Poronico
Ridentem dicere verum quid vetat " Horace "
i thought it was funny :blush:
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Time for a JOKE
- Thread starter Rod
- Start date
I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS..........
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and say hello. He's rather taken back, because he can't place where he knows her from. So, he says, "Do you Know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he as ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?"
She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's kindergarten teacher."
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and say hello. He's rather taken back, because he can't place where he knows her from. So, he says, "Do you Know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he as ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?"
She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's kindergarten teacher."
marcsheldon
CP's official Architect
AVB
Jesus of Cool, I'm bad, I'm nationwide
This young guy of about 30-35, gets out of the Marines after Nam. He lives his life like the American dream. When the War on Iraq comes around he goes down to the local recruiting station, and tells the recruiter "I want in, I wanna fight." But the recruiter says "Sorry man your too old."
" Fine." The guy says "I'll go to the Pentagon, I got a friend there, he'll let me in!" So he goes to the Pentagon
and tells his friend, "I want in, I wanna fight." But his friend says "Sorry Buddy, your too old."
Fine the guy says, "I'll buy a boat and row to Iraq!" So he goes out and buys himself a rowboat and starts rowing to Iraq, chanting 'Semper Fi Do or Die OO-RAH-Rah!' over and over again.
Then GOD goes up to St. Peter and says "ST. Peter, what do I to stop this guy?" ST. Peter tells GOD, "Why don't you take his brain?" "It's the soul of all thought."
So GOD takes the guy's brain. It doesn't phase him, 'Semper Fi Do or Die OO-RAH-RAH!'.
GOD then says, "Now what?!" St. Peter replies, "Why don't you take his heart?" "It's the seat of all emotion."
So God takes it. Doesn't phase the guy, 'Semper Fi Do or Die OO-RAH-RAH!'.
GOD then whines, "Now What Should I Do?!" St. Peter smiles and says, "Take his balls."
SO GOD takes the guy's balls. The guy stops rowing, looks around, turns his boat around chanting,
"Be.....all....that you can be."
" Fine." The guy says "I'll go to the Pentagon, I got a friend there, he'll let me in!" So he goes to the Pentagon
and tells his friend, "I want in, I wanna fight." But his friend says "Sorry Buddy, your too old."
Fine the guy says, "I'll buy a boat and row to Iraq!" So he goes out and buys himself a rowboat and starts rowing to Iraq, chanting 'Semper Fi Do or Die OO-RAH-Rah!' over and over again.
Then GOD goes up to St. Peter and says "ST. Peter, what do I to stop this guy?" ST. Peter tells GOD, "Why don't you take his brain?" "It's the soul of all thought."
So GOD takes the guy's brain. It doesn't phase him, 'Semper Fi Do or Die OO-RAH-RAH!'.
GOD then says, "Now what?!" St. Peter replies, "Why don't you take his heart?" "It's the seat of all emotion."
So God takes it. Doesn't phase the guy, 'Semper Fi Do or Die OO-RAH-RAH!'.
GOD then whines, "Now What Should I Do?!" St. Peter smiles and says, "Take his balls."
SO GOD takes the guy's balls. The guy stops rowing, looks around, turns his boat around chanting,
"Be.....all....that you can be."
Devil Doc
When Death smiles, Corpsmen smile back
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Trying to start a service war Ray?
Doc.
Doc.
JimiHendrix
Typcast Unemployed
A guy walks into his shrink's office wrapped in nothing but clear celophane. The doctor says, "Now I can clearly see your nuts!"
CigarStone
For once, knowledge is making me poor!
A Methodist minister preaches every sermon based on a real life event or activity. He also has his wife help prepare each week’s sermon. This particular week the couple prepares a sermon based on “sailing”; however, the minister’s wife becomes ill and can not attend church with him.
The minister had always wanted to preach a sermon based on sex but could never find the right time to do so. As he is driving, alone, to church on Sunday morning he decides this is the perfect week to preach the sermon on sex since his wife is not accompanying him. He scrubs the sermon on “sailing” and wings a sermon on sex.
Later in the week the wife is at the supermarket and is greeted by a couple from the church. They tell her the minister’s sermon last Sunday was wonderful and that he seemed to be very knowledgeable about the subject. The wife says “well that’s interesting, he’s only ever done it twice; the first time he threw up and the second time his hat blew off”
The minister had always wanted to preach a sermon based on sex but could never find the right time to do so. As he is driving, alone, to church on Sunday morning he decides this is the perfect week to preach the sermon on sex since his wife is not accompanying him. He scrubs the sermon on “sailing” and wings a sermon on sex.
Later in the week the wife is at the supermarket and is greeted by a couple from the church. They tell her the minister’s sermon last Sunday was wonderful and that he seemed to be very knowledgeable about the subject. The wife says “well that’s interesting, he’s only ever done it twice; the first time he threw up and the second time his hat blew off”
CoventryCat86
Corresponding authority
Two for one deal today on jokes! :laugh:
Joke #1:
Joke #2:
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked
for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state,
her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years,
with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and
other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a
very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that
his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had
been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find
another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and
therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty
years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly $1 million. Then she
showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over
$2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in
the bank.
She explained that for the more than three decades she had 'charged' him for
sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings
and investments. Faced with evidence of cash and investments
worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but
finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were
doing, I would have given you all my business!"
That's when she shot him.
Joke #1:
Joke #2:
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked
for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state,
her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years,
with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and
other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a
very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that
his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had
been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find
another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and
therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty
years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly $1 million. Then she
showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over
$2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in
the bank.
She explained that for the more than three decades she had 'charged' him for
sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings
and investments. Faced with evidence of cash and investments
worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but
finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were
doing, I would have given you all my business!"
That's when she shot him.
souldog
OG Post-Whorer since 2008 bitches...
CigarMan Andy
Traveling Herf Man
A pirate walks into a bar with a Pilot's Wheel on the end of his d><k. One guy walks up to the pirate and asked him "What's with the Pilot's Wheel?" The pirate says, " Aye! She's driving me nuts".
CoventryCat86
Corresponding authority
klipsch
No more Room ≠ No more Cigars
So this seal walks into a club...