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**** Edicion Limitada ****
- Thread starter 57Strat
- Start date
57Strat
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- Joined
- Jan 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,815
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Brother Wade, truly awesome! Excellent selection of cigars my friend. I know the rest of us in the pass will enjoy smoking them..... :thumbs:
I want to thank you for the labels that you put on the cigars also, good idea.
Enjoy your takes!
Looking forward to smoking in Hawaii!!!
Michael, heads up............
.........................Brother Wade, truly awesome! Excellent selection of cigars my friend. I know the rest of us in the pass will enjoy smoking them..... :thumbs:
I want to thank you for the labels that you put on the cigars also, good idea.
Enjoy your takes!
Looking forward to smoking in Hawaii!!!
Michael, heads up............
57Strat
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- Joined
- Jan 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,815
You guy's are killing me with these jokes.......ROTFLMAO
A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards he goes to a nearby restaurant and orders the specialty of the day. The waiter brings him two very big balls on a huge plate, which the tourist eats with relish. The next day he goes to the same restaurant again, once again orders the specialty of the day, and he is brought two very big balls on a huge plate. It tastes even more scrumptious. The third day he does the same and the fourth, but on the fifth day he goes to the restaurant and orders the specialty of the day, and they bring him two very small balls on a big plate. The man asks, "What gives?" And the waiter says, "Senor, the bullfighter doesn't always win!" :0
A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards he goes to a nearby restaurant and orders the specialty of the day. The waiter brings him two very big balls on a huge plate, which the tourist eats with relish. The next day he goes to the same restaurant again, once again orders the specialty of the day, and he is brought two very big balls on a huge plate. It tastes even more scrumptious. The third day he does the same and the fourth, but on the fifth day he goes to the restaurant and orders the specialty of the day, and they bring him two very small balls on a big plate. The man asks, "What gives?" And the waiter says, "Senor, the bullfighter doesn't always win!" :0
djm
1337
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2001
- Messages
- 1,078
These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place:
Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan.
Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
Q: Sir, what is your IQ? A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? A: After the accident? Q: Before the accident. A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo.
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? A: Yes. Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? A: Yes, sir. Q: What did she say? A: What disco am I at?
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls?
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
djm
1337
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2001
- Messages
- 1,078
A lady goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her hubbie. She doesn't know which one to get, so walks over to the register. A Wal-mart associate is standing there with sunglasses on. She says, "Excuse me sir ... can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm blind, but if you'll drop it on the counter I can tell you about it."
She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 220 reel and a 10-lb test line ... It's a good all-around rod and reel, and it's $20."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for, so I'll take it."
He walks behind the counter to the register. She bends down to get her purse and farts. At first, she's embarrassed but then realizes that there's no way he would know it was her because being blind, he wouldn't know she was the only person there.
He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."
She says, "But didn't you say it was $20?"
He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20, the duck call is $3, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50. Thank you for shopping Wal-Mart."
He says, "Ma'am, I'm blind, but if you'll drop it on the counter I can tell you about it."
She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 220 reel and a 10-lb test line ... It's a good all-around rod and reel, and it's $20."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for, so I'll take it."
He walks behind the counter to the register. She bends down to get her purse and farts. At first, she's embarrassed but then realizes that there's no way he would know it was her because being blind, he wouldn't know she was the only person there.
He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."
She says, "But didn't you say it was $20?"
He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20, the duck call is $3, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50. Thank you for shopping Wal-Mart."
Suzy Lee fell in love.
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy about it all, she told her pappy so.
Pappy told her, Suzie Gal; you'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon your maw don't know, but Joe is your half-brother.
So Suzie forgot about her Joe and planned to marry Will.
But after telling pappy this, he said There's trouble still.
You can't marry Will, my gal and please don't tell your mother,
cause Will and Joe and several mo I know is your half-brother.
But mama knew and said Honey chile, do what makes you happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe, You ain't no kin to pappy!
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy about it all, she told her pappy so.
Pappy told her, Suzie Gal; you'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon your maw don't know, but Joe is your half-brother.
So Suzie forgot about her Joe and planned to marry Will.
But after telling pappy this, he said There's trouble still.
You can't marry Will, my gal and please don't tell your mother,
cause Will and Joe and several mo I know is your half-brother.
But mama knew and said Honey chile, do what makes you happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe, You ain't no kin to pappy!
Matt R
That's #1 Member to you. :)
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2001
- Messages
- 5,988
At a monastery high in the mountains, the monks have a rigid vow of silence. Only at Christmas, and only by one monk, and only with one sentence, is the vow allowed to be broken.
One Christmas, Brother Thomas is allowed to speak and he says, "I like the mashed potatoes we have with the Christmas turkey!" and he sits down. Silence ensues for 365 days.
The next Christmas, Brother Michael gets his turn, and he says "I think the mashed potatoes are lumpy and I hate them!"
Once again, silence for 366 days (it's leap year). The following Christmas, Brother Paul rises and says, "I am fed up with this constant bickering!"
One Christmas, Brother Thomas is allowed to speak and he says, "I like the mashed potatoes we have with the Christmas turkey!" and he sits down. Silence ensues for 365 days.
The next Christmas, Brother Michael gets his turn, and he says "I think the mashed potatoes are lumpy and I hate them!"
Once again, silence for 366 days (it's leap year). The following Christmas, Brother Paul rises and says, "I am fed up with this constant bickering!"
Matt R
That's #1 Member to you. :)
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2001
- Messages
- 5,988
A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife in unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, where exactly is Larry's bar?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, where exactly is Larry's bar?"
Matt R
That's #1 Member to you. :)
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2001
- Messages
- 5,988
One for Rod...
An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some people who remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk!
Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people who shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey.
As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story; "If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass good-bye."
An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some people who remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk!
Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people who shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey.
As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story; "If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass good-bye."
Matt R
That's #1 Member to you. :)
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2001
- Messages
- 5,988
A teacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?” She calls on little Johnny.
He replies, “None, they will all fly away with the first gun shot.”
The teacher replies, “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.”
Then little Johnny says “I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?”
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, “Well, I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.”
To which Little Johnny replied, “The correct answer is ‘the one with the wedding ring on’, but I like your thinking.”
He replies, “None, they will all fly away with the first gun shot.”
The teacher replies, “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.”
Then little Johnny says “I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?”
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, “Well, I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.”
To which Little Johnny replied, “The correct answer is ‘the one with the wedding ring on’, but I like your thinking.”
Matt R
That's #1 Member to you. :)
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2001
- Messages
- 5,988
Scott took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Mary?" asked Scott.
"I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale, it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Scott again asked Mary what she would like to do.
"I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Scott lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to go next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Scott figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"
Mary responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy.
"I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale, it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Scott again asked Mary what she would like to do.
"I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Scott lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to go next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Scott figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"
Mary responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy.
57Strat
...................
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,815
You guy's are on a roll...........LMAO
These three men were stranded on an island: a Newfoundlander, a Cape Bretoner and a Quebecian. The three searched the island to try to find a way off when the Newfoundlander came upon a lamp with a genie. The genie popped up and said, “I will grant three wishes, so that's one for each of you.” So the Newfoundlander goes, “Well I wish I was back in Newfoundland.” So puff, he was sent to Newfoundland.
Then the Quebecian jumps up and says me next me next, I know exactly want I want. The Quebecian says, “I would like to build a wall. I want this wall to be 1000 feet high and I want it to surround Quebec, so that nothing can get in and nothing can get out, and I want to be in Quebec.” So the genie says okay and builds the wall, and now Quebec is officially separate from the rest of Canada and the Quebecian is back there.
So now the Cape Bretoner gets up and says, “Tell me more about this wall.” So the genie tells him, “This wall is 1000 feet high and surrounds Quebec and noting can pass in or out of Quebec.”
So the Cape Bretoner says, “Okay. Fill it with water.”
Hey, it's late......
These three men were stranded on an island: a Newfoundlander, a Cape Bretoner and a Quebecian. The three searched the island to try to find a way off when the Newfoundlander came upon a lamp with a genie. The genie popped up and said, “I will grant three wishes, so that's one for each of you.” So the Newfoundlander goes, “Well I wish I was back in Newfoundland.” So puff, he was sent to Newfoundland.
Then the Quebecian jumps up and says me next me next, I know exactly want I want. The Quebecian says, “I would like to build a wall. I want this wall to be 1000 feet high and I want it to surround Quebec, so that nothing can get in and nothing can get out, and I want to be in Quebec.” So the genie says okay and builds the wall, and now Quebec is officially separate from the rest of Canada and the Quebecian is back there.
So now the Cape Bretoner gets up and says, “Tell me more about this wall.” So the genie tells him, “This wall is 1000 feet high and surrounds Quebec and noting can pass in or out of Quebec.”
So the Cape Bretoner says, “Okay. Fill it with water.”
Hey, it's late......
You guy's are cracking me up! Since we're waiting for Michael to receive the box here's another one...
Sitting at home one night with his wife, a man is casually tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth. As the couple take in the latest episode of their favorite program, the man loses concentration for a split second, and a peanut goes into his ear. He tries to get it out, but succeeds only in forcing the thing in awfully
deep.
After a few hours of fruitless rooting the couple decide to go to the hospital, but on their way out of the front door they meet their daughter coming in with her boyfriend.
The boyfriend takes control of the situation; he tells them he's studying medicine and that they're not to worry about a thing. He then sticks two fingers up the man's nose and asks him to blow, and low and behold, the nut shoots from the ear and out across the room.
As the daughter and her boyfriend go through to the kitchen to get drinks, the man and his wife sit down to discuss their luck. "So" the wife says, "what do you think he'll become after he finishes school? A GP or a surgeon?"
"Well says the man, rubbing his nose, "by the smell of his fingers, I think he's likely to be our son-in-law." :0
Sorry.. but it's even later here!
Sitting at home one night with his wife, a man is casually tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth. As the couple take in the latest episode of their favorite program, the man loses concentration for a split second, and a peanut goes into his ear. He tries to get it out, but succeeds only in forcing the thing in awfully
deep.
After a few hours of fruitless rooting the couple decide to go to the hospital, but on their way out of the front door they meet their daughter coming in with her boyfriend.
The boyfriend takes control of the situation; he tells them he's studying medicine and that they're not to worry about a thing. He then sticks two fingers up the man's nose and asks him to blow, and low and behold, the nut shoots from the ear and out across the room.
As the daughter and her boyfriend go through to the kitchen to get drinks, the man and his wife sit down to discuss their luck. "So" the wife says, "what do you think he'll become after he finishes school? A GP or a surgeon?"
"Well says the man, rubbing his nose, "by the smell of his fingers, I think he's likely to be our son-in-law." :0
Sorry.. but it's even later here!