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Thought’s Dad Joke Thread

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His brother said, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there Hind Lick Maneuver but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"
 
A man goes to the doctor. “Doctor I'm dying, no matter what part of my body I touch it's extremely painful.”

He touches his arm and screams with pain. He touches leg, extreme pain. He touches his head, unbearable pain.

Doctor: You broke your finger.
 
Jeff @CigarStone was setting at a bus stop when up walked a young guy with a spiked orange, blue, red, green and yellow mohawk. Jeff was looking at the guy and the guy looked at Jeff and said... what the fuck you looking at old man? Ain't you never seen a punk rocker before? Jeff calmly looked directly at his hair style and back into his eyes and said, Well I was thinking you might be my Son. The punker said what? How could I be your Son? ... Jeff smirks and replied, you see back in my crazy days I got drunk down in Mexico on Tequila, and well...on a dare, I fucked a parrot.


To much thc? 😎✌
 
A guy tried to sell me a coffin.
I told him that’s the last thing I need.

Little known fact: Before the crowbar was invented.
Crows simply drank at home.

My boss hates when I shorten his name to Dick.
Especially because his name’s Steve.


4AC8E8CB-E0F6-4434-9C03-5907F14EFA64.jpeg
 
cohibasurfer said:
Jeff @CigarStone was setting at a bus stop when up walked a young guy with a spiked orange, blue, red, green and yellow mohawk. Jeff was looking at the guy and the guy looked at Jeff and said... what the fuck you looking at old man? Ain't you never seen a punk rocker before? Jeff calmly looked directly at his hair style and back into his eyes and said, Well I was thinking you might be my Son. The punker said what? How could I be your Son? ... Jeff smirks and replied, you see back in my crazy days I got drunk down in Mexico on Tequila, and well...on a dare, I fucked a parrot.


To much thc? 😎✌
Click to expand...
For a minute there, you had me going! But I dont think it was a parrot.
 
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