• Hi Guest - Come check out all of the new CP Merch Shop! Now you can support CigarPass buy purchasing hats, apparel, and more...
    Click here to visit! here...

Thought’s Dad Joke Thread

A cold seat in a public restroom is unpleasant...

A warm seat in a public restroom is far worse...



So, apparently RSVP’ing to a Wedding invite

“Maybe next time”

Isn’t the correct response?



Don’t piss off old people...

The older we get, the less “life in prison” is a deterrent.



I don’t care how much you like the soap...

Never walk out of a public bathroom smelling your fingers.



I don’t always go the extra mile...

But when I do it’s because I missed my exit.



I told my wife I wanted to be cremated...

She made an appointment for next Tuesday.



Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers, is that true?

Me: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.



I asked my Grandpa, “after 65 years, you still call Grandma darling, sweetheart and honey, what’s your secret?

He said “I forgot her name about 5 years ago, and I’m afraid to ask her.”



I went “line dancing” last night...

Well, it was a roadway sobriety test... same thing!



A man asked his wife, “if I won the lottery, what would you do?”

She said “I’d take half and leave you...”

“Great” he said, “I won $12, here’s $6, stay in touch...
 
CigSid said:
I don’t always go the extra mile...

But when I do it’s because I missed my exit.
Click to expand...

In Houston, we have assholes that will stop and back up....nothing quite like coming over a bridge at 65+ to see some idiot backing up into your path.
 
One of the most disgusting Inn's i've ever stayed at was call "The Fiddle". It was a vile inn

People overcome adversity all the time, just look at Beethoven. They told him he was deaf, but did he listen?

Can't remember if I told this one already or not:

Dad: Son, what did I tell you about masturbating, it will make you go blind!
Son: I'm over here dad...

Son: Dad, how do you know if someone has been drinking?
Dad: Well Timmy, my boy, you see those trees over there? A drunk wouldn't see four trees, he would see eight instead.
Son: But there is only two trees over there...

What is made of leather, a foot long, and sounds like a sneeze?
a shoe
 
My dad grew up during the depression, so he never threw anything away.
He ended up dying in the war, holding a grenade.

My granddad survived mustard gas and pepper spray.
He came out a seasoned veteran.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top