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So friggin angry. Don't know what to do?

Lagamm

Lagamm

New Member
Joined
May 8, 2012
Messages
62
Need some advice. Here is the background. Married 9 years and lived together for 4 years before we were married. Was divorced in 2009. This was not by my choice! My ex left me for a coworker but gave me two, wonderful kids, Nathan (6) and Sydney (10). Not bitter about the divorce and it was friendly as far as divorces go. No lawyers and we acted like adults. I miss being a full time dad though. Will never forgive her for taking that away from me.

Well, I have been a part time every other weekend dad for some time now. Well last thanksgiving my ex dropped a bomb. The guy she left me for who was unemployed got a great job offer in Texas and she wants to take the kids and move down there. We live in Mass right now. I said no but he took the job anyway. Fast forward to a few months ago and she talked to a lawyer and the lawyer told her a bunch of shit, basically that it would cost a bunch of money and she would lose because they were not married. So she basically had the lawyer draw up an agreement to reduce my child support $600 a month if I agree to let them go. Basically bribing me. I said no! I did talk to my own lawyer though and got some good advice.

Fast fwd to a few weeks ago. My ex came back from a European vacation and announced that she is engaged. ( I could care less) but tonight I got an email from her reiterating her previous offer and threatening me with court and no money if I do not agree.
She states that I will actually have the kids more days because I can have them all the school vacations (how nice of her). The other thing is a have a close family. My mom, dad, sister and brother are close to my kids and see them just as much as I. My mom is heartbroken about the possibility of losing her grandkids. She pick both of them up during the week for CCD and church on Sundays.

Anyway I'm at a lost what to do. At one end I want to say FU and fight her to the bitter end. But I know it will hurt the kids because she has already started to put them in the middle. She is the type that when she wants something she will twist anything to get what she wants. The other part of me wants the easy way out. The guy she left me for is truly seems like a good guy. They will have nicer things (house, etc) down in Texas. Plus I wouldn't have to struggle with the $1700 a month child's support payments. Oh and if she takes me to court it is going to cost $10-15k that I don't have.

What it comes down to is I want what is best for my kids. I love them so much and hurt deep inside thinking of them being away from me. But right now I see them 2 days every two weeks. Unfortunately, I am already a temporary part of their lives. Working nights I'm not able to see them during the week.

So I'm not sure if letting them go will be a bad thing except for me emotionally. Any insight from anyone would greatly be appreciated. Thanks

Larry.
 
Oh, as a side note. As a result of my divorce I now live with a much more attractive and younger (12yrs) women who can't keep her hands off my stogie. So its not all bad.
 
If I were in your situation, I would look at what is best for your kids.  I'm not saying that Texas is the right way to go, but it certainly is much easier to stay a part of their lives now with technology being what it is... as long as your ex-wife stays civil and adultlike and understands the childrens' needs for both parents.  I can't say I would go that road, as even a few hours every other week would be gladly accepted vice not seeing my kids for months at a time.  Then again, if you can talk to them every night or every few nights via Skype or something, and e-mail regularly, they will know you are still part of their lives.  If you take this to court, what are you going to fight for?  What's your desired outcome?  Do you want custody? 
 
Being a part time dad to my thirteen year old son who has been there....... I would do fucking anything to stay in his life and have what I have with every other weekend and every other week during the summer.

I've done the whole court battle thing just to keep her in check when she gets to feeling like she holds all the cards and can do what she wants. I couldn't afford it either and had to do it twice in a year and a half time frame. Best money I ever spent

In the end, I don't want any regrets, have to look in the mirror and have to be able to say I did everything I could to be a part of that boys life. No offense, but Skype! Are you kidding me!!??!!

I would be happy to talk to you for as long as you want about what I've learned over the years. My son was basically not even born when his mom and I split. I'm convinced the plan all along was to get the baby she wanted and go her way having the financial support end. The divorce was very friendly as well, but when it came to me wanting to have a say in how he was brought up, and I didn't just fade away like she thought, it got less than friendly.
 
I can't relate to your predicament... But I hear Texas is pretty nice! Wold you ever be able to relocate? You figure the money you're saving in child support would go a bit farther down there.

If it's going to weigh on you emotionally, I'd say it's worth doing whatever you can to be near them.

Best luck to you, on whatever you decide to do! Make sure you're happy, you only live once!
 
Absolutely agree with Mr Fields.  Stay in your childrens lives.  They need their Dad as much as you need them.
 
Either way, if I win or loose this battle I will always be in my kids life. If they end up moving I will probably end up moving down there within a year or so. Being an engineer my skill set is in demand almost anywhere. Thanks guys for your thoughts . I have allot of thinking to do on this matter.

Over a nice cigar and some single malt of course.
 
Since you brought it up... Not only do I reiterate what my good friend John said, but "a year or so" ain't going to cut it... I went through the same thing, and I went to where my kids were. Do whatever it takes to be near your children, life is too short to miss these important years coming up. Before you know it, they will be grown. You will have been near them and they will become healthy adults, or the "year or so" turns into a few years, then more, then something else happens... you get the picture.
 
Exactly Bill!

Try to reason with her. Don't just try the legal threatening side. Also, in the most diplomatic fashion ever, talk to your children about how they feel/would feel about the move. Then let them know how much you want to be close to them.

You have to be careful though. You don't want to do, or say anything that's going to put them in the middle, or come off as you being manipulative.

Has mom talked to them about it? If they're dead set against moving far away from dad, she might stop it there if she truly had their best interest.

I love the phone calls and text with him, but I couldn't imagine a month, six months, etc.
 
I understand where your guys are coming from. My company has a facility in Tx so when I go into work today im going to see if they have a job opening down there. Might make everything so much easier.

As for reasoning with my ex. That is a waste of time. She is the one pursuing this legally . She.is also an A type personallity. When she wants something she will go after it and get it no matter what. I have tried to reason with her. My whole family has. I have talked to my daughter who is ten and she doesnt want to move .


Basically the stage I'm at now is she wants an answer by Friday. If I say no she will put her $5-10k retainer for a lawyer and take me to court. I will take the $200.I have in the bank and try and find a lawyer to represent me. Then it will be up to the judge and the laws of Massachusetts. If the judge says she can go I can't do anything about it except try to move closer.
 
I'm going to say no. I have been saying no since last Thanksgiving but she is relentless. She is also very smart. One of the smartest people I know. So it scares the he'll out of me because I know what she needs to prove in court to get approval to move. And all her emails to me (yes , we have only been communicating by emails) are geard to those points. I know she already has a lawyer and I know she has been coached to say what she needs to say to win. She is good , that is for sure and it scares me.
 
Many of us can feel your pain Larry.  Sorry you have to go through this experience.  These are always highly emotionally charged.  Having gone through a lengthy, nasty divorce 15 years ago, involving 3 children, I have experienced a gamut of emotions.  My situation being slightly different because I had to move out of state for employment reasons, then she moved out of state to NJ, and I ultimately settled to be equidistant between my family and my current wife's family.  
 
It's difficult to come to a conclusion is these situations based solely on one's emotions.  Sometimes what's in one's best interest can't be clearly seen.  If your ex is anything like mine, she will likely put the children in the middle, which at their age, is never good.  Try to separate out the facts of the situation and put them on paper.  You don't mention the laws of MA and whether you've had any discussions with an attorney surrounding case law in these situations.  Yours is not the first, so I can guarantee there is plenty of precedent.  
 
What I see going in your favor is your closeness with the children, particularly involving your parents, brother and sister.  If they are moving to an area where neither she nor her co-habitating lover have family, the court would likely view this as a negative.  If the MA courts are reasonable, they will look at a situation in totality, not just her situation and his job.  Also, engagement doesn't mean marriage, so that's another potential issue the courts might look at in your favor.  If it comes down to it, the court may interview the children to get their perspective as well.
 
Although the cost of fighting something like this seems insurmountable, I would think you'd kick yourself if you didn't.  I think you have a lot going in your favor if you concentrate on the family support your children receive and I think you can play it up that she only got engaged because she wouldn't be able to move to TX otherwise.
 
Good luck,
 
Frank
 
Thank you Frank. That is what I'm going to do. I'm going to fight for my kids. I have been trying to keep emotion out of it and act reasonably. But the.fact is that I want more out of my relationship with my kids than I even have now. Them moving to Tx is not benificial for this or their relationship with my family.
Thank you guys again for being the voice of reason. I appreciate it.
Going to email my ex now! Anyone know a good lawyer that will except payment in cigars, lol.
 
My advice is to not communicate much with your ex. Don't put too much in an email. Just keep it very simple, like, "I'm not in agreement with your proposed plan". It'll drive her crazy if she doesn't know your plans. Be the one to strike first with a motion in court to uphold her move.
 
fjldo said:
My advice is to not communicate much with your ex. Don't put too much in an email. Just keep it very simple, like, "I'm not in agreement with your proposed plan". It'll drive her crazy if she doesn't know your plans. Be the one to strike first with a motion in court to uphold her move.
Click to expand...

I did just that. I just responded to her email by saying that I respectfully disagree with her assessment and I didn't think it would be beneficial for the kids to move that far away from their family. My family, her family and myself. That's pretty much it.
 
Also, has she been exposing the minor children to overnight visitation with the opposite sex without being married?

Judges really tend to frown on that. Do what you have to do. Borrow, beg, steal! But don't let her show up with a lawyer and you don't have one.

I know how you feel. I've been there wondering where the money will come from, but I figured it
out. She's banking on you caving. Trust me.

Also, if it gets to that point in court, I highly suggest asking for a child support review. You don't want them to go without, but $1,700. A month sounds excessive unless you're making around 140k a year.
 
jfields said:
Also, has she been exposing the minor children to overnight visitation with the opposite sex without being married?

Judges really tend to frown on that. Do what you have to do. Borrow, beg, steal! But don't let her show up with a lawyer and you don't have one.

I know how you feel. I've been there wondering where the money will come from, but I figured it
out. She's banking on you caving. Trust me.

Also, if it gets to that point in court, I highly suggest asking for a child support review. You don't want them to go without, but $1,700. A month sounds excessive unless you're making around 140k a year.
Click to expand...
Great points John! I totally agree, Judges will frown on cohabitation with opposite sex outside of marriage, particularly when children are involved.

If she's living with this guy, John's correct, push for review of child support including threatening subpoenas for both their finances.
 
 
*Edited out some funny shit that I don't know how it got in there.  Damn TapaTalk!
 
Oh I plan on reviewing finances and child support. I do think I got screwed. I make around $85k. As far as them living together, I won't go their. I have been living with my girlfriend for the last two years. Yes, the one that is 12 years younger than my ex.
 
Fortunately, the courts only look at the parents income Frank. That's fair I think.
On the flip side of that, if she were to be sitting at home living off of Daddy Warbucks, one could claim imputed income. Most judges would reduce the support and tell her if she needs more, to go out and get a job.
 
I feel so much better now that I know what route I'm taking.

I do want to say though, my ex is not a bad person or a loser. Neither is the guy she is with. They both treat my kids good. But she has made her own bed, now she is going to have to live with her choices. None of which she has ever had to do yet.

As for my ex finances. She makes close to what I make.
 
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