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Thought’s Dad Joke Thread

A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears;
“ You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side
You know what?”
“What dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
”I think you’re bad luck...”
 
Blonde:
"Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, but this week I got a call from the contractor, complaining his work had been completed a year ago and I had yet to pay for them.
Boy oh boy, did we go around and around.
Just because I’m a blonde does not mean I’m automatically stupid.
So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told me last year – namely, that in one year, the windows would pay for themselves…
There was silence on the other end of the line, so I just hung up.
I have not heard anything back.
I bet he felt like an idiot…."
Click to expand...
 
Justin @smellysell decides he is going to try raising sheep so he buys 4 rams and 4 ewes. After some time he is concerned about whether or not the sheep are procreating so he goes to the vet and asks. The vet explains that sometimes sheep need a little help and that Justin should take the sheep out in the country and help them. Justin asks "how will I know if it's working?" and the vet explains that if they mate, the ewes will be laying down the next morning.

So the next day, Justin takes the 8 sheep out into the country and he jacks off the rams and fucks the ewes. By the time he gets home, Justin is exhausted and goes to bed. He gets up the next morning and looks out the window and all 8 sheep are standing and grazing. So.........Justin repeats the previous days routine and comes home utterly spent. He wakes up the next morning, too tried to get up, and asks Mrs. Sell to look out the window and tell him what the sheep are doing.

Mrs. Sell says......... "well there are 7 of them in the back of the truck jumping up and down and one is in the front seat blowing the horn"
 
CigarStone said:
Justin @smellysell decides he is going to try raising sheep so he buys 4 rams and 4 ewes. After some time he is concerned about whether or not the sheep are procreating so he goes to the vet and asks. The vet explains that sometimes sheep need a little help and that Justin should take the sheep out in the country and help them. Justin asks "how will I know if it's working?" and the vet explains that if they mate, the ewes will be laying down the next morning.

So the next day, Justin takes the 8 sheep out into the country and he jacks off the rams and fucks the ewes. By the time he gets home, Justin is exhausted and goes to bed. He gets up the next morning and looks out the window and all 8 sheep are standing and grazing. So.........Justin repeats the previous days routine and comes home utterly spent. He wakes up the next morning, too tried to get up, and asks Mrs. Sell to look out the window and tell him what the sheep are doing.

Mrs. Sell says......... "well there are 7 of them in the back of the truck jumping up and down and one is in the front seat blowing the horn"
Click to expand...

🖕
 
CigarStone said:
Justin @smellysell decides he is going to try raising sheep so he buys 4 rams and 4 ewes. After some time he is concerned about whether or not the sheep are procreating so he goes to the vet and asks. The vet explains that sometimes sheep need a little help and that Justin should take the sheep out in the country and help them. Justin asks "how will I know if it's working?" and the vet explains that if they mate, the ewes will be laying down the next morning.

So the next day, Justin takes the 8 sheep out into the country and he jacks off the rams and fucks the ewes. By the time he gets home, Justin is exhausted and goes to bed. He gets up the next morning and looks out the window and all 8 sheep are standing and grazing. So.........Justin repeats the previous days routine and comes home utterly spent. He wakes up the next morning, too tried to get up, and asks Mrs. Sell to look out the window and tell him what the sheep are doing.

Mrs. Sell says......... "well there are 7 of them in the back of the truck jumping up and down and one is in the front seat blowing the horn"
Click to expand...
D53E98A4-E54C-4E9D-BBE7-71968ABFA4C9.jpeg
 
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