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**** Edicion Limitada ****
- Thread starter 57Strat
- Start date
cohibasurfer
one day older than dirt
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2001
- Messages
- 7,635
Votre réputation sera sûre si vous me sélectionnez Peter ! 
HMMMMMM:
hmm.....a good lesson to learn
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried
piteously
for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered
up
anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed
a
shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.
At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.
Then,
to
everyone's amazement, he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well, and
was
astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back,
the
donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step
up.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal,
he
would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed
as
the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to
getting
out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our
troubles
is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not
stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
Enough of that. The donkey later came back and kicked the crap out of the
farmer that tried to bury him.
Moral: When you try to cover your ass, it always comes back to get you.
hmm.....a good lesson to learn
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried
piteously
for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered
up
anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed
a
shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.
At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.
Then,
to
everyone's amazement, he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well, and
was
astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back,
the
donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step
up.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal,
he
would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed
as
the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to
getting
out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our
troubles
is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not
stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
Enough of that. The donkey later came back and kicked the crap out of the
farmer that tried to bury him.
Moral: When you try to cover your ass, it always comes back to get you.
I can't get over it Bros... 2 more pages of laughs since yesterday! Here's today's contribution...
On their way to get married, a young couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.
St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer.....for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together FOREVER?"
Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You CAN get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering: what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"OH, COME ON!!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a priest
up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer.
Aloha,
Wade
On their way to get married, a young couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.
St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer.....for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together FOREVER?"
Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You CAN get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering: what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"OH, COME ON!!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a priest
up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer.
Aloha,
Wade
57Strat
...................
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,815
********** Contest Officially Closed **********
ROFLMAO
I want to thank everyone that took part in this contest!!! Excellent job! Now comes the fun part for the judge, figuring out which ones are going to win the first three prizes. But, no one goes away empty handed, as I will be sending out a Cohiba Siglo lll to all those who participated in this contest. Judge Pete, it is in your hands now...... 
ROFLMAO I want to thank everyone that took part in this contest!!! Excellent job! Now comes the fun part for the judge, figuring out which ones are going to win the first three prizes. But, no one goes away empty handed, as I will be sending out a Cohiba Siglo lll to all those who participated in this contest.
Judge Pete, it is in your hands now...... 
57Strat
...................
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,815
LOL@Matt.
While we wait........
****** Facts about Americans, from Harper's Index. ******
Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils.
21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.
Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly.
40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
67.5% of men wear tightie whities (briefs).
3 out of 4 of us store our dollar bills in rigid order with singles leading up to higher denominations.
13% of us admit to occasionally doing our offspring's homework.
91% of us lie regularly.
27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz.
29% admit they've intentionally stolen something from a store.
50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to avoid the high prices of snack foods.
90% believe in divine retribution.
10% believe in the 10 Commandments.
82% believe in an afterlife.
45% believe in ghosts.
13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail.
29% of us are virgins when we marry.
58.4% have called into work sick when we weren't.
10% of us switch tags in the store to pay less for an item.
Over 50% believe in spanking, but only a child over 2 years old.
35% give to charity at least once a month.
How far would you go for $10 million? 25% would abandon their friends, family, and church. 7% would murder.
69% eat the cake before the frosting.
When nobody else is around, 47% drink straight from the carton.
85% of us will eat Spam this year.
70% of us drink orange juice daily.
Snickers is the most popular candy.
22% of us skip lunch daily.
9% of us skip breakfast daily.
66% of us eat cereal regularly.
22% of all restaurant meals include French fries.
14% of us eat the watermelon seeds.
Only 13% brush our teeth from side to side.
45% use mouthwash every day.
22% leave the glob of toothpaste in the sink.
The typical shower is 101 degrees F.
Nearly 1/3 of US women color their hair.
9% of women and 8% of men have had cosmetic surgery.
53% of women will not leave the house without makeup on.
58% of women paint their nails regularly.
62% of us pop our zits.
33% of women lie about their weight.
10% of us claim to have seen a ghost.
57% have had déjà vu.
49% believe in ESP.
44% have broken a bone.
Only 30% of us know our cholesterol level.
14% have attended a self-help meeting.
15% regularly go to a shrink.
78% would rather die quickly than live in a retirement home.
46.5% of men say they ALWAYS put the seat down after they've used the toilet, yet women claim to ALWAYS find it up.
30% of us refuse to sit on a public toilet seat.
54.2% of us always wash our hands after using the toilet.
23.5% admit they don't always flush.
55.2% will let someone else come in the bathroom while they're using the toilet.
39% of us peek in our host's bathroom cabinet. 17% have been caught by the host.
81.3% would tell an acquaintance to zip his pants.
29% of us ignore RSVP.
71.6% of us eavesdrop.
22% are functionally illiterate.
The average bra size today is 36C whereas 10 years ago it was a 34B.
85% of women wear the wrong bra size.
Less than 10% are trilingual.
37% claim to know how to use all the features on their VCR.
53% prefer ATM machines over tellers.
56% of women do the bills in a marriage.
2 out of 3 of us wouldn't give up our spouse even for a night for a million bucks.
20% of us have played in a band at one time in our life.
40% of us have had music lessons.
44% reuse tinfoil.
57% save pretty gift paper to reuse.
66% of women and 59% of men have used a mix to cook and taken credit for doing it from scratch.
53% read their horoscopes regularly.
16% of us have forgotten our own wedding anniversary (mostly men).
59% of us say we're average-looking.
90% of us depend on alarm clocks to wake us.
53% of us would take advice from Ann Landers.
51% of adults dress up for a Halloween festivity.
On average, we send 38 Christmas cards every year.
20% of women consider their parents to be their best friends.
2 out of 5 have married their first love.
The biggest cause of matrimonial fighting is money.
Only 4% asked the parents' approval for their bride's hand.
1 in 5 men proposed on his knees.
6% proposed over the phone.
71% can drive a stick-shift car.
45% of us consistently follow the speed limit.
2/3 of us speed up at a yellow light.
1/3 of us don't wear seat belts.
12% of men never use their car blinkers.
56% of women never use their car blinkers.
44% of men tailgate to speed up the person in front of them.
4 out of 5 sing in the car.
While we wait........
****** Facts about Americans, from Harper's Index. ******
Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils.
21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.
Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly.
40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
67.5% of men wear tightie whities (briefs).
3 out of 4 of us store our dollar bills in rigid order with singles leading up to higher denominations.
13% of us admit to occasionally doing our offspring's homework.
91% of us lie regularly.
27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz.
29% admit they've intentionally stolen something from a store.
50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to avoid the high prices of snack foods.
90% believe in divine retribution.
10% believe in the 10 Commandments.
82% believe in an afterlife.
45% believe in ghosts.
13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail.
29% of us are virgins when we marry.
58.4% have called into work sick when we weren't.
10% of us switch tags in the store to pay less for an item.
Over 50% believe in spanking, but only a child over 2 years old.
35% give to charity at least once a month.
How far would you go for $10 million? 25% would abandon their friends, family, and church. 7% would murder.
69% eat the cake before the frosting.
When nobody else is around, 47% drink straight from the carton.
85% of us will eat Spam this year.
70% of us drink orange juice daily.
Snickers is the most popular candy.
22% of us skip lunch daily.
9% of us skip breakfast daily.
66% of us eat cereal regularly.
22% of all restaurant meals include French fries.
14% of us eat the watermelon seeds.
Only 13% brush our teeth from side to side.
45% use mouthwash every day.
22% leave the glob of toothpaste in the sink.
The typical shower is 101 degrees F.
Nearly 1/3 of US women color their hair.
9% of women and 8% of men have had cosmetic surgery.
53% of women will not leave the house without makeup on.
58% of women paint their nails regularly.
62% of us pop our zits.
33% of women lie about their weight.
10% of us claim to have seen a ghost.
57% have had déjà vu.
49% believe in ESP.
44% have broken a bone.
Only 30% of us know our cholesterol level.
14% have attended a self-help meeting.
15% regularly go to a shrink.
78% would rather die quickly than live in a retirement home.
46.5% of men say they ALWAYS put the seat down after they've used the toilet, yet women claim to ALWAYS find it up.
30% of us refuse to sit on a public toilet seat.
54.2% of us always wash our hands after using the toilet.
23.5% admit they don't always flush.
55.2% will let someone else come in the bathroom while they're using the toilet.
39% of us peek in our host's bathroom cabinet. 17% have been caught by the host.
81.3% would tell an acquaintance to zip his pants.
29% of us ignore RSVP.
71.6% of us eavesdrop.
22% are functionally illiterate.
The average bra size today is 36C whereas 10 years ago it was a 34B.
85% of women wear the wrong bra size.
Less than 10% are trilingual.
37% claim to know how to use all the features on their VCR.
53% prefer ATM machines over tellers.
56% of women do the bills in a marriage.
2 out of 3 of us wouldn't give up our spouse even for a night for a million bucks.
20% of us have played in a band at one time in our life.
40% of us have had music lessons.
44% reuse tinfoil.
57% save pretty gift paper to reuse.
66% of women and 59% of men have used a mix to cook and taken credit for doing it from scratch.
53% read their horoscopes regularly.
16% of us have forgotten our own wedding anniversary (mostly men).
59% of us say we're average-looking.
90% of us depend on alarm clocks to wake us.
53% of us would take advice from Ann Landers.
51% of adults dress up for a Halloween festivity.
On average, we send 38 Christmas cards every year.
20% of women consider their parents to be their best friends.
2 out of 5 have married their first love.
The biggest cause of matrimonial fighting is money.
Only 4% asked the parents' approval for their bride's hand.
1 in 5 men proposed on his knees.
6% proposed over the phone.
71% can drive a stick-shift car.
45% of us consistently follow the speed limit.
2/3 of us speed up at a yellow light.
1/3 of us don't wear seat belts.
12% of men never use their car blinkers.
56% of women never use their car blinkers.
44% of men tailgate to speed up the person in front of them.
4 out of 5 sing in the car.
I know the contest has closed, but I just now got this little pass-along and wanted to share it, you know, in the spirit of fun.....
Ten Ways To Tell If A Redneck Has Been Working On A Computer
10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM slots have Ford truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is "Bubba."
4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
3. There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
2. The keyboard is painted in camouflage.
AND the number 1 way to tell if a Redneck has been working
on a computer is...
1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter."
Ten Ways To Tell If A Redneck Has Been Working On A Computer
10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM slots have Ford truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is "Bubba."
4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
3. There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
2. The keyboard is painted in camouflage.
AND the number 1 way to tell if a Redneck has been working
on a computer is...
1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter."
57Strat
...................
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,815
PB, how do you know you won't win one of the prizes? And if you do, you won't be getting a Sig lll, as they are only for the people that didn't win one of the prizes.........LOL
I am in the dark as much as everyone else, and it is a little scary. :0
I am in the dark as much as everyone else, and it is a little scary. :0