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Thought’s Dad Joke Thread

A Czechoslovakian man is the lion trainer at a large zoo, he cares for two lions, one male, one female. One day a janitor finds the aftermath of a terrible mauling. There is nothing left of the trainer but one shoe.

The janitor is pretty sure he saw the male licking blood from his lips, so they euthanize the male lion and cut him open. To their horror, there is no sign of the trainer in the stomach of the male lion.

The moral of the story is ....... Don't believe anybody who says "the Chech is in the male".
 
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A trucker walks into a fancy New Orleans brothel, plops down $500 and says "I'd like your ugliest girl and a grilled cheese sandwich".

The madame replies that for $500, he could have one of the prettiest girls and a fine meal.

The guy responds, "I'm not hungry, just homesick!"
 
A guy walks into a bar and has a couple drinks, he chats with a few people and then says to the bartender "I'll bet you $50 I can piss in that shot glass at the end of the bar and not miss a drop". The bartender says "you're on". The guy stand up on the bar and proceeds to piss all over the bartender and all over the bar without coming anywhere near the shot glass.

As the guy is laughing the bartender says "you owe me $50, what are you laughing at?" The guy says "I bet those guys at the end of the bar $100 each I could piss all over you and get away with it"
 
CgarDan said:
Not sure if this belongs here. A screw it as good a place as any

www.newsbreakapp.com

2 people fell into a chocolate tank in the Mars M&M factory prompting an emergency rescue response - NewsBreak

The Occupational Safety and Health Administration is investigating the incident, a spokesperson told Insider on Friday.
www.newsbreakapp.com www.newsbreakapp.com
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Yea that happened close to home. Condition still unknown as far as I know.

However I have absolutely no idea how that place is going to pass an OSHA inspection, besides their wallet.
 
This joke was on me!

I stopped at the store Thursday on my way to my cabin and picked up a couple things including a brick of cheese that looked good.

I went golfing and I was proud of myself because I didn't drink much (trying to lose my gut). I went home after golf and because I didn't got to the bar, I also didn't eat.

I walked into my cabin and grabbed that brick of cheese, opened it up and sliced off a big chunk and down it. My body started convulsing and everything above my belt was on fire. I looked at the wrapper and it was ghost pepper cheese. I was genuinely suffering!

I opened the fridge and grabbed what "I thought" was a bottle of water. intending to chug the whole thing and grab another. Unfortunately, it was not water, it was vodka I had put in a water bottle for a late night ATV ride last weekend and never used an of it.

Because my mouth, nose, sinuses, throat, and stomach were paralyzed, I didn't realize it was vodka until I had chugged half the bottle.

Needless to say, the buzz kicked in about 15 minutes later.🥳
 
CigarStone said:
This joke was on me!

I stopped at the store Thursday on my way to my cabin and picked up a couple things including a brick of cheese that looked good.

I went golfing and I was proud of myself because I didn't drink much (trying to lose my gut). I went home after golf and because I didn't got to the bar, I also didn't eat.

I walked into my cabin and grabbed that brick of cheese, opened it up and sliced off a big chunk and down it. My body started convulsing and everything above my belt was on fire. I looked at the wrapper and it was ghost pepper cheese. I was genuinely suffering!

I opened the fridge and grabbed what "I thought" was a bottle of water. intending to chug the whole thing and grab another. Unfortunately, it was not water, it was vodka I had put in a water bottle for a late night ATV ride last weekend and never used an of it.

Because my mouth, nose, sinuses, throat, and stomach were paralyzed, I didn't realize it was vodka until I had chugged half the bottle.

Needless to say, the buzz kicked in about 15 minutes later.🥳
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You're gonna need that other half a bottle when it's time to eject that cheese the next day!
 
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