• Hi Guest - Sign up now for Secret Santa 2024!
    Click here to sign up!
  • Hi Guest - Come check out all of the new CP Merch Shop! Now you can support CigarPass buy purchasing hats, apparel, and more...
    Click here to visit! here...

Viejo paso de los miembros

Yo mama so fat… when she sat on the Nintendo, two Game Boys popped out!
 
Yo mama so fat... when she was born, she gave
the hospital stretch marks!
 
Roy R. Frush said:
Allofus123 said:
My Spidey senses are tingling..... just a little too over the top in the response for someone thats been around this board any amount of time. I'm not biting........ yet!
Click to expand...

Kenny, I'm afraid you're already in the livewell. Got you with an 8/0 Circle hook on the first take...

Allofus123 said:
May I kindly ask you to speak to Mr Cole about what happens on "his" pass thread.

Who is this guy? You picked a fine thread to introduce yourself whoever you are.
Click to expand...

To anyone who was personally offended, my apologies. I just wanted to submit something different within the context of the contest. Besides, you post whores have already culled all the best joke databases! :)
Click to expand...


LOL... trust me when I say my first response was just a nibble. I just glad I didn't hit the send button to what I had originally wrote. LOL.... that would have resulted in a gut hook. :cool:

If you wouldn't have tried so hard on the second cast I'm sure the livewell would have been overflowing. OK.... now its funny! :D
 
Allofus123 said:
LOL... trust me when I say my first response was just a nibble. I just glad I didn't hit the send button to what I had originally wrote. LOL.... that would have resulted in a gut hook. :cool:

If you wouldn't have tried so hard on the second cast I'm sure the livewell would have been overflowing. OK.... now its funny! :D
Click to expand...

I gotta admit, you did pretty well for someone who doesn't know me personally. Sam and Anthony knew what was up immediately, but they know my sense of humor. I tend to keep a pretty low profile, so most of the folks here didn't share in that knowledge. I did leave a clue, however! The font I used in those posts was chosen very deliberately. If you know what it's called, my intentions would have been revealed... ;)
 
Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

---Jack Handy...
 
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

---Jack Handy...
 
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

---Jack Handy...
 
Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.
 
One last entry. :)

I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.
 
I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.
 
I was walking down the street, and I found a man's hand in my pocket. I asked "What do you want?" "A match" "Why didn't you ask me?" "I don't talk to strangers."

Thanks Henny!
 
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
 
ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?" "Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the woman you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as
well tell me now."

"Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Volpe?"
"I'll never tell"

"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and
I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers,
"What'd you get?" "Four months vacation and five good leads."
 
Yo mama so fat… that when she steps on the scale it tells her to GET OFF!
 
Yo mama's so fat... when she went on a diet, Bluebell Ice-cream went outta business.
 
Okay you made me remember a yo momma joke:

Yo Momma like a door Knob, everyone gets a turn!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top