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Photoshop Contest!

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BUAHAHHAHAHA

Nothing will beat this in my book...congrats...
 
jim, you should know better not ro post pics of yourself on the net.

as if I DIDN"T know this was gonna happen? :laugh: What the hell... there's enough out there of me, I'm suprised no one has done this sooner. Plus all the photos in the gallery here on 'The Pass' people are posting... it takes just a short cruise thru there to really find some good ones to chop up! :whistling:

but just to show I'm a good sport...

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Delusions of grandeur Swissy?
Naw... just one of my favorite movies, Patton.
 
NOT SAFE TO READ UNLESS YOU ARE IN A SAFE PLACE>>>WARNING>>>>NOT SAFE FOR ANYWHERE!


As many times as I have posted a picture of "Photochopped Swissy".....well it just doesn't seem just to leave out the tutorial I found that he wrote on excersizing your tongue. Weird huh? I thought so too... but as you will soon read, it has the spirit of Swissy encoded throughout. It's even signed SWISSY.... so without a doubt it MUST be his work! This contest has, in my opinion become sort of a ROAST...and keeping that theme, I have posted his female pleaser excersize tutorial..

Exercise 1
Stick your tongue as far out of your mouth as possible, and then try to touch your nose. Eat a booger, if possible. Repeat in 3 sets of 10 reps or when boogers are clear. This exercise is fun, funny to watch, and nutritious. It also makes a great decongestant.

Exercise 2
With a loose jaw, point your tongue while simultaneously trying to keep your tongue in constant contact with the top and bottom of your mouth. You'll quickly learn that this is impossible. A Zen-like exercise designed to equip you mentally for failing again and again to satisfy your lover.

Exercise 3
Keep your tongue relaxed and open your mouth. Move your tongue in and out of your mouth, forward, and in both directions, while licking hair from her hair brush. Try to focus while clearing the hairs. Practice in five sets of twenty and build up to adding aromas and darkness to the exercise.

Get Licking!

Now that your tongue is in shape it's time to start licking. Lick everything you can get your tongue on and are legally allowed to touch. Be sure to invest in a big hunk of filleted salmon. I know what your saying, "Salmon is like $12 a pound, can't I use a lollypop or a nice piece of dried cod?" When it comes to training for licking labia, you can't skimp! Save the dried cod for her post-menopausal years.

Not only does salmon have the right look and feel, after a couple of days it will smell right too. Before diving in, check your salmon for errant bones and remove any you find with a plier. Important Note: You don't have to perform this task with a real vagina.

Its time to put on some romantic music, pour some wine, grab that hunk of salmon and master the following techniques. But first, lets reaquaint ourselves with the female gentalia.

Lets talk technique. Emily Dickenson once wrote that "a good lover’s hands never stop moving." She meant moving on the woman's body, not on your own johnson or on the remote. Constant motion is important, and if you're prone to sea sickness, focus on the horizon (or her Caesarian scar).

The Lick
Leaving your tongue soft and jaw relaxed (this is important to avoid cramping), try licking her from vaginal entrance (that's the hole, the slit, the crease) up to her clit (that's the clit) and following the outer edges of her vagina (that's the lips or labia, not her hips or the edge of the bed) along both sides. Repeating this technique going up and down and vice versa can be a great opener. You might try "Hello" as an opener too, if she isn't already spread eagle on the bed.

Bad Ideas

The Fidel
Placing your chin in her bush and yelling, "Conyo! You dirty imperialist Americans are a demanding bunch!" is some funny shit. While most women admire a man with a sense of humor this is neither the time nor the place. Well, it is the place but it's not the time. Save this move for the post-coital wrap-up.

The Rabbi
Place that yarmukle you got at your accountant's wedding on her bush. Make an ambulance noise as you dive in, crying "I'll save you Rabbi Schwartz!"

Making Farting Noises
Every man gets the urge to stick your face right in there and go "PPPPPTTTTPPPPT!!!" I mean you just know its gonna sound great. Resist this urge. It's not going to help you attain your objective. Worse, she may think that she just farted in your face which will either embarass her or be her dream come true.



Bon Appétit!

There are few things more exciting to a woman than to know that her partner finds her delicious; meaning that you enjoy the taste, smell and feeling of her vaginal juices. Think of how you respond to a plate of ribs or a nice corned beef on rye. Feel free to say "What a value!," or "Pass the mustard!" or "A pickle would go great with this!" Consider a generous tip - don't just automatically leave 15%.

---Taken from the diary of Swissy..........
 
This thread is a kick in the ass! Thanks for the laughs, all! :thumbs:

The chick on the couch gets my vote!!! :laugh:
 
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ed: My first picture post. Not very good but used what was suggested above...Paint.net. Thanks for the info on the download. :thumbs:
 
:laugh:
Awesome job fellas!!!

Again... Let's get this sucker PINNED to the top!!! :thumbs:
 
Jim I am sorry about what has been done to your likeness.

Well not completely, but a little.

Got some good ones here, this is gonna be hard to choose. Maybe I will let Jim pick the winner.
 
I am having a hard time picking a winner for this one.

Swissy, you have any favorites?
 
Ok, I know the contest is over but I couldn't resist. This is my first attempt with photoshop.

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Personally, I find that one to be very disturbing. There's nothing funny about rape.
 
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