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PM's from a Lurker

pembroke3355 said:
Just follow some rules and show the proper respect that the FOG'S and everyone deserves and you will find this is a wonderful place with really helpful people.
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Well said and, as a fellow newbie, I agree. I have not entertained the thought of entering a pass or a trade. Frankly, I don't know anyone here better than they know me so why would I want to risk it either? My participation in the site is for information and entertainment. If that progresses to passes, trades and the like and if I can bring something to the community here then that is great too.

I can't say that I have seen much of people getting overly pushy with newbies. There have been a few hard comments but nothing I would think exceeded reasonable bounds. The civility of this site depends on some rules of decorum that are policed by the members...I think it works well. If you are so afraid of posting then don't do it - but don't expect much in return.
 
ashauler said:
Well, I've lurked my ass off here, it took me over a year after joining to post an intro. I post mainly at another board that happens to have quite a few members that are members here as well, but it has fewer regular posters and less going on.....not a bad thing for me, just different. I see alot of you at some boards I frequent as a lurker.

This is a large board, lots of information, lots of "happenings", large numbers of extremely knowledgeable and generous BOTL's, and many with long histories here and obvious personal friendships. This, in and of itself, can be intimidating........like filling up the Saturday foursome when Elmer gets sick. I find that, in my noobiness, I rarely have anything "new" to say as regards cigar content........and yeah, in this rather sophisticated (not meant negatively) environment I hesitate to offer reviews, etc.....(again, not meant negatively). I've not joined a pass or completed the newb sampler trade here, and I don't think my post count qualifies as active member so B/S/T forum is a no go as well. I have no issue with that and respect the rules here.

Would I PM any member and ask for a source.......no. Would I maybe PM and ask for advice on something specific other than a source......yep.......maybe introduce myself and see if a trade can be worked out....yep. I don't see anything wrong with that. If the member chose not to trade with me, or objected to my PM they could ignore it or reply to that affect......no harm, no foul.

I have never in my time here witnessed an unjustified attack on a newby.........correction and/or clarification to the degree dictated by the newb's attitude....you betcha', as it should be.

Can't believe I posted twice in one day.
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I agree with Ashauler.

There are also other reasons one might lurk. In many cases a newbie is new to cigars as well as the board or boards in general. Their collections may be very limited and contain mostly everyday cigars. I know mine does. Most trades and passes on this board are for the higher end sticks and this removes newbies from participation. It is just recently (that I have seen) passes specifically for newbies have been initiated. This is a great intro to passes for us.

This is a hobby and, as such, every person sets his/her own budget. After I am in it for a few years I am sure I, and other newbies, will have a nice selection of higher end sticks in their collections and be able to participate in more passes, trades, etc. However, that takes time. (Please don’t read into this that I am short on funds or pleading poverty. Other things like my wife and children, the roof over our heads, and putting in a pool for the kids take priority.)

Another reason someone might lurk is that unlike many of you, they may not be a Type A personality. (Not meant as an insult to anyone.) While I, and possibly other, don’t post more is that it is just our personality not to be very vocal. This has nothing to do with ones self-esteem, fear of someone flaming us, or some deep, hidden insecurity. It is simply a personality trait. It does make it hard to become known on the board, but is that such a big problem? I think not. Again, time will take care of it.

I, and many other new people, have learned much about this hobby of ours from this forum and I thank Rod for hosting it. However, the level at which each person participates is influenced by many factors in our individual lives. Does this make lurkers bad people? I think not. It just takes longer to get to know them and find their true character. Who knows? They might become your next good friend.

Just my two cents.
 
After going through the first page of this, it appears to me that Alan did indead hit the nail on the head, as did Rod with the self esteam thing. Also, I've never seen a newbie get beaten down who didn't have it coming. Some people will not read the rules, then get corrected and then act like they had their balls stepped on which ultimatly ends up in the said beat down. I think when we are approached by PMs like the one KB recieved, its up to us to help the newbie come out of their shell, so to speak.
 
I'm very new here, and I had a member PM me about what he thought was an "error in judgment" on my part. He thought I was a retailer posting in the wrong forum. I PM'ed back explaining why I had posted in that forum, and that it wouldn't happen again. I didn't make excuses or get into a "pissing contest" with him, just explained why I had posted where I did. He PM'ed back and apologized for the confusion on thinking I was a retailer, and that was the end of it, no blood no foul (hockey fan).

I didn't get jumped on, or called out in the forum, it was handled via PM in a gentlemanly way, and IMHO, that says a lot about both the member in question and CP!

I expect to make mistakes here, (not too many I hope), and it's nice to know that when I do they will be handled like this!

Rocky
 
Being new anywhere can be daunting... I think it is/was very easy getting my start here at CP... Follow the rules, be kind, participate, give back, and accept advice when you fu(& up, and you will be fine. That, and apologize when you do make your inevitable newbie mistakes.

I've found 90% of the people here to be very welcoming and accepting if they think you are in it for the long haul.

Just my 2cents.
 
KayakinBoy said:
Lurker:
No Problem,
Found it. Google is great!
Don't post primarily because any time a newby does, he/she gets their ass handed to them by the FOGs. Seem to be sport on most these groups.
Thanks
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I am still a noob and have not had "my ass handed to me by the FOG's".
Did I miss out on something..>>??? ahahaha

To bad this lurker has painted with such a broad brush as it really does nothing positive to represent him or what CP is about..I have gotten nothing but great information, new friendships and a great new place for me to hang my hat.

art

* edit to correct
 
cabaiguan juan said:
After going through the first page of this, it appears to me that Alan did indead hit the nail on the head, as did Rod with the self esteam thing. Also, I've never seen a newbie get beaten down who didn't have it coming. Some people will not read the rules, then get corrected and then act like they had their balls stepped on which ultimatly ends up in the said beat down. I think when we are approached by PMs like the one KB recieved, its up to us to help the newbie come out of their shell, so to speak.
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Right on. Although I don't think we need to go poking sticks into shells. Some people prefer it that way. Doesn't necessarily mean they have low esteem, though they may. Long as they're aren't headed to the clock tower with a rifle, doesn't bother me.

However, if this particular lurker has been 'lurking' for two years, he/she should know better than to pm someone for sources.
 
tsmckenney said:
However, if this particular lurker has been 'lurking' for two years, he/she should know better than to pm someone for sources.
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Well put!

Anyone who has "Lurked" for any given time is bound to have seen the result of a newbie asking about sources.

Might as well ask for the secret recipe for Bush's Baked Beans :laugh:
 
tsmckenney said:
cabaiguan juan said:
After going through the first page of this, it appears to me that Alan did indead hit the nail on the head, as did Rod with the self esteam thing. Also, I've never seen a newbie get beaten down who didn't have it coming. Some people will not read the rules, then get corrected and then act like they had their balls stepped on which ultimatly ends up in the said beat down. I think when we are approached by PMs like the one KB recieved, its up to us to help the newbie come out of their shell, so to speak.
Click to expand...


Right on. Although I don't think we need to go poking sticks into shells. Some people prefer it that way. Doesn't necessarily mean they have low esteem, though they may. Long as they're aren't headed to the clock tower with a rifle, doesn't bother me.

However, if this particular lurker has been 'lurking' for two years, he/she should know better than to pm someone for sources.
Click to expand...

IMHO, real problem here isn't with the lurking.......its with the stupidity of the PM and the PM'er. Without a doubt, he/she should have known better......besides, doesn't being a lurker mean that you READ the board as your primary goal.

I am the quiet, shy, reserved type ;)...........I don't go jumping into a crowd shaking hands IRL either. Doesn't have anything to do with my self-esteem..............just my personality.

Damn, 3 in one day, gotta lay off the caffeine.
 
One thing that I think many new guys find daunting is our insistance as a community that the rules of grammer, spelling and punctuation be followed. We pride ourselves on being a public resource, and wish to appear professional in that aspect.

This should not preclude those who do not have the ability to converse as such. There are some fine and upstanding members here who do not for whatever reason possess the rudimentry skills in the english language. They get a pass, because it is who they are, and they are contributing members of the forum. If you can't write well, so be it, let us know that, and then do your best.

The shift key however requires very little formal training, and should be used by all. Also, this is not a chat room or a text message forum. Spell the words out. There are some accronyms that we use in connection with our hobby, but it should end there.

If you've been lurking for years, chances are you have something to contribute.
 
I never lurked, I should have, but I didn't. I really had no idea what I was getting into when I joined CP. I decided one day that I was going to start smoking cigars, looked over a few boards for layout, flow, and topics, and settled in.

It has been the best choice I have made as a cigar smoker, hands down. I had no idea about family and community on an internet forum before this one, and now all other forums seem, well, a bit faded.

With my new job and such, I am not on here as much as I would like to be, don’t post as much as I would like, but I still get here as much as I can. There really is not much, as far as cigar knowledge goes, that I can offer, but every now and then a topic comes up that I have a strong personal feeling about, or might have some inside scoop on, and I feel blessed that I can share and contribute.

Most of all, I just like to know how everyone here is doing.....

So come all you Lurkers, from out of the shadows. Introduce yourself, pull up a stool, and become one of the family.



Tim
 
Boomer52 said:
ashauler said:
Well, I've lurked my ass off here, it took me over a year after joining to post an intro. I post mainly at another board that happens to have quite a few members that are members here as well, but it has fewer regular posters and less going on.....not a bad thing for me, just different. I see alot of you at some boards I frequent as a lurker.

This is a large board, lots of information, lots of "happenings", large numbers of extremely knowledgeable and generous BOTL's, and many with long histories here and obvious personal friendships. This, in and of itself, can be intimidating........like filling up the Saturday foursome when Elmer gets sick. I find that, in my noobiness, I rarely have anything "new" to say as regards cigar content........and yeah, in this rather sophisticated (not meant negatively) environment I hesitate to offer reviews, etc.....(again, not meant negatively). I've not joined a pass or completed the newb sampler trade here, and I don't think my post count qualifies as active member so B/S/T forum is a no go as well. I have no issue with that and respect the rules here.

Would I PM any member and ask for a source.......no. Would I maybe PM and ask for advice on something specific other than a source......yep.......maybe introduce myself and see if a trade can be worked out....yep. I don't see anything wrong with that. If the member chose not to trade with me, or objected to my PM they could ignore it or reply to that affect......no harm, no foul.

I have never in my time here witnessed an unjustified attack on a newby.........correction and/or clarification to the degree dictated by the newb's attitude....you betcha', as it should be.

Can't believe I posted twice in one day.
Click to expand...


I agree with Ashauler.

There are also other reasons one might lurk. In many cases a newbie is new to cigars as well as the board or boards in general. Their collections may be very limited and contain mostly everyday cigars. I know mine does. Most trades and passes on this board are for the higher end sticks and this removes newbies from participation. It is just recently (that I have seen) passes specifically for newbies have been initiated. This is a great intro to passes for us.

This is a hobby and, as such, every person sets his/her own budget. After I am in it for a few years I am sure I, and other newbies, will have a nice selection of higher end sticks in their collections and be able to participate in more passes, trades, etc. However, that takes time. (Please don’t read into this that I am short on funds or pleading poverty. Other things like my wife and children, the roof over our heads, and putting in a pool for the kids take priority.)

Another reason someone might lurk is that unlike many of you, they may not be a Type A personality. (Not meant as an insult to anyone.) While I, and possibly other, don’t post more is that it is just our personality not to be very vocal. This has nothing to do with ones self-esteem, fear of someone flaming us, or some deep, hidden insecurity. It is simply a personality trait. It does make it hard to become known on the board, but is that such a big problem? I think not. Again, time will take care of it.

I, and many other new people, have learned much about this hobby of ours from this forum and I thank Rod for hosting it. However, the level at which each person participates is influenced by many factors in our individual lives. Does this make lurkers bad people? I think not. It just takes longer to get to know them and find their true character. Who knows? They might become your next good friend.

Just my two cents.
Click to expand...

I agree with the above. I am a woman and new and sometimes I feel a little out of place here. From my stand point why can't we all get along. We are all human and make mistakes. Just let the person know the correct way of doing a post or where to post. We should have some type of banter thread just so people can just BS with other people.

My two cents
 
Let me clarify my statement. I did not say that all newbies who don't post have low self-esteem... My comment was directed towards the "lurker". The "lurker" stated that he won't post here because he thinks the older members come down too hard on newer members for no reason, therefore, he has decided to read and not post. Which is fine to read and not post, however when you make a comment like that, stating that he feels intimated by the "fogs", that just doesn't make sense. That is what I consider low self-esteem. Nothing wrong w/ being quiet, ie: posting only a couple times per month. However, to never say a word publicly for fear that you'll get hazed is out of line - that does not happen here. Assuming you respect others, you'll have no problem.
 
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