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Things I've learned the hard way . . .

When some says "I'll tell you what happened!!!!!", just sit back and enjoy

Never pet a burning dog

No one manages to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory like a team from Cleveland
 
Be very careful with what you think is your 2 year olds brown play-doh.

If you eat very strong cheese, and later think your Great Dane did a load in the house, but can't find it, there is a good chance your smelling your upper lip/moustache.
 
licking a frozen pole DOES hurt

women DO NOT want you to be honest when they ask you if they look fat

filling butane lighters is a practice best done outside

snow skiing requires TWO skis (ouch)
 
Don't eat yellow snow.

Life's too short to smoke cheap shit!

Live like there's no tomorrow, Love your woman, Laugh until you cry, Eat like a king, Drink like a fish, Party like a rock star, and Smoke like a Chimney.

Here's to the times we won't remember with the people we won't forget.
 
It it the nature of the Universe that you are doomed to be surrounded by idiotic motorists 80% of your driving time each day.
 
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