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Need help from all lawyers!
- Thread starter Sweetrice80
- Start date
BigJake6904
Fat Texan
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2007
- Messages
- 4,415
Agreed. Totally an outsiders perspective here, and I wish you all the best bro, but if this has happened twice now...
likescarsz28
This car has been replaced by a 6 cyl Impala.
- Joined
- May 18, 2006
- Messages
- 335
This is a horrible thing for both of you. If you are careful, you should come out on the other side unscathed. I am not talking about the money. I have had a number of long term relationships that ended badly. I didn't handle things well (at all) but still came out a much better and happier person.
She knows full well what she is doing, she just doesn't want to feel like the bad guy. That is fine.
As a Psychology Major, you have a significant amount of information, but don't over estimate it's value because you are way to close to the issues. Most assuredly you lack objectivity.
When you say that you suspect that there is something mentally wrong with her, you do realize to some extent, there something mentally wrong with all of us right? What is thought to be wrong with us depends on who is judging. Some of us are way more messed up than others. Some of us are better at hiding it.
I pray and wish you and your wife well. I hope whatever comes of this is in both of your best interest. If reconcilliation is best, maybe it is still a possibility.
She knows full well what she is doing, she just doesn't want to feel like the bad guy. That is fine.
As a Psychology Major, you have a significant amount of information, but don't over estimate it's value because you are way to close to the issues. Most assuredly you lack objectivity.
When you say that you suspect that there is something mentally wrong with her, you do realize to some extent, there something mentally wrong with all of us right? What is thought to be wrong with us depends on who is judging. Some of us are way more messed up than others. Some of us are better at hiding it.
I pray and wish you and your wife well. I hope whatever comes of this is in both of your best interest. If reconcilliation is best, maybe it is still a possibility.
Nihon_Ni
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- May 2, 2010
- Messages
- 1,313
First of all, I'm sorry to hear you two are in this situation.
Fortunately, I've never been through this process, so I'm not speaking from personal experience. However, of my friends who have gone through this the ones who seem to come out the best are the ones who try to bless their wives during the process instead of trying to stick it to her. Remember her as the woman who walked down the aisle to you, not the one who walked out the door from you and let that be your guide.
Bless her with your best and you'll have no regrets.
Fortunately, I've never been through this process, so I'm not speaking from personal experience. However, of my friends who have gone through this the ones who seem to come out the best are the ones who try to bless their wives during the process instead of trying to stick it to her. Remember her as the woman who walked down the aisle to you, not the one who walked out the door from you and let that be your guide.
Bless her with your best and you'll have no regrets.
Sweetrice80
Deaf Mofo
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2008
- Messages
- 1,475
Dude, Man this made my day, night and week. I have been thinking this way all along, and people have been telling me that I shouldn't. But you know what I am the better person, and I love her dearly and I am not going to do anything to hurt her. "forgiveness is giving up the right to hurt you as you hurt me" and I am taking that to heart. But I am still watching my back.
emoshun
SoCal Herfin'
- Joined
- Dec 18, 2009
- Messages
- 2,585
Excellent advise as of late, keep the word close to your heart and do nothing out of anger, you will be in a better place because of it.
As long as you've done everything in your power to be a Godly man, you will have no regrets man.
Best of luck to you and you and your wife will be in my family's prayers!
-Jimmy
As long as you've done everything in your power to be a Godly man, you will have no regrets man.
Best of luck to you and you and your wife will be in my family's prayers!
-Jimmy
Sweetrice80
Deaf Mofo
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2008
- Messages
- 1,475
Thanks for the advice guys.
Well New development as of the late. She has told me that she is set on her decision, I asked her why. She told me for a year now (I didnt know this, until like 4 months ago), she had a hard time picturing me as her true love, and that she does not see me as the person who holds her hand on the day she dies. She says after a week that she is happier now, can laugh more and don't have to worry about anyone but herself. So I am going to pretty much go through the motions of healing myself, I do not deserve that from someone that is suppose to "love" me. I am without flaws, we all have our flaws but seems as she have given up and wants to go forth with everything. However, I have to wait a good year until a divorce is finalized (State of Maryland Law).
Thanks for the support all,
David
Well New development as of the late. She has told me that she is set on her decision, I asked her why. She told me for a year now (I didnt know this, until like 4 months ago), she had a hard time picturing me as her true love, and that she does not see me as the person who holds her hand on the day she dies. She says after a week that she is happier now, can laugh more and don't have to worry about anyone but herself. So I am going to pretty much go through the motions of healing myself, I do not deserve that from someone that is suppose to "love" me. I am without flaws, we all have our flaws but seems as she have given up and wants to go forth with everything. However, I have to wait a good year until a divorce is finalized (State of Maryland Law).
Thanks for the support all,
David
rbbrock
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2007
- Messages
- 1,221
I'm very sorry to hear this, David. It's a tough thing, no question.
At the risk of appearing insensitive, I have to get in a little more lawyering. After taking a (very cursory) look through MD divorce law, when the twelve months is up don't let her claim voluntary separation. You didn't want to give up on your marriage, but she left anyway. That's desertion under divorce law.
Sweetrice80
Deaf Mofo
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2008
- Messages
- 1,475
Yeah, currently I have looked into deversion. She claims that I can't, if it gets down to that them I will. But who the hell knows with time I will realize she wasn't for me too. But right now its just hard to think that way. I got to get my head clear and see how things go for me. Because I don't deserve this not one bit.
She got upset with me when I brought some of her things to her new place unannounced and she wasn't prepared. I was like ummm didn'td you leave me announced when I wasn't prepared?
David
She got upset with me when I brought some of her things to her new place unannounced and she wasn't prepared. I was like ummm didn'td you leave me announced when I wasn't prepared?
David
souldog
OG Post-Whorer since 2008 bitches...
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2008
- Messages
- 6,211
Just saw this, sorry to hear. How was your christmas? Hopefully you surrounded yourself with family and good loyal friends.
As a recently divorced fellow, I'm going to give you some things to think about that I carried with me into my recent divorce that helped a lot:
-When the marriage vs. divorce talk passes a certain point, and it sounds like yours has, wise up and realize what is happening. Don't get caught up in holding hope into something that won't come to be. She, you, or both of you will get emotional, and in that irrational state, nullify and forget certain things that were said and want that previous state of relationship you've both come to be familiar with. You're gonna want to call her, you're gonna want that security blanket. Don't do it, don't make a fool of yourself, and don't throw your pearls before swine. It's not a matter of pride, it's a matter of being smart. Don't play with her heart just because you need that familiarity, and don't let yourself get used to false hope for an evening simply because she's having a hard time adjusting to life alone.
-Don't get caught up in condemnation. You're gonna lose friends, it's the way it goes. People you thought were loyal to you will show their true colors and condemn you. Dont dwell on it for long, because in the end they weren't your true friends anyways. Conversely, you're going to hear a lot of people tell you a lot of things about her that nobody told you while you were together out of respect for you. Consider your source when this turns up, and be thankful for any helpful insight you receive.
-Don't involve everyone in every aspect of your messy divorce. Keep your discussions regarding hard issues with a select group of close confidants, because you don't want to get caught up in spreading information about your significant other to the whole community. She doesn't deserve it, and you are better than that. She may have already stooped to that, but it doesn't mean you need to. With this in mind, consider "character assessments" in court when child support or spousal support comes into play. Nobody ever won a popularity contest with a judge because they went around spreading gossip and painful rumors.
-Don't lose yourself. Take this time to get reacquainted with who you are. Your life has changed dramatically, use this time to reasses your goals and life path. You're now thinking for one, not for two anymore. Follow up on anything you felt you missed the boat on, or sacrificed for your significant other during your marriage.
-Take time to mourn your dead relationship, but do not let it dictate your upcoming relationship. It's easy to get caught up in the hurt your ex caused, but don't assimilate that with your next girlfriend. It isn't worth the time and energy, and it only prolongs the healing process.
-Don't meet with her alone, and record your conversations. Don't unnecessarily contact her in an uncontrolled environment, and utilize a trusted reliable third party as a witness. I'm not telling you to be paranoid, but "his vs. her word" conversations hold no water in court. Keep that in mind.
All in all, best of luck. Start getting whatever paperwork filled out now while you're still in survival mode, it will take a LONG time to go through the civil court systems. Best of luck David.
As a recently divorced fellow, I'm going to give you some things to think about that I carried with me into my recent divorce that helped a lot:
-When the marriage vs. divorce talk passes a certain point, and it sounds like yours has, wise up and realize what is happening. Don't get caught up in holding hope into something that won't come to be. She, you, or both of you will get emotional, and in that irrational state, nullify and forget certain things that were said and want that previous state of relationship you've both come to be familiar with. You're gonna want to call her, you're gonna want that security blanket. Don't do it, don't make a fool of yourself, and don't throw your pearls before swine. It's not a matter of pride, it's a matter of being smart. Don't play with her heart just because you need that familiarity, and don't let yourself get used to false hope for an evening simply because she's having a hard time adjusting to life alone.
-Don't get caught up in condemnation. You're gonna lose friends, it's the way it goes. People you thought were loyal to you will show their true colors and condemn you. Dont dwell on it for long, because in the end they weren't your true friends anyways. Conversely, you're going to hear a lot of people tell you a lot of things about her that nobody told you while you were together out of respect for you. Consider your source when this turns up, and be thankful for any helpful insight you receive.
-Don't involve everyone in every aspect of your messy divorce. Keep your discussions regarding hard issues with a select group of close confidants, because you don't want to get caught up in spreading information about your significant other to the whole community. She doesn't deserve it, and you are better than that. She may have already stooped to that, but it doesn't mean you need to. With this in mind, consider "character assessments" in court when child support or spousal support comes into play. Nobody ever won a popularity contest with a judge because they went around spreading gossip and painful rumors.
-Don't lose yourself. Take this time to get reacquainted with who you are. Your life has changed dramatically, use this time to reasses your goals and life path. You're now thinking for one, not for two anymore. Follow up on anything you felt you missed the boat on, or sacrificed for your significant other during your marriage.
-Take time to mourn your dead relationship, but do not let it dictate your upcoming relationship. It's easy to get caught up in the hurt your ex caused, but don't assimilate that with your next girlfriend. It isn't worth the time and energy, and it only prolongs the healing process.
-Don't meet with her alone, and record your conversations. Don't unnecessarily contact her in an uncontrolled environment, and utilize a trusted reliable third party as a witness. I'm not telling you to be paranoid, but "his vs. her word" conversations hold no water in court. Keep that in mind.
All in all, best of luck. Start getting whatever paperwork filled out now while you're still in survival mode, it will take a LONG time to go through the civil court systems. Best of luck David.