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Thought’s Dad Joke Thread


When people see a cat's litter box they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?"
I just say, "No, it's for company!"

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, "An ambulance."

The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Have you ever noticed: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he knows when he's really in trouble.

Did you ever notice that when you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs?"

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Some people try to turn back their "odometers." Not me. I want people to know why I look this way. I've travelled a long way and a lot of the roads were not paved.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up, sags or leaks.

Ah! Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable.

Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.

May you always have:
Love to share,
Cash to spare,
Tires with air, and
Friends who care.
 
Just finished another book. Adding it to my favorites list. So far, I’ve finished:

‘the long descent’ by Eileen Dover

‘Trails in the sand’ by Peter Dragon

‘Hole in the mattress’ by Mr. Completely
 
Thoughts said:
Just finished another book. Adding it to my favorites list. So far, I’ve finished:

‘the long descent’ by Eileen Dover

‘Trails in the sand’ by Peter Dragon

‘Hole in the mattress’ by Mr. Completely
Click to expand...

After all the shit y'all gave that other guy, you should know that book titles get underlined and the words get capitalized...lol
 
Supposedly a true story.................Chi Chi rodriguez and Lee Trevino were playing golf one day and there happened to be a port-a-john near the fairway. Chi Chi said to Lee, "oh look, a Mexican townhouse", to which Lee said, "yeah, we sub-lease the basement to Puerto Ricans"
 
CigarStone said:
Supposedly a true story.................Chi Chi rodriguez and Lee Trevino were playing golf one day and there happened to be a port-a-john near the fairway. Chi Chi said to Lee, "oh look, a Mexican townhouse", to which Lee said, "yeah, we sub-lease the basement to Puerto Ricans"
Click to expand...
The good ole days, when people could actually joke without someone getting offended...
 
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