So clinical trials are ment to help with cancer research. There are levels of these trials determine what point the research is at. As helpful as my involvement in might be in the trials it's not going to help me with my situation. As selfish as this is (my nature is to help others) I don't want to go through this process. I have had enough. A major surgery removing a foot of my colon and a baseball sized tumor started my journey. 22 rounds of chemo with hideous side effects which produce no lasting results. Two chemo embolism that are extremely painful and once again produce no lasting results. Two months of a pill based chemo that have no results. I'm a fighter. I've put up with a lot of shit with this disease. I can't do anymore but these trials. I don't want to spend the rest of the quality time I could spend with my friends and family being tortured with side effects. I also will have to be away from my family. Sick, miserable and alone is not how I want go out. I will deal with the sick and miserable in my own way but it will be at home with my family. I would really like to thank the people that have looked into the trials for us. I just can't justify taking the remaining healthy time away from my family for something that will not help me in the end. I'm going to try to remain as healthy as I can (this weekend is not included, I am really excited and don't plan on being anything but fun). I really love you all and I don't know how I would have gotten to this point without your support.