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Thought’s Dad Joke Thread

A politician dies and meets ST. Peter at the pearly gate. The politician says "wow, I kinda didn't expect to be here". St. Peter says you will have 24 hours here, then 24 hours in hell, and then you get to make your choice.

The politician spends 24 hours in heaven and is amazed at how calm and peaceful everything is, everyone is kind and loving, it's awesome! He runs into St. Peter and St. Peter says, "okay, it's time to spend your 24 hours in hell"

The elevator goes down, the politician steps out onto the grounds of the most beautiful country club he has ever seen, all of his friends are there, there are gorgeous women, cocaine, beer, bourbon, everything he wanted. There was a huge party that night and the food, cocktails and entertainment, was amazing! The next morning he runs into St. Peter and St. Peter takes him back to heaven to discuss his decision.

The politician says "oh man, heaven was so peaceful and everyone was so kind, I can't believe I am saying this but I think I prefer hell. All my friends were there and it was so much fun". So St. Peter walks him to the elevator and the politician goes down to hell. The doors open to a barren wasteland, it's 140 degrees, the sun is beating down and all of his friends are picking up rocks and dying from dehydration.

He sees St. Peter and he runs up to him and says "I don't understand, yesterday hell was the most gorgeous place imaginable, now look at it! What happened?" St. Peter says "you should understand this, yesterday we were campaigning, today, you've made your choice"
 
A man dies and goes to heaven. Within the first couple days he meets the most wonderful people and finds himself overjoyed by the loving peace and quiet. He meets St. Peter who asks how he is enjoying heaven to which the guy replies that he loves it and is so happy, everyone is wonderful!

As St. Peter is walking away, the guy yells “hey St. Peter, I notice this wall, what is that for?” St. Peter puts his finger to his lips and says “shhhhhh, that’s where the Catholics are, they think they’re the only ones up here”
 
CigarStone said:
A politician dies and meets ST. Peter at the pearly gate. The politician says "wow, I kinda didn't expect to be here". St. Peter says you will have 24 hours here, then 24 hours in hell, and then you get to make your choice.

The politician spends 24 hours in heaven and is amazed at how calm and peaceful everything is, everyone is kind and loving, it's awesome! He runs into St. Peter and St. Peter says, "okay, it's time to spend your 24 hours in hell"

The elevator goes down, the politician steps out onto the grounds of the most beautiful country club he has ever seen, all of his friends are there, there are gorgeous women, cocaine, beer, bourbon, everything he wanted. There was a huge party that night and the food, cocktails and entertainment, was amazing! The next morning he runs into St. Peter and St. Peter takes him back to heaven to discuss his decision.

The politician says "oh man, heaven was so peaceful and everyone was so kind, I can't believe I am saying this but I think I prefer hell. All my friends were there and it was so much fun". So St. Peter walks him to the elevator and the politician goes down to hell. The doors open to a barren wasteland, it's 140 degrees, the sun is beating down and all of his friends are picking up rocks and dying from dehydration.

He sees St. Peter and he runs up to him and says "I don't understand, yesterday hell was the most gorgeous place imaginable, now look at it! What happened?" St. Peter says "you should understand this, yesterday we were campaigning, today, you've made your choice"
Click to expand...
Reported. Politics and Religion.
 
CigarStone said:
A politician dies and meets ST. Peter at the pearly gate. The politician says "wow, I kinda didn't expect to be here". St. Peter says you will have 24 hours here, then 24 hours in hell, and then you get to make your choice.

The politician spends 24 hours in heaven and is amazed at how calm and peaceful everything is, everyone is kind and loving, it's awesome! He runs into St. Peter and St. Peter says, "okay, it's time to spend your 24 hours in hell"

The elevator goes down, the politician steps out onto the grounds of the most beautiful country club he has ever seen, all of his friends are there, there are gorgeous women, cocaine, beer, bourbon, everything he wanted. There was a huge party that night and the food, cocktails and entertainment, was amazing! The next morning he runs into St. Peter and St. Peter takes him back to heaven to discuss his decision.

The politician says "oh man, heaven was so peaceful and everyone was so kind, I can't believe I am saying this but I think I prefer hell. All my friends were there and it was so much fun". So St. Peter walks him to the elevator and the politician goes down to hell. The doors open to a barren wasteland, it's 140 degrees, the sun is beating down and all of his friends are picking up rocks and dying from dehydration.

He sees St. Peter and he runs up to him and says "I don't understand, yesterday hell was the most gorgeous place imaginable, now look at it! What happened?" St. Peter says "you should understand this, yesterday we were campaigning, today, you've made your choice"
Click to expand...
kann said:
Reported. Politics and Religion.
Click to expand...
Beat me too it!!! Lol
 
If Vert Der Ferk and Ermahgerd were to get married, what could we name their kids?



1619270337151.png

1619270483274.png
 
Optical delusion!

Square "A" and square "B" are the same color. If you don't believe me, cut and paste a peice of each side by side.

1619647850832.png
 
A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost ‘in a series of small fires.’ The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued.. and WON!

(Stay with me.)

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire’ and was obligated to pay the claim!

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost in the ‘fires’.

NOW, FOR THE BEST PART

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!
🤣🤣🤣
 
Don’t mess with old ladies...

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding”...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the
owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in
the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs
away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes
5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have
stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your
car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an
empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not
have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a
clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am. One of my officers told
me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car,
and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding,
too.
 
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