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This is not a time for you to feel sorry. You can get through this if you find a positive (its there) and seize on it. Doctors are human - remember that. Don't let some tree huggin bastid tell you you can't have a cigar.
Sorry to hear that life decided to chew you up and spit you out brother remember, even if you can't smoke, you have a lot of friends here and we hope you'll still stick around.
Hang in there bro. Been through similar shit over the last few years and you will get through it. Positive thoughts inbound and my humi is open to you anytime should the herd grow a little thin.