WINNERS POSTED - CONTEST: "Women" Matt R would NO

[Allofus123]

Nineteen pound Nellie: After depriving herself of food and fluids for over 9 years, she is barely alive.

Reason Matt would not “hit it”;

1) So dried out, no amount of lubricant would ever help the situation.
2) Everything is so shriveled up, there is no way she could ever accommodate Matt’s enormity.

Yall just don't believe. :laugh:

Matt would nail this just for the humanity sake of being able to provide her with much needed nutrition.... he'd definently supplement her fuids! :thumbs:

 

[jlada]

Name: She can't pronounce it, who cares.

Reasons:
1) She bites during sex.
2) Instead of moaning, it appears as though she's trying to lick her own ear and touch her right elbow with her right hand.

Name: Ima Stumpy

Reasons:

1) You'd have to clean her off after you blew on her.
2) If you got her pregnant she would roll far too easily.

Edit because I forgot the "/" on the IMG tag on the second image.

 

[bfreebern]

Some of you guys are f'ing sick.

 

[AVB]

You guys are all wrong. Matt not only would hit it but did already.

This is the result.

 

[Madmidget]

Brace yourself, because I'm just wrapping up the finishing touches on my next "Shock & Awe" campaign. After I drop my daughter off at her dance class, I'll launch the first sabot...

 

[mmburtch]

Name, Joanie
age 28
why MattR wouldn't hit it... The chin whiskers would chafe his freshly shorn ball sack

 

[Mr_Wolf]

Name, Joanie
age 28
why MattR wouldn't hit it... The chin whiskers would chafe his freshly shorn ball sack

LMAO!

I find it odd that "Joanie" looks better than Brittney right now.........and would that make Matt the new "Chachi"?
(for anyone under 25, Google "Joanie loves Chachi")

 

[Madmidget]

Tonight's first lovely lady is Madge

He wouldn't hit it because:

1. Her "Bingo Wings" would get in his way. (Bingo Wings= Flabby Grandma Arms)

2. He couldn't find room on her bed because of all the cats and dolls.

3. He doesn't like the taste of snuff.

4. The fact that they have the same haircut freaks him out.

5. The "Big Squirmy" she is hiding behind her back will scare him off.

 

[Madmidget]

Contestant number 2 is Pat

1. The Extreme Edge Mullet strikes again.

2. A 5o'clock shadow more impressive than his own will deter him.

3. The mothball perfume would be too much for him.

4. And what about that chin? I mean the LARGE second one!


Contestant 3 is Billie

1. The fact that she looks more manly than him will play a big role.

2. She would take over his wardrobe if given the chance.

3. Than just looks like a necklace. It is actually a ring of neck cheese.

4. Someone slapped her on the back, so her face is stuck like that forever.



Contestant number 4 is Helga

1. The Manhands would intimidate him.

2. She could most definitely kick his ass.

3. Her hair is so stiff that she can't get the phone to her ear. How is he going to whisper sweet-nothings to her?

Contestant number 5 is E. Terrestrial

1. The face only a mother could love. Ugly as a mud fence.

2. The gecko eyes would piss him off because he would think she is checking out someone on either side of him.

3. Because hitting this one borders on bestiality. She is a slight DNA shift away from a ferret.

4. He would have to feed her with a slingshot. (See reason 5)

5. She can eat corn on the cob through a picket fence.

6. He would have to put a porkchop necklace on her so the dog would get near her.

 

[Madmidget]

For these next 2 I am posting a disclaimer and will post links because these are........ are......... bad.

DISCLAIMER: IF YOU ARE FAINT OF HEART, WEAK STOMACHED, EASILY DISTURBED, OR IN ANYWAY NORMAL THESE NEXT 2 PICS WILL BE BURNED INTO YOUR BRAIN NEVER TO BE REMOVED. PLEASE BE WARNED!!! LINKS ARE NSFW!!!

Contestant 6 is Sally

LINK

1. Gravity has been cruel to Sally. The phrase: "Golfballs in a sock" apply.

2. She is a Proctologists Assistant and insists on checking out his prostate hourly.

3. She tends to burn lots of things with her cigarettes.

4. Even all that water can't was away that smell!


And last but certainly not least, we have Mattie Brown

LINK (THINK ABOUT IT BEFORE YOU CLICK HERE!!!)

I warned you!

1. She wont take off that damn mask.

2. The "Fountain" scares him.

3. She smells funny.

4. The peanuts in her hair have a funny texture.

5. MAN, does her breath stink!

6. Her incontinence would be the deal breaker for him.

7. He doesn't like chocolate milk.

 

[Madmidget]

Name: She can't pronounce it, who cares.

Reasons:
1) She bites during sex.
2) Instead of moaning, it appears as though she's trying to lick her own ear and touch her right elbow with her right hand.

Name: Ima Stumpy

Reasons:

1) You'd have to clean her off after you blew on her.
2) If you got her pregnant she would roll far too easily.

Edit because I forgot the "/" on the IMG tag on the second image.

For the first one she isn't 18, so that is the deal breaker.

The second one is as good as done. She can't fight him off and she can't run away. She has great boobs and is already naked. She is nailed!

 

[Rebel Herfer]

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!! MM has gone OFF the reservation. Matt R?

For these next 2 I am posting a disclaimer and will post links because these are........ are......... bad.

DISCLAIMER: IF YOU ARE FAINT OF HEART, WEAK STOMACHED, EASILY DISTURBED, OR IN ANYWAY NORMAL THESE NEXT 2 PICS WILL BE BURNED INTO YOUR BRAIN NEVER TO BE REMOVED. PLEASE BE WARNED!!! LINKS ARE NSFW!!!

Contestant 6 is Sally

LINK

1. Gravity has been cruel to Sally. The phrase: "Golfballs in a sock" apply.

2. She is a Proctologists Assistant and insists on checking out his prostate hourly.

3. She tends to burn lots of things with her cigarettes.

4. Even all that water can't was away that smell!


And last but certainly not least, we have Mattie Brown

LINK (THINK ABOUT IT BEFORE YOU CLICK HERE!!!)

I warned you!

1. She wont take off that damn mask.

2. The "Fountain" scares him.

3. She smells funny.

4. The peanuts in her hair have a funny texture.

5. MAN, does her breath stink!

6. Her incontinence would be the deal breaker for him.

7. He doesn't like chocolate milk.

 

[altercall]

Why not hit? Either she's dead or possessed. Either way, he's not getting his penis back!

 

[altercall]

Name: Barri
Why not hit: She's got so much testosterone she'll tear him apart in the middle of it.

Name: Janette
Why not? She a Dude man!!!

 

[altercall]

Name: Fat
Why not? There's nothing there to hit.

 

[altercall]

Name: An old flame
Why not? You've already done it once.

 

[KayakinBoy]

I'm gunna throw up... seriously, you guys need counseling...

:laugh:

 

[Rebel Herfer]

One hour to go?? No winner yet so maybe we'll extend this a bit.
I'm havin' fun but y'all make me want to trow up at times! :laugh: :laugh:

 

[5 O'Clock Somewhere]

Name: Jar Jar Binks' Sister

Why Not?

1. Despite DSLs, she gives bad head. Seriously, she'll just gnaw it off.
2. When she orgasms she moans "AFLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAC!!!!!!!!!"
3. Note: warts... tasty



EDIT: On the plus side, she can go ATM

 

[atuck]

Here is one he would not hit. (at least I hope) :laugh:

Would he hit this? Or has he already!! :laugh:

here's one that he might just hit! Her tongue hole is almost the perfect size!

Here's the last ones sister. I bet he can hit them both at the same time and get excellent radio reception!

This one is definetely a hitter for Matt. Not that he could fill that hole in reality but I know what kind of visions he would have in his mind. He would fall in love!!! :sign:

Matt, I just hope that you always double wrap!! :laugh: