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Viejo paso de los miembros

About a year ago, I was at the supermarket when a beautiful blonde woman waved at me and said hello.

I was a little confused, because I couldn’t place where I knew her from. So I asked, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now my mind travels back to my Porn Star days, I exclaimed "My God, are you the woman I worked with in “Someone’s in the Kitchen doing Dinah”? Yeah, didn’t you play the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

She looked into my eyes and calmly said, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."
 
Well fellas, I finally have the opportunity to go thru the box so it's gonna be a fun morning for me eyeing all the pretty sticks and figuring out which ones of these babies I'm goona trade for. I can hardly wait, I'm like a kid in a candy store. I'll post my puts and takes in a bit and depending on when I finish will determine if I make it to the post office before noon to get er' off back home to Devin or let er' rest till Monday morning........ :) :thumbs: :cool:
 
Man O man, was this difficult or what being that there were so many great sticks to choose from. So, I went through each container and took a couple from each of them and here are my puts and takes. Let me know if they are okay via posting below and / or PM as I won't be shipping this baby back to Devin until Monday morning as the post office is now closed for the weekend.

Puts:

#83 Partagas Series-P No. 2 SVF D/C 05
#84 Romeo y Julieta Short Churchills Tubo
#85 Bolivar Coronas Gigantes '01
#86 Anejo #48
#87 Opus X Belicoso XxX (Power Ranger)
#88 Cohiba Siglo II Tubo

Takes:

#20 Avo 75th Anniversary '01
#35 Cuaba Distinquidos '06
#47 Ramon Allones Petit Corona 12/01
#59 Opus X Perfecxion #5 ('98)

Also, I put a gift in the box for you Devin as you were unable to make it to our latest Quad State Herf II and you would have looked great in the group photo......... :D :thumbs: :cool:

Again, thank you brother for letting me be a part of this great box pass!!!!
 
I have a GIANT scar across my neck. Goes pretty much from the middle of my neck all the way up to my ear. So when I'm at my weekend gig working the door at a local watering hole, all the girls are fascinated by it and want to know what happened...

So I tell them about the day a few years back, it was the end of the week, just got paid from my off the books job, so I had about a grand cash in my pocket. Went out to meet some friends, take care of some side business, and added another chunk of change to what was already in the wallet. So naturally, we went to have a few drinks, and relax.

It was about 4 am by the time I finally stumbled home to my apt in Queens. And anyone who knows anything about Queens knows that if you drive, ESPECIALLY at that hour, you are not parking within 4 blocks of where you live. So I start the long walk back. I get about a block from my apt, when a guy comes walking over from the bus stop and stops in front of me.

"Don't say a word, and don't move." I hear someone come up behind me, and then feel something cold on my neck.

"Give me everything you have. Cash, jewelry, everything." My mind started spinning. Besides all the cash, I had a couple thousand in jewelry, too. Am I really going to give all this up? Do these guys have the balls to do anything?

So, I take out my wallet, and hand it over. As he reaches for it, shaking from being so nervous, I drop it. He neds over to pick it up, and I plant my foot straight in his face. He falls back to the ground. His buddy pulls the blade along my neck, and I drop to the ground bleeding.

Thankfully, my neighbor was out walking his dog and saw the guy running off. He takes his dogs chain off and sends him after the guy running and calls the cops from his cell phone. The dog gets the guy running, and the cops pull up and get the other guy before he knows where he is. As far as this last part, this is what my neighbor tell me, I have no clue. I got to the hospital pretty much just in time. Two days later when I get out, they hand me a bag with my wallet and all the cash in it. If I had to do it all over again, I'd just hand the wallet over, no questions asked.

:thumbs:

Thanks for the contest!
 
Edited: Didn't read the rules. Doh!

As I was walking down the road with my dog Sam, I came about a strange sight. There, spread out on all fours in broad daylight was my next door neighbor Suzie. She had a sun-dress on, but it was pulled up over her head. I asked her what she was doing, and she responded "I'm waiting for the right guy." Now, Suzie is a little crazy, but this was weird even for her! She once threw a cat out of a four story window with a towel tied to it to see if it could fly.
Pretty crazy I tell ya. So I asked, "What are you talking about?" She said it was her 21st birthday and she needed a spanking. So I thought what the hell! I went over to her, raised my hand to spank her.........and SAM jumped on her and started humping the sh#t out of her! I tried to pull him off, but she told me to let him finish. Sam went at it for a little while longer then finally got off of her, panting heavily. She got up, slapped me across the face, pulled her dress down, and went back to her house. Sam then grabbed one of my cigs and looked up at me. All I could do was shake my head and give the dog a light.

:D
 
Actually, tomthirtysix's story got me thinking about I lie that would tell from time to time. As you may know, I was once a commercial diver in Washington State. Well, crews tend to be transitory so every year I'd invariably end up with some greenhorn kid fresh out of his basic open water course, dreaming of becoming the next Jaques Cousteau. Fuggin newbs. At the beginning of every season some greenhorn would ask about the large crescent shaped scar on my side. And yet again I'm faced with the decision to tell the truth or give them the usual lie.

If I tell them the truth, that my brother came home from the first Gulf War with no kidneys and so I donated one of mine to him, then I have to put up with weeks of hearing about how noble it was, yada yada yada. I'm not really comfortable with that so no, they get the lie. I tell the noobler about the DIVE FROM HELL.

I was working a documentary on The Great Whites off of the Farallon Islands near San Francisco studying their mating habits and such. Of course for our own safety, all of the dives were cage dives, (would you get in the water with a horny Great White without steel between you and...? ) Anyway, the #1 rule of scuba is plan your dive, dive your plan. That usually works well for you but sometimes nature doesn't really care that you have plan. On the last day of shooting a squall rolled in out of nowhere while yours truly was in the cage at 65 feet. I mean the surface swells went from 3-4 feet to 15-20 feet without any warning. The boat was rolling so hard that the cage was rising and falling 20 feet. You divers know that this is a VERY dangerous situation. That kind of pressure differential can embolise a diver. Now I'm faced with a nightmare decision. Try to ride it out and risk blowing out my lungs or get up close and personal with 12 hungry and horny Whites. No choice really, I had to get out of that cage!

Well, the next thing I know I'm waking up in ICU three days later. They said I put up a hell of a fight, and I guess I must have because I'm still here. The really amazing thing is though, that if I had the chance to do another documentary on these amazing creatures I'd do it without hesitation.

**Now reader, you should know that this 'story' is based in truth, I leave it to you to decide what part is true, and what part is LIE.**

edit for spelling
 
Okay, so when I started my acting career in CA, I was cast in the part of Janet in "The Rocky Horror Picture Show". For any of you who have not seen it, it is a very wild movie with lots of T & A and Stockings!
So we are between takes and a female impersonator friend of mine has to stop in at his job at the XXX movie theater by the police stationso I said I'd go 2. Since I was only 17 at the time I couldn't go inside and I proceeded to sit atop a hip high concrete pole in front of the theater to wait and watch the traffic go by. Naturally I haven't changed out of costume and I am in a very sexy black garterbelt w/ black stockings and high heels. I have on a black and gold corset and my hair is looking wild. To top off the outfit I have put on one of the extras tux tails (cause I thought it would be more appropriate out in public) but it is wide open as I sit on the pole. Pretty soon guys start pulling up asking if they can buy me a cup of coffee and I immediately play innocent and tell them I don't drink coffee but thanks for the offer. Finally, my friend comes out (oh that can be taken soooo many ways) and we proceed to go back to the theater. As I jump off the pole, I notice the sign above me..."Wild thing and can't get enough!" :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I wonder how much business that theater had that night? :whistling:
 
Mike, Matthew and I are living up in WA about 10 years ago and it was Easter Sunday. I have just finished preparing a very fancy dinner and everything is set to go - the Ham has 1 1/2 hours to go and all that is left to do is boil the potatoes. I go to turn on the bathtub and the nossle breaks off in my hands. Needless to say, water starts shooting out of the spout all over the place. I'm pissed and Mike goes to shut off the water as his drenched bride continues to fume. Now I love making big fancy meals for guests and my family and we were expecting about 6 singles from our church to show up in about 2 hours. So Mike galantly says he will go to Walmart and pick up whatever it is he needs to repair the sucker so we will have running water when the guests arrive. I quickly get ready as I don't really need a shower anymore and make sure as much as can get done is finished. Well Mike is gone for what seems like an hour (oh, it really was a hour! :angry: ) and I'm in a bit of a quiet panic plus alittle hurt that he seems to be messing around while I do all the work. He finally comes bounding through the door smiling like the cat that ate the canary, thrusting a pen in my face saying, "Smell This!!, Come on, Smell it!! SANDRA BULLOCK USED THIS PEN TO SIGN AN AUTOGRAPH FOR MATT!!" So the story he's sticking with is that he gets to Walmart and sees some girl walking around looking like her, then he sees another one. Pretty soon he sees the real one walk past and the guy with her whispers "I think he saw you". He immediately runs to the stationary section of the store and grabs a Garfield notepad and a pack of pens. He cautiously and shyly approaches and says, "Miss Bullock? I know it's Easter and I don't want to bother you but can my son have your autograph?" She sweetly smiles and looks down at the pad and unopened pens and says, "Have you paid for those?" He says, "Ahhhh no." She Says, "You go pay for those and I'll wait right here." Mike rushes to a line (which naturally has a problem in front of him) so he goes to a different line and it crawls along as he thinks, "She's gonna leave! She's gonna leave!" Finally he gets back to her and she sweetly smiles and signs the pad "Matt, Best of Luck! Sandra Bullock" And of course, we missed it! But later that week he did take us to see her from 30 ft away(and Nicole Kidman) finish filming "Practical Magic" in our neighboring town about 20 minutes away. And, if you're wondering, he was still working on the faucet when the guests arrived but they understood, they were after all church goers!! :laugh:
 
Back in my days in the theater (if you couldn't tell by my previous post) I was the biggest tease known to man.
If a guy didn't show interest, I was having an off day. Not to say I was a model (although Mike will say I was hot), but when guys think a girl is trashy or loose most of them will descend like a vulture to a fresh carcass.
So I'm on stage during rehearsal for an exceptionally BAD play, bored out of my mind typing, with no lines in sight. About 15ft away mike sits at his desk with no lines for a while either. So I decide to have a little fun and start typing the nastiest letter I can think of, about what I would like to do to him. I get up and walk over to him, look him in the eyes , smile and hand it to him, then I sit back down. :whistling: Boy, you sure could see the temperature rise on him! Suddenly, his eyes narrow and he glares at me with a look of hate. Then he gets up and walks over to the director and hands it to him. The director proceeds to read it out loud :blush: (Mike's girlfriend was in the room) including the last line, "April Fool!" :sign:

Well, needless to say, after rehearsal the director said I would be out of the theater if I ever pulled another stunt like that.

To top it off, Mike's wife and girlfriend threatened to kick my slutty a$$ if I ever talked to Mike outside of rehearsals again.

Hmm...I guess that didn't work out so well for them! :laugh: :laugh:
 
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