I have been asked to give up cigars

[Gonz]

My wife and i still have a few issues to work through, and with 3 kids, divorce isn't an option, so we're going back to a counselor that really helped us 2 years ago. Well, my wife and i both stopped alcohol consumption, of which the counselor agreed with wholeheartedly, and i have no issues with that, i have trouble with moderation of alcohol, so why fight it anymore, too much to risk.

She then proceeds to tell me i need to give up cigars. I flat out said no. Going out on the deck every night for an hour or so when i could be involved with the family is one thing, but smoking one or two a week to unwind and relax is something i don't see a problem with, and will continue to do so, if i can keep it at one or two a week.

I really respect the Counselor, alot, and i have no issues with working to improve the issues i have that affects our marriage, but giving up cigars is one non-negotiable item that they will both have to get over. Now, if i can keep it in moderation, then i will continue, but if i head to the deck most every night instead of spending time with the family, then it may be time to throw all my Opus and other HTF Fuente products away :laugh:

Ever had this situation?

This seems darn close to an ultimatum. Reading comprehension isn't the issue here, it's your writing style and mis-use of pronouns. In your second paragraph, you should have said "The counselor", not "She" tells you to give up cigars.

So if your wife can't get over you enjoying a cigar or two each week then what's the other option?

And if you scroll through the thread I think you'll find a couple instances where I was quoted in saying that the issue isn't about cigars, and folks agreed with me.

 

[BobbyRitz]

Frank, good luck as you work through your issues. I'm sure there will be greener pastures ahead.

 

[hudsonvalley]

"She then" implies a continuation of the previous person's, the counselors, train of thought. It is your reading comprehension, not his writing style. It's all right to misread, just don't blame someone else for it. And your giving unwarrented advice and chiding for even using the forum when he could be spending time with his children. Classless.

 

[AVB]

This thread has now officially become worthless. Move along, nothing to see here.

 

[Gator]

Yep, but one last comment :laugh:

Like i said, i've opened myself up for criticism as i've posted some personal 'demons' then later regressed. If someone feels the need to criticize me about that, that's not a big deal.

Gonz dislikes me, and i've given him good reason to as in a thread awhile back, things got personal between us and i told him to stfu and put his apron on, or something to that effect, making fun of his being a stay at home dad. That was classless on my part, and i publicly apologized, and tried to personally, but he had me blocked. Now Gonz likes to take little digs at me when opportunity arises, and it's no big deal, if that makes him happy, then so be it.

Funny thing about these message boards, if i met Gonz at a herf, i'm sure we would get along fine and enjoy a smoke togather, at least that's my perspective.

 

[BobbyRitz]

Sometimes the high road is the least traveled...

 

[BlindedByScience]

Sometimes the high road is the least traveled...

Agreed.

Gator, I'm sorry that things are tough for you, but when you post in a public forum you are going to get what you get. I've bitten my tongue so far but this has really gone on too long. Look, I'm all for helping a brother out but this has degenerated into a huge pissing match and no one is looking good here. Quit blaming each other and let this drop.

You guys should all get a cup of coffee and enjoy a nice smoke on the deck and move on. Really.

B.B.S.

 

[lordlister]

Sometimes the high road is the least traveled...

Agreed.

Gator, I'm sorry that things are tough for you, but when you post in a public forum you are going to get what you get. I've bitten my tongue so far but this has really gone on too long. Look, I'm all for helping a brother out but this has degenerated into a huge pissing match and no one is looking good here. Quit blaming each other and let this drop.

You guys should all get a cup of coffee and enjoy a nice smoke on the deck and move on. Really.

B.B.S.

X2

 

[Gator]

Sometimes the high road is the least traveled...

Agreed.

Gator, I'm sorry that things are tough for you, but when you post in a public forum you are going to get what you get. I've bitten my tongue so far but this has really gone on too long. Look, I'm all for helping a brother out but this has degenerated into a huge pissing match and no one is looking good here. Quit blaming each other and let this drop.

You guys should all get a cup of coffee and enjoy a nice smoke on the deck and move on. Really.

B.B.S.

Yeah, it has, and i have no problems with what was said w/ the exception of what i considered a personal 'dig'. I need to get better at ignoring them, thats for sure, the high road sometimes isn't easy to get to...

 

[NullSmurf]

What changes is she making to improve the relationship? Seems to me two cigars a week would be way down on the list of "Things WE need to do to improve OUR marriage.

Doc.

Old guys rrequently make such good sense!

Along Doc's lines, if cigars become the back breaker, then you might have more baggage than a councelor can help you with.

 

[Gonz]

Yep, but one last comment :laugh:

Like i said, i've opened myself up for criticism as i've posted some personal 'demons' then later regressed. If someone feels the need to criticize me about that, that's not a big deal.

Gonz dislikes me, and i've given him good reason to as in a thread awhile back, things got personal between us and i told him to stfu and put his apron on, or something to that effect, making fun of his being a stay at home dad. That was classless on my part, and i publicly apologized, and tried to personally, but he had me blocked. Now Gonz likes to take little digs at me when opportunity arises, and it's no big deal, if that makes him happy, then so be it.

Funny thing about these message boards, if i met Gonz at a herf, i'm sure we would get along fine and enjoy a smoke togather, at least that's my perspective.

Here comes one of those apologies with a caveat. Gator is right, he and and went at it a long time ago and I still somewhat hold a grudge for his actions in the matter. I also have issue with his statements where he says he's giving something up, then within a few weeks he's posting about some excess he's purchased in that same thing he was supposed to give up. For example just after this whole mess started, he's posted a thread about how he's going to dropping big $$ on the new Opus 22 set. But that's just his personality and his life and I have to get over it and move on. No need for me to comment. As far as the bold print above, I've never taken digs at him since the original ruckus last year, but if you have examples please post links since I don't recall them.

Gator, I apologize for commenting on this thread and the way my words were more hurtful than helpful.

Here's my caveat: Besides the fact that my post was poorly worded to be an attack, there is some advice in there that properly posted should be considered. Your wife doesn't sound like she has an issue with you smoking cigars. So what I wonder is if she has an issue with you so quickly getting obsessed with your new hobby, which includes countless hours on the internet posting here and searching out your collection of hard to find cigars. Certainly any time you've spent here could possibly be considered by her to have been time you could be spending together instead. Maybe that's not the case, but I'm trying to offer it up as a potential rift. My wife does not have an issue with me smoking cigars. In fact she encourages it by asking if I'm bringing a cigar along when we go out, or by suggesting that perhaps I go outside and relax with a cigar. However she is way too busy to spend time on chat rooms and discussion forums, so she does have an issue with me being on the computer while she's around, partly because we could be enjoying each others' company and partly because she doesn't comprehend the friendships that are possible via a keyboard. A few years ago she finally cracked and we had a late night discussion (if you can call it that) about the matter where she said she didn't like me spending so much time on the internet and I agreed to not do so while she's around or if I have other priorities that need to get done.

So there it is. We don't like each other, but that's no reason to cause trouble on the board so I'll just move along when I have issues with him.

 

[hudsonvalley]

This should get pinned as a classic "you're an asshole, too" apology. Why anyone cares what you think Gator should do with his life is beyond me. And way to go muddying the waters with your own wife's issues. My midgets call that projection. Again, both classic and classless. Any apology longer than one sentence is not really an apology, it is a justification for being an ass.

 

[BobbyRitz]

Frank, I'm sure one of the John Deere tractors you have could assist you in reaching the high road. It's always easier to travel there and the scenery is always better.

Rob

 

[Gator]

Frank, I'm sure one of the John Deere tractors you have could assist you in reaching the high road. It's always easier to travel there and the scenery is always better.

Rob

I'll be on that bad boy tomorrow, jamming via ipod and the ac on wide open, it'll be well over 100. That's about all i got to say about that <in my best Forrest Gump voice>

 

[jfields]

Frank, I'm sure one of the John Deere tractors you have could assist you in reaching the high road. It's always easier to travel there and the scenery is always better.

Rob

I'll be on that bad boy tomorrow, jamming via ipod and the ac on wide open, it'll be well over 100. That's about all i got to say about that <in my best Forrest Gump voice>

Good for you! Let sleeping dogs lie.

 

[ggiese]

I love this forum, but man... Its starting to get to me with all this negative bitching and moaning that has been going on as of late...

Gator came to us as a brother with something that was troubling him... Wether or not he was looking for advice, or just merely looking for an ear to vent to, the ppl on this forum should be considerate and appreciate his situation... All this asshattery as of late has really been tiresome...

I know I'm a newb and might not have earned my place on this soapbox yet but at this point I really don't care... I have nothing but love and respect for my brothers here on C.P., but I feel kind of ashamed of what this forum has portrayed itself as lately...

Oh, boy... Humboldt's pissed!!! Knock if off you guys... :angry:

Damn - if y'all CAN'T get along, go to Club Stogie of CigarLive - they'll MAKE you get along...

 

[tone-ny]

I love this forum, but man... Its starting to get to me with all this negative bitching and moaning that has been going on as of late...

Gator came to us as a brother with something that was troubling him... Wether or not he was looking for advice, or just merely looking for an ear to vent to, the ppl on this forum should be considerate and appreciate his situation... All this asshattery as of late has really been tiresome...

I know I'm a newb and might not have earned my place on this soapbox yet but at this point I really don't care... I have nothing but love and respect for my brothers here on C.P., but I feel kind of ashamed of what this forum has portrayed itself as lately...

Oh, boy... Humboldt's pissed!!! Knock if off you guys... :angry:

Damn - if y'all CAN'T get along, go to Club Stogie of CigarLive - they'll MAKE you get along...

Gramps were you been hiding?

 

[Rod]

I love this forum, but man... Its starting to get to me with all this negative bitching and moaning that has been going on as of late...

Gator came to us as a brother with something that was troubling him... Wether or not he was looking for advice, or just merely looking for an ear to vent to, the ppl on this forum should be considerate and appreciate his situation... All this asshattery as of late has really been tiresome...

I know I'm a newb and might not have earned my place on this soapbox yet but at this point I really don't care... I have nothing but love and respect for my brothers here on C.P., but I feel kind of ashamed of what this forum has portrayed itself as lately...

Oh, boy... Humboldt's pissed!!! Knock if off you guys... :angry:

Damn - if y'all CAN'T get along, go to Club Stogie of CigarLive - they'll MAKE you get along...

They'll (CL) will also steal your ideas, work, copyrighted material, etc! CP is an unmoderated board. While I don't want to see bickering, some things need to be resolved out in the open and be dealt with. Other forums (ie: CL), will delete content, ban you for disagreeing with a moderator, and put up a whole facade of how they wish their community was. Every board has problems, we just don't hide ours. Look around the community here, how much BS do you really see? Keep in mind, we don't moderate or delete content. We treat everyone like adults. Pretty damn good for not censoring your posts.

I love it when someone says CP is full of asshats and fighting. Don't like it here, go to a forum like CL where you're CONTROLLED by what you can post. That, in my opinion, is total bullshit. How can you have a community when you have a dictator? How ironic...

 

[SweetMelissa]

Bravo Dear ...noone needed to say it better than you..

Melly

 

[Shooter]

I love this forum, but man... Its starting to get to me with all this negative bitching and moaning that has been going on as of late...

Gator came to us as a brother with something that was troubling him... Wether or not he was looking for advice, or just merely looking for an ear to vent to, the people on this forum should be considerate and appreciate his situation... All this asshattery as of late has really been tiresome...

I know I'm a newb and might not have earned my place on this soapbox yet but at this point I really don't care... I have nothing but love and respect for my brothers here on C.P., but I feel kind of ashamed of what this forum has portrayed itself as lately...

Oh, boy... Humboldt's pissed!!! Knock if off you guys... :angry:

Damn - if y'all CAN'T get along, go to Club Stogie of CigarLive - they'll MAKE you get along...

They'll (CL) will also steal your ideas, work, copyrighted material, etc! CP is an unmoderated board. While I don't want to see bickering, some things need to be resolved out in the open and be dealt with. Other forums (ie: CL), will delete content, ban you for disagreeing with a moderator, and put up a whole facade of how they wish their community was. Every board has problems, we just don't hide ours. Look around the community here, how much BS do you really see? Keep in mind, we don't moderate or delete content. We treat everyone like adults. Pretty damn good for not censoring your posts.

I love it when someone says CP is full of asshats and fighting. Don't like it here, go to a forum like CL where you're CONTROLLED by what you can post. That, in my opinion, is total bullshit. How can you have a community when you have a dictator? How ironic...

zsxaXZS


Yea no shit, you guys are all over guy cause he hangs his fuckin laundry out to dry with people he respects. Yea I understand the hard knocks but ease the fuck up. If I went to some local friends with a problem about cigars and a wife or family they would look at me like I was crazy, not many people understand our hobby except us at CP. Frank was looking for advice so give it. I think it is commendable for a guy to come forward here, throw some shit out for a response from people like him. I dont go to the drama club askin for help on a whiskey buy from people drinking cosmos. Frank came here asking for help on a problem relating to cigars. He might not get the downy fresh response he is looking for, but what can he expect, he gets a response from guys like him, good or bad. So hold back on the defense, you will get a no bullshit response here on CP, from guys who call it like they see it, to guys who have had the experience. That is what counts. No sides matter when it comes to a brother with a problem. Quit taking someones problems personal, everyone is trying to help, if you disagree pm the guy you think is an asshole, no need to bring conflicts out when someone is trying help a brother in need.

Its free advice, you don't like what someone says take it up with them privately. I sincerely think everyone here tries to help a brother from their best experience. I hope thats the case.


Cheers
Shane