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I'm A Parent Contest

I don’t have crazy stories to share. I’ve been very lucky to not have mishaps. One of the funniest things was recently. While at the vet with the new pup, my daughter proudly exclaims to the vet and tech. “He’s our puppy, he’s a boy and that’s his pee pee.”as she points to his wang.
 
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So my wife has inadvertently taught our daughter how to start the cars. So it has now become part of the routine where she starts the car then climbs back into her car seat to be buckled in.

Last week our daughter takes my keys while I’m putting her in the car and climbs up to the front seat to start it. I go to open the door and she puts her hands up saying stop and says “ No, you get in the back, I’m driving!” Then proceeds to start he car and turn the steering wheel like she’s driving.

I can already see what 16 is going to be like.....
 
We were walking downtown when it’s pretty busy last week. Josh, as always :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes: , proceeds to slap my ass. My daughter (3), thinking it’s funny, starts to slap my ass too. She’s smacking the left and he’s smacking the right, all while I’m walking down the sidewalk. This guy in front and lady behind are just smirking to themselves. I think this happens a lot, actually. :rolleyes:
 
:p:p:p:p:p

My daughter and I also have simultaneous ass slapping fun with mom! Bwahahahaha!


M
Succubus said:
We were walking downtown when it’s pretty busy last week. Josh, as always :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes: , proceeds to slap my ass. My daughter (3), thinking it’s funny, starts to slap my ass too. She’s smacking the left and he’s smacking the right, all while I’m walking down the sidewalk. This guy in front and lady behind are just smirking to themselves. I think this happens a lot, actually. :rolleyes:
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ironpeddler said:
Just one of many...but this was the first & worst.

So I'm a new, first time parent, and it was a boy. MY SON! Warms the heart as an Italian male. The first time I changed his diaper was in his room, the Super Nursery we all set up for the first born. I lay him on the 'changing table', unpin his cloth diaper (had a diaper service in those days), pulled it back, turned my head to get a cloth to wipe him with, and the little bastid peed like Old Faithful right into my mouth as I'm speaking Daddy talk.

Never told him this story and he's 30yo.
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I saw a product at a maternity store when I was pregnant called the “peepee teepee” lol it was basically a cone that you put on top so if he pees, it doesn’t go up.
 
Succubus said:
I saw a product at a maternity store when I was pregnant called the “peepee teepee” lol it was basically a cone that you put on top so if he pees, it doesn’t go up.
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Couldn't that just be a coffee filter?
 
Hahaha... so glad I have girls.

On the "car thing", I once locked my daughter in our Jeep, buckled into her car seat when we lived in Germany. It was early and very wintery out. I guess I put the keys on the front seat and accidentally leaned on the "lock" button as I was contorting to get her into her seat in the back of our lifted Jeep. I closed the door, walked to the other side... and, "Fuck. Me.". I had my crappy Vodafon on me and was able to get a hold of my wife to come home and open up the car, and luckily my daughter was not upset as she was bundled up tight and we kept each other entertained drawing faces in the frost on the window. Probably the crappiest I had/have felt as a parenting fail in a while.
 
kann said:
Hahaha... so glad I have girls.

On the "car thing", I once locked my daughter in our Jeep, buckled into her car seat when we lived in Germany. It was early and very wintery out. I guess I put the keys on the front seat and accidentally leaned on the "lock" button as I was contorting to get her into her seat in the back of our lifted Jeep. I closed the door, walked to the other side... and, "Fuck. Me.". I had my crappy Vodafon on me and was able to get a hold of my wife to come home and open up the car, and luckily my daughter was not upset as she was bundled up tight and we kept each other entertained drawing faces in the frost on the window. Probably the crappiest I had/have felt as a parenting fail in a while.
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Well thankfully it wasn’t a hot day. But then again if it was, I’m sure you would have broken the window in like any parent would (I hope).
 
kann said:
Hahaha... so glad I have girls.

On the "car thing", I once locked my daughter in our Jeep, buckled into her car seat when we lived in Germany. It was early and very wintery out. I guess I put the keys on the front seat and accidentally leaned on the "lock" button as I was contorting to get her into her seat in the back of our lifted Jeep. I closed the door, walked to the other side... and, "Fuck. Me.". I had my crappy Vodafon on me and was able to get a hold of my wife to come home and open up the car, and luckily my daughter was not upset as she was bundled up tight and we kept each other entertained drawing faces in the frost on the window. Probably the crappiest I had/have felt as a parenting fail in a while.
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I assume a hard top?
 
As a AAA tow driver, we got calls every couple of weeks for a kid locked in the car. It was most prominent on newer cars with auto locks.
 
bfreebern said:
I assume a hard top?
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Yes, hard top. And, yes, breaking a window did cross my mind. We were still pretty new there, and I honestly still have no idea how even getting someone there to unlock the vehicle would have worked. I'm sure it could have been done, but if my little pay-as-you-go cell wouldn't have worked in our little village (as it often did not), I would have been hosed because the insurance information was either in the car or in the house... which were both locked.
 
kann said:
Yes, hard top. And, yes, breaking a window did cross my mind. We were still pretty new there, and I honestly still have no idea how even getting someone there to unlock the vehicle would have worked. I'm sure it could have been done, but if my little pay-as-you-go cell wouldn't have worked in our little village (as it often did not), I would have been hosed because the insurance information was either in the car or in the house... which were both locked.
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That makes sense. I was hoping it wasn't a soft top, where a zipper could have solved the problem :)
 
Bout time I finish this up. ;)

Thank you all for sharing your stories. I truly enjoyed each and every one! Let me tell you, there's a lot of great memories in here that give me a lot of hope as I continue on this parenting journey! :)

But two stories made me physically laugh out loud. Congrats to @Tall Paul and @Napa_Smokes for the hilarious parenting hijinks. I'm sure I have both of your addresses but PM me them anyways just so I don't pull the wrong old addy.
 
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