Thought’s Dad Joke Thread

[Pugman1943]

 

[CigSid]

On this day in 1775, the British demanded that we surrender our weapons...
We shot them.

Due to Covid 19, protesters are asked to stay home and destroy their own property.

So... rioters are saying that country folks are next... You do realize that country folks will stay 30 feet up in a tree, all day, just to kill something?

 

[drunkfish3]

 

[CBoukal]

 

[kann]

 

[Thoughts]

Did you know there is a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house?
This is due to it's powerful hind legs and the fact that the average house can't jump...

 

[Thoughts]

-The owner looked at his sheep dog and says, "how many sheep do we have?"

-"40," replies the dog

-"40??? We are only supposed to have 37."

-"We do, I rounded them up."

 

[Thoughts]

Why was the cowboy carrying around a dachshund?
Someone told him to get a long little doggy......

Don't ban me plz

 

[CBoukal]

 

[kann]

Logic tells us that in order for there to be Silly Putty, there must also be Serious Putty.

There is.

It's called: C4

Deadly Serious Putty.

 

[kann]

Why don't evil monsters eat scary ghosts?

Because they taste like sheet.

 

[jbfurdog]

After a relaxing bath...Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself, nude in a mirror...
Her frustration over her lack of ability to lose weight, was depressing her....
In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for help...
'God....If you take away my love handles, I'll devote my life to you,' She prayed...
And just like that... Her ears fell off.

 

[CigSid]

After a relaxing bath...Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself, nude in a mirror...
Her frustration over her lack of ability to lose weight, was depressing her....
In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for help...
'God....If you take away my love handles, I'll devote my life to you,' She prayed...
And just like that... Her ears fell off.

I don’t think that qualifies as a “Dad’s joke” but it is funny…

 

[kann]

After a relaxing bath...Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself, nude in a mirror...
Her frustration over her lack of ability to lose weight, was depressing her....
In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for help...
'God....If you take away my love handles, I'll devote my life to you,' She prayed...
And just like that... Her ears fell off.

Reported. Politics and Religion.

 

[PaulTra]

I don’t think that qualifies as a “Dad’s joke” but it is funny…

More like the uncle who tells you not to tell your parents that he told you this one.

 

[Undegreed]

I don’t think that qualifies as a “Dad’s joke” but it is funny…

Seriously, I was just going to post that the last number of jokes are not repeatable to kids.

Which reminds me of the time my mom started to tell my 12 year old daughter a joke with "2 lesbians walk into a bar..." I shut it down.

 

[Scap]

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?


A lickalotapus

 

[drunkfish3]

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus.

 

[drunkfish3]

What the difference between a tire and 364 condoms?

Ones a Goodyear and ones a Great year.

 

[Scap]

What the difference between a tire and 364 condoms?

Ones a Goodyear and ones a Great year.

Slacker took a day off?