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Spreading the cheer contest

A humorous Christmas Story

About 15 years ago my brother owned a big black Great Dane, his name was Midnight.
He was a beautiful animal and weighed about 150 pounds. An absolutely huge dog.
We were a little worried about having a dog that big in the house for the weekend, but my brother assured us it would not be a problem.
So my brother and the dog come over Christmas Eve. The tree is lit and has presents all around it. Midnight comes into the room walks around the tree sniffing.
He then lifts his leg and before we could stop him starts peeing on some of the presents under the tree.
Man, we freaked. The wife was screaming, kids were crying, my brother was yelling at the dog and I was laughing my ass off.
Well as it turned out the only presents that got pee’ed on were for my brother.
Coincidence, not sure, but is certainly was poetic justice
 
junkman_56 said:
A humorous Christmas Story

About 15 years ago my brother owned a big black Great Dane, his name was Midnight.
He was a beautiful animal and weighed about 150 pounds. An absolutely huge dog.
We were a little worried about having a dog that big in the house for the weekend, but my brother assured us it would not be a problem.
So my brother and the dog come over Christmas Eve. The tree is lit and has presents all around it. Midnight comes into the room walks around the tree sniffing.
He then lifts his leg and before we could stop him starts peeing on some of the presents under the tree.
Man, we freaked. The wife was screaming, kids were crying, my brother was yelling at the dog and I was laughing my ass off.
Well as it turned out the only presents that got pee’ed on were for my brother.
Coincidence, not sure, but is certainly was poetic justice
Click to expand...


LOL, I have a big black GD, but she doesn't lift her leg to pee. Great story, reminds me of Christmas Vacation for some reason.
 
Great story, junkman_56! That reminds me of another one...

I'd celebrated a little pre-Christmas gift exchange with an ex-girlfriend of mine at my apartment, and then we went out for dinner, leaving my two cats at home to fend for themselves.

When I returned, one of the cats was freaking out. I could hear the ruckus from outside of my apartment door, and when I opened it, the cat was making a really strange loud combination meow/hissing sound, and was running around my apartment at mach-10.

She was a little grey blur, knocking over everything in a little feline tornado of fury. Then I noticed something dangling from her cat butt as she was tearing through my small apartment... and I got really concerned, it looked like her intestines were distended from her bowels and she was dragging them behind her.

It took me a good 10 minutes just to be able to catch her, and then I realized the slightly humorous truth to what was going on... she'd swallowed an entire red Christmas package ribbon, and had been dragging a pile of her clumped cat poop and bile dangling from the end of it all over my apartment.

I had kitty skid marks on EVERYTHING. The walls, the couches, the bed, even the TV had a nice shit-smear racing stripes all over it.

I then spent the next 30 minutes of quality time with the cat holding her down while I pulled the some 6 feet of ribbon slowly through her digestive tract an out of her ass. Oh yeah, we bonded. For sure.

Yeah, that wasn't fun actually. It took days to fully clean the apartment.
 
I'll give you one.

My son who is now 20 was about 10 at the time. From the time he was 2-3 my wife used to read him "Peef the Christmas Bear" story and when he learned to read we would break the book out a Xmas and my son would read it, it was Xmas tradition! So the age of 10 or so comes along and my son decides that there is no Santa, I try as I might to convience him otherwise but he isn't having any of it. About a week before Xmas he tells my wife that if there really is a Santa that Santa would bring him Peef the bear. Its simply a stuffed bear but at the time I never ever saw a Peef the bear in any teddy bear store so I figure I screwed, long story short I find one in time for Xmas and wrap it up under the tree. When my son opened that gift and saw that bear he almost wet himself he was so happy. I got another 2 years of him thinking there was a Santa and to this day I can't bring myself to throw that bear away (its stashed in my closet).
 
Great story wasy, my son is almost 9 and I have been wondering when this day will come. Thanks for sharing your experience.
 
Here's a story that may bring some tears, it did when it happened.

2 years ago my sister in law and thier family bought a big ass christmas tree from a local farm. After they got the tree set, decorated, watered and finished, they noticed a small Praying Mantis on one of the branches. Amused by it my neice kept it in a terearium till the weather got warmer. The next day thier house was filled with hundreds of little Praying Mantisis! There must have been a nest in the tree and when it got warm from being inside, all the eggs hatched!

That was the funny part. That same year, my brother in law replaced the stone hearth in front of his fireplace. What he didn't do was put metal panning under the hearth and firebox to prevent the subfloor between the new hearth and firebox from burning. The space was only less that 1/64 of an inch but alas, a spark found that little spot.

They had lit the fireplace and burned it for a while but my niece had a fit because "Santa" couldn't come down the chimney with it lit! So he put the fire out, put all the presents under the tree, and they all went to bed early to get ready for X-mas Day.

My sister in law woke up to heavy smoke in the house. She ran to get my niece and call 911. My B-I-L went into the basement to find the fire and try to put it out. It was under the fireplace and above the furnace\utlility room. He used 3 extingushers but could not put it out.

After the fire department put out the fire and left, we all went in to survey the damage. The house was gone, the tree was gone, and all the presents were gone, or so we thought. One present was forgotten as hte rest were placed under the tree. It was the Holiday Barbie that my niece had gotten each year. So she was left with that one special present.

That evening we were out trying to find some extra clothes and toiletries for the in-laws since all thiers were lost and we came upon a man and his daughter whom had been living out of thier car. They were in Walmart hanging out by the front door for warmth I imagine.

As we walked past them, my niece asked us what they were doing. I had told her they were homless and trying to get warm. She asked if they didn't have a home, how did santa find them to giver the little girl her presents. With all the stress of the day we just told her he didn't hop[ing that would end it. Well it didn't.

As we walked out the store my niece stopped and walked over to the little girl and handed her the Holiday Barbie that she clung to all day. She asked her father if it was ok and at first he said no. But my niece insisted. And if any of you have a little girl you know what that means.

So this little 4 year old princess of a niece of mine taught us all a lesson that day. It dosent matter how bad off you might think you are, there is always someone else who needs something more than you, even if it's just a barbie doll.

Happy Holidays!!

George
 
smoke76 said:
Here's a story that may bring some tears, it did when it happened.

2 years ago my sister in law and thier family bought a big ass christmas tree from a local farm. After they got the tree set, decorated, watered and finished, they noticed a small Praying Mantis on one of the branches. Amused by it my neice kept it in a terearium till the weather got warmer. The next day thier house was filled with hundreds of little Praying Mantisis! There must have been a nest in the tree and when it got warm from being inside, all the eggs hatched!

That was the funny part. That same year, my brother in law replaced the stone hearth in front of his fireplace. What he didn't do was put metal panning under the hearth and firebox to prevent the subfloor between the new hearth and firebox from burning. The space was only less that 1/64 of an inch but alas, a spark found that little spot.

They had lit the fireplace and burned it for a while but my niece had a fit because "Santa" couldn't come down the chimney with it lit! So he put the fire out, put all the presents under the tree, and they all went to bed early to get ready for X-mas Day.

My sister in law woke up to heavy smoke in the house. She ran to get my niece and call 911. My B-I-L went into the basement to find the fire and try to put it out. It was under the fireplace and above the furnace\utlility room. He used 3 extingushers but could not put it out.

After the fire department put out the fire and left, we all went in to survey the damage. The house was gone, the tree was gone, and all the presents were gone, or so we thought. One present was forgotten as hte rest were placed under the tree. It was the Holiday Barbie that my niece had gotten each year. So she was left with that one special present.

That evening we were out trying to find some extra clothes and toiletries for the in-laws since all thiers were lost and we came upon a man and his daughter whom had been living out of thier car. They were in Walmart hanging out by the front door for warmth I imagine.

As we walked past them, my niece asked us what they were doing. I had told her they were homless and trying to get warm. She asked if they didn't have a home, how did santa find them to giver the little girl her presents. With all the stress of the day we just told her he didn't hop[ing that would end it. Well it didn't.

As we walked out the store my niece stopped and walked over to the little girl and handed her the Holiday Barbie that she clung to all day. She asked her father if it was ok and at first he said no. But my niece insisted. And if any of you have a little girl you know what that means.

So this little 4 year old princess of a niece of mine taught us all a lesson that day. It dosent matter how bad off you might think you are, there is always someone else who needs something more than you, even if it's just a barbie doll.

Happy Holidays!!

George
Click to expand...

me thinks we have a winner...pardon me a minute my eyes are burning

Lou
 
ok, I actually have a fairly decent christmas story.

About 5 years ago, I was in between jobs and generally kind of pissed at the world. I had gone to school for Manufacturing Engineering, and honestly was not having very good luck with jobs in that field. I had moved from Iowa, to Florida, and then to NC. In a matter of 3 years I had been laid off from 3 different places. So I said screw it, and tried out a new profession. Sales. :laugh:

I was actually dumb enough to do this job for over a year. Door to door sales. It really wasn't too bad of a gig either. We had a great product (for a while anyways) and good people. But it was way too much like the movie Boiler Room and eventually ended. Anyways, on with my story.

It was my last day of work before our Christmas break...which basically means it was probably about 6:30pm on Christmas eve. We had to work a ton of hours all the time, and holidays were usually no different. I was doing my best that day to make the best of it. I was out working with a couple of my better friends and we were having a good time. We even were all sporting nice Santa hats. Looking back on this, it actually was pretty crazy that we were really walking around that close to christmas knocking on people doors and bothering them. By the way, that's why I sucked at that job, I always felt like I was bothering people.

Walking my neighborhood, got my fake cheer and smile going on and were having fun. I come up to this particular house and knock on the door, then step back down to the side walk. I see a guy coming to the door and he opens up the inside door, leaving the storm door shut. As I see this guy standing there, I notice that he is covered in head to toe in spots of white paint. Immediately I see my ice breaker and decide to go for it. (ice breakers were important)

Me "sir, I know I have to work, but its almost christmas, you must be really dedicated to be working now."
guy "what are you talking about?"
Me " to be in there painting now, are you guys remodeling"
guy "what do you mean"
Me "well, I just saw you were covered in paint and figured you were remodeling"
guy shakes his head and steps out of the darkness and into the light.
Guy "does this look like paint to you asshole?"
me..."oh.....shit. sorry. I go now"

this poor guy had some sort of skin condition. Like that sore-eye-isis (can't spell that word) where you get the flaky white stuff on your skin??? anyways, he had something...and he had a lot of it.

I felt like such a total dick. Not only did I go up and bother this guy near christmas, I probably ruined his night as well.

When we got back to the office that night, I made and even bigger mistake...I shared the story with the rest of the guys. Everyone just thought that was the funniest shit ever, and it took me a long time to live that one down.
 
That's "psoriasis" HillyBilly. :laugh:

smoke76's story is a good one but I think Wurm's is better. :thumbs:
 
The box is all packed up and ready to ship... get to work boys! :D
 
coventrycat86 said:
That's "psoriasis" HillyBilly. :laugh:

smoke76's story is a good one but I think Wurm's is better. :thumbs:
Click to expand...

Yea, but it costs soooooo much to sned it to Germany!! :whistling:

Great story Wurm. Hats off to ya if you win!! :thumbs: :angry:
 
bump for the last day of the contest! Where's the holiday cheer, folks?!?! :)
 
Holiday cheer is in the George Washington Egg Nog thread in the Saloon.
 
Why I still believe in Santa, or "the Cleburne Christmas"



I know I've just missed the contest deadline but I really wanted to share this story of one of the most meaningful Christmas' of my life.


Growing up, there were good years and bad but then again, I guess that's really a matter of one's perspective isn't it? You see, we didn't have much when I was growing up. My father was a very prideful man and would often let his pride get in the way of reason. He never seemed to be able to keep a job.


It was just a few weeks before my 6th or 7th Christmas when he left. We were living in Cleburne, TX and he told my mom that he was going to Fort Worth to look for work. He made sure the rent was paid for the next month and off he went. A few days after he had gone, the landlord brought the Constable and moved our stuff out of the house. The check my Dad used to pay the rent had bounced.


We had nowhere to go and no money to get there but some good folks from a local church helped my mom find a place; it was an abandoned burger joint, Whataburger for you Texans. We now "affectionately refer to it as the "bug house" for reasons too obvious to go in to. It had a roof, running water, and of course a 'kitchen'. My mom slept in what was once the office and my brothers and sister and I had beds in the dining area. It was close enough to our schools that we could walk, that helped make things easier for mom.


It seems he had no luck finding work in Ft Worth so about a week before Christmas dad came back home. Things were pretty depressing for my parents but I was too young to have any idea that things were anything but great. I mean how bad could it be? My dad was home, I was out of school for Christmas break and Santa was coming in few days. Everything was just as it should be. We didn't have a tree yet but we'd get one, everyone gets a tree for Christmas don't they?


Christmas Eve, no job for dad yet and no tree either but we were in luck. My brothers and I had been playing ball at the high school when we saw two Christmas trees in the dumpster. We ran home and asked my mom if we could bring them home. She said no but we could bring ONE home and leave the other for another family that might need it.


We brought it home and mom got the ornaments out and took the Christmas 'chicken' out to thaw and we started to decorate that dried up stick and turned it into a Christmas tree. It was very much like the tree from "A Charlie Brown Christmas". We were singing Christmas carols and, well…having Christmas. And Santa was coming as soon as we went to bed!!


But the reality was that my dad was still out of work and had nothing to put under the tree. In fact, he was out looking for work while we were dragging the tree home and decorating it. When he stepped into the doorway after being dropped off, he saw his family celebrating the Season without any chance of finding presents under the tree in the morning. So this very prideful man did what I'm sure I would have done had I been where he stood; he turned and stepped back outside so no one could see him cry.


Well, remember, this is the story of why I still believe in Santa, It really does end very well. When he stepped back outside, there at his feet was a large box of beautifully wrapped gifts for everyone in the house, all marked "from Santa" and not a soul in sight. It took him quite some time to compose himself enough to lift that box and put the gifts under the tree. And when morning came, it was a Christmas like none other.


I've spent decades remembering this story to my own children, never having any idea who the selfless Santa was until about three years ago when I learned that my oldest brother and sister had been collecting pop bottles so they could make sure their younger brothers could have gifts from Santa on Christmas. The gifts from that Christmas still continue to bless my family and I hope that some of you may find a little blessing in it as well.

Merry Christmas Brothers and Sisters!
 
Awesome story Mike!

This is looked at as the time of the year to share with your family, friends and neighbors.

I say it should be this way all year long.

Merry Christmas BOTLs and SOTLs!
 
Really nice story, Preembargo, wish it wasn't past the deadline.

In any event... the winner is....






WURM!

Shoot me your address and how to declare such a thing for customs, Wurm, and away it goes!
 
moki said:
Really nice story, Preembargo, wish it wasn't past the deadline.

In any event... the winner is....






WURM!

Shoot me your address and how to declare such a thing for customs, Wurm, and away it goes!
Click to expand...

Wow!

Thanks for the great contest Moki, and as much as I love the cigars included in that box...

Please send them to the following address.

OpFTH
c/o
Mike Beach
5313 Scott Dr
North Richland Hills, TX
76180

Mike, open the box and share the love with some deserving troops for the holiday season!

Shawn
 
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