Thought’s Dad Joke Thread

[CigarStone]

A man is standing at the bar when a fat lady grabs his butt and says

"you're kinda cute, do you have a phone number?"
He says
"do you have a pen?"
She says
"sure"
He says
"well get back in it before the farmer notices you're missing!"

 

[CigarStone]

I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please"



Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?";



I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'

 

[CigarStone]

I was talking to a young woman at the Legion last night.


She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."


I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

 

[CigarStone]

I went to the bar last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.


I said, "Good legs."


The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"


I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

 

[drunkfish3]

 

[drunkfish3]

 

[kann]

 

[drunkfish3]

 

[PaulTra]

View attachment 46241

Been there done that.

 

[drunkfish3]

 

[PaulTra]

THAT'S SIR PATRICK STEWART NOT IAN MC..... ya almost got me!

 

[Eqwhipped]

A funny little story.

A friend of mine was at home watching TV with his wife. He's watching the game from across the room and asked to borrow his wife's glasses complaining he could not see the the score.

His wife hands him the glasses and squinting at the TV says. "Let's get a new TV"
He jumps out of his seat with a victory hoot.

The following day he's all excited and wife's driving to the electronic store. He tells her she made a wrong turn and they pull into a parking lot for the eye doctor.

She tells him "let's get you some glasses".

 

[drunkfish3]

 

[CBoukal]

 

[jbfurdog]

View attachment 46269

This will be the day that you die.

 

[bfreebern]

Watched Jungle Cruise with the family today and there are a ton of Dad jokes/puns in it.

 

[Eqwhipped]

Watched Jungle Cruise with the family today and there are a ton of Dad jokes/puns in it.

I was wondering if that was any good, our family likes most of Dwayne Johnson movies.

 

[bfreebern]

I was wondering if that was any good, our family likes most of Dwayne Johnson movies.

It’s a good one.

My buddy just had knee surgery. He asked the doctor if he could close up the incision. The doctor said, “suture yourself”.

 

[PaulTra]

 

[drunkfish3]