-
Hi Guest - Sign up now for Secret Santa 2024!
Click here to sign up! -
Hi Guest - Come check out all of the new CP Merch Shop! Now you can support CigarPass buy purchasing hats, apparel, and more...
Click here to visit! here...
Viejo paso de los miembros
- Thread starter 57Strat
- Start date
SKYDIVNEKD
Call me "Walt Kowalski"
- Joined
- Jul 24, 2001
- Messages
- 3,789
I'm gonna take a break for about an hour, so please hold off!! :sign:
Floyd T.
Floyd T.
Matt R
That's #1 Member to you. :)
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2001
- Messages
- 5,988
It's nice to see that Joe M, Rod and cohibasurfer will be making a special party to celebrate my birthday, even if I can't make it out to SoCal. I think I will be in Chicago partying like a rock star. But, thanks for thinking of me guys....
57Strat
...................
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,815
Contest:
Most amusing joke...
Start: 2/12/07, 6 AM.
End: 2/15/07, 6 PM CMT.
1st Prize:
(1) Bolivar Gold Medal '04
(4) Cohiba Lanceros '98.
2nd Prize:
(1) Diplomaticos No. 7 '85
(3) Quai D' Orsay Panetelas '96
3rd Prize:
(3) Partagas Serie D No. 4 '98
Good luck!
Most amusing joke...
Start: 2/12/07, 6 AM.
End: 2/15/07, 6 PM CMT.
1st Prize:
(1) Bolivar Gold Medal '04
(4) Cohiba Lanceros '98.
2nd Prize:
(1) Diplomaticos No. 7 '85
(3) Quai D' Orsay Panetelas '96
3rd Prize:
(3) Partagas Serie D No. 4 '98
Good luck!
SKYDIVNEKD
Call me "Walt Kowalski"
- Joined
- Jul 24, 2001
- Messages
- 3,789
Ok, ok I think I got this one. This one time, at band camp.....oh chit, I can't submit until 6am on the 12th!! WTF!!! :sign: I'm gonna have to dig deep for this one. :whistling:
Floyd T.
PS; Y'all gonna get hit with this incoming storm, Devin? We're lookin' at either a chit load of ice or snow. :angry:
Floyd T.
PS; Y'all gonna get hit with this incoming storm, Devin? We're lookin' at either a chit load of ice or snow. :angry:
smellysell
Go Vols!!!
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2007
- Messages
- 9,915
A blond, brunette, and red head are all pregnant sitting around talking. The conversation turns to what sex the babies are going to be.
The brunette says, "I was on bottom, so the baby is going to be a girl."
To this the red head replies, "We were standing up, so the baby is gonna be a boy."
The blond sits there thinking hard, with a very serious look on her face. "Mine is gonna be a puppy."
edit: Oh yeah, not in the pass so didn't worry about the time frame. Have fun guys.
The brunette says, "I was on bottom, so the baby is going to be a girl."
To this the red head replies, "We were standing up, so the baby is gonna be a boy."
The blond sits there thinking hard, with a very serious look on her face. "Mine is gonna be a puppy."
edit: Oh yeah, not in the pass so didn't worry about the time frame. Have fun guys.
SKYDIVNEKD
Call me "Walt Kowalski"
- Joined
- Jul 24, 2001
- Messages
- 3,789
Ah, ain't no biggie. A killer sinus infection/flu, double-knit polyester uniforms, single digit temps and a five car pile-up on the bridge!!! Life just don't get no better than this!!!!! :angry: And knowing what I missed because of it, DAYUM!!!!! :angry: That freakin' groundhog better be right about an early spring. :sign:
Floyd T.
Floyd T.
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2005
- Messages
- 9,894
...posted this back in October but it still makes me chuckle:
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very
faithful and loving wives. However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on
Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk & walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in
the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she
would take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was
wearing a very expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.
She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath
with a ribbon on it, so she decided to wipe with the ribbon. After the
girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally
sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over. He phoned the other
husband and said, "These @++# girl's nights out have got to stop. I'm
starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties"!
"That's nothing" said the other husband. "Mine came back with a card
stuck between the crack of her butt that said, "From all of us at the
Fire Station. We'll never forget you".
Thanks for the contest, Devin, and good luck with the fantastic pass.... :thumbs:
Best Regards - B.B.S.
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very
faithful and loving wives. However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on
Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk & walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in
the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she
would take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was
wearing a very expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.
She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath
with a ribbon on it, so she decided to wipe with the ribbon. After the
girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally
sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over. He phoned the other
husband and said, "These @++# girl's nights out have got to stop. I'm
starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties"!
"That's nothing" said the other husband. "Mine came back with a card
stuck between the crack of her butt that said, "From all of us at the
Fire Station. We'll never forget you".
Thanks for the contest, Devin, and good luck with the fantastic pass.... :thumbs:
Best Regards - B.B.S.
tomthirtysix
Wishing I was as cool as Phil
- Joined
- Dec 27, 2006
- Messages
- 7,066
A little girl is outside, bouncing the ball off the side of the house. THe ball gets away from her and rolls into the rose bush. She goes to grab it, and gets a thorn stuck in her hand. She starts SCREAMING!
Mom runs to the window to see what happened, and tells the little girl to come inside. Mom takes the thorn out, and asks her what she can do to make it better. "Get me a glass of cider, please," the girl says.
Confused, mom goes to the kitchen, and brings back the glass of cider. The little girl then sticks her hand in the glass.
Now mom is really confused. She asks the girl what she's doing, and she says "I heard the babysitter tell one of her friends whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider."
Thanks for the contest.
Mom runs to the window to see what happened, and tells the little girl to come inside. Mom takes the thorn out, and asks her what she can do to make it better. "Get me a glass of cider, please," the girl says.
Confused, mom goes to the kitchen, and brings back the glass of cider. The little girl then sticks her hand in the glass.
Now mom is really confused. She asks the girl what she's doing, and she says "I heard the babysitter tell one of her friends whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider."
Thanks for the contest.
Matt R
That's #1 Member to you. :)
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2001
- Messages
- 5,988
WHY GUITARS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN
Guitars don't get pregnant.
You can play your Guitar any time of the month.
Guitars don't have parents.
Guitars don't whine... unless you want them to.
You can share your Guitar with your friends.
Guitars don't care how many other Guitars you've played
Guitars don't care how many other Guitars you have.
Guitars don't care if you look at other Guitars.
Guitars don't care if you buy Guitar magazines.
You'll never hear, "Surprise, you are going to proud father of a new Guitar" unless you go out to buy one yourself.
If your Guitar is flat you can fix it.
Your Guitar doesn't care if you never listen to it.
Your Guitar won't care if you leave up the toilet seat.
You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your Guitar.
If you say bad things to your Guitar, you don't have to apologize before you play it again.
You can play your Guitar as long as you want and it won't get sore.
You can stop playing your Guitar as soon as you want and it won't get frustrated.
Your parents won't remain in touch with your old Guitar after you dump it.
Guitars don't get headaches.
Guitars don't insult you if you're a bad player.
Your Guitar never wants a night out with the other Guitars.
Guitars don't care if you're late.
You don't have to take a shower before you play your Guitar.
If your Guitar doesn't look good you can refinish it or get new parts.
You can play your Guitar the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.
The only protection you have to wear when playing your Guitar is a decent thumb pick.
When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great time you had the last time you played your Guitar.
and last, but not least:
If you decide to part with an old Guitar, you don't have to give up half of everything you own
Guitars don't get pregnant.
You can play your Guitar any time of the month.
Guitars don't have parents.
Guitars don't whine... unless you want them to.
You can share your Guitar with your friends.
Guitars don't care how many other Guitars you've played
Guitars don't care how many other Guitars you have.
Guitars don't care if you look at other Guitars.
Guitars don't care if you buy Guitar magazines.
You'll never hear, "Surprise, you are going to proud father of a new Guitar" unless you go out to buy one yourself.
If your Guitar is flat you can fix it.
Your Guitar doesn't care if you never listen to it.
Your Guitar won't care if you leave up the toilet seat.
You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your Guitar.
If you say bad things to your Guitar, you don't have to apologize before you play it again.
You can play your Guitar as long as you want and it won't get sore.
You can stop playing your Guitar as soon as you want and it won't get frustrated.
Your parents won't remain in touch with your old Guitar after you dump it.
Guitars don't get headaches.
Guitars don't insult you if you're a bad player.
Your Guitar never wants a night out with the other Guitars.
Guitars don't care if you're late.
You don't have to take a shower before you play your Guitar.
If your Guitar doesn't look good you can refinish it or get new parts.
You can play your Guitar the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.
The only protection you have to wear when playing your Guitar is a decent thumb pick.
When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great time you had the last time you played your Guitar.
and last, but not least:
If you decide to part with an old Guitar, you don't have to give up half of everything you own
Matt R
That's #1 Member to you. :)
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2001
- Messages
- 5,988
A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed.
"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.
"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.
And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.
"Go and get help!" he cried.
"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"
"Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."
Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."
"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.
"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.
And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.
"Go and get help!" he cried.
"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"
"Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."
Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."
smellysell
Go Vols!!!
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2007
- Messages
- 9,915
I attended a party this past weekend.
After checking out all the well-dressed guests at the party, I spotted an attractive woman (standing alone) across the room.
When I approached and asked her name, she coyly replied, "Carmen."
Trying to maintain some sort of conversation with her, I responded with "That's a beautiful name, is it a family name?"
"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself, because it reflects the things I like most in the world - cars and men."
Then she asked, "What's your name?"
"Golf tits," I replied.
After checking out all the well-dressed guests at the party, I spotted an attractive woman (standing alone) across the room.
When I approached and asked her name, she coyly replied, "Carmen."
Trying to maintain some sort of conversation with her, I responded with "That's a beautiful name, is it a family name?"
"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself, because it reflects the things I like most in the world - cars and men."
Then she asked, "What's your name?"
"Golf tits," I replied.
smellysell
Go Vols!!!
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2007
- Messages
- 9,915
Before anybody gets offended, I'M INDIAN (NO, NOT NATIVE AMERICAN, INDIAN)
When you are greeezie,
I will take your fry bread and hangover soup away...
When you are low on commodities,
I will share mine (except for the cheese) (aka Coeur d’Alene Gold)...
When your rez runners 4th donut spare blows out, I will wave at you
As I go by...
When you have too many hickies,
I won't tell anyone who gave them to you (not even you)...
When you smile,
I won't laff at your IHS dental work...
When your accent gets too thick,
I will record you and figure it out later...
When I borrow the latest powwow tape from you, I promise to give it
Back... (If I can't find it, I'll sing it for you)
When you pass out,
I promise to make sure you don't get painted up...
When you snag one of my ex's...
I promise to try real hard not to get mad...
When you have just come out of the rain to visit my house...
I will dry your clothes with my oven, warm you up, and fry you some
Potatoes all at the same time...
Cuz I JUST LUFF YOU!
When you are greeezie,
I will take your fry bread and hangover soup away...
When you are low on commodities,
I will share mine (except for the cheese) (aka Coeur d’Alene Gold)...
When your rez runners 4th donut spare blows out, I will wave at you
As I go by...
When you have too many hickies,
I won't tell anyone who gave them to you (not even you)...
When you smile,
I won't laff at your IHS dental work...
When your accent gets too thick,
I will record you and figure it out later...
When I borrow the latest powwow tape from you, I promise to give it
Back... (If I can't find it, I'll sing it for you)
When you pass out,
I promise to make sure you don't get painted up...
When you snag one of my ex's...
I promise to try real hard not to get mad...
When you have just come out of the rain to visit my house...
I will dry your clothes with my oven, warm you up, and fry you some
Potatoes all at the same time...
Cuz I JUST LUFF YOU!
smellysell
Go Vols!!!
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2007
- Messages
- 9,915
One more.
Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional.
In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," Fred said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been the size of a peanut.
Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.
"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am . .I don't know what
came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem ?"
"It's swollen," Fred replied.
Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional.
In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," Fred said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been the size of a peanut.
Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.
"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am . .I don't know what
came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem ?"
"It's swollen," Fred replied.