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Loren once entered a cigar-nubbing contest but was disqualified when he stopped smoking cigars and started smokin' spectators.
Loren once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.
Loren was the original sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.
Loren plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
If Loren round-house kicks you, you will die. If Loren misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas.
Loren invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Loren is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
And one last one: Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Mr. Peat glare will liquefy your kidneys.