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Looking for some criticism

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DaveWF

Official CP Entertainment
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Jan 16, 2001
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Hey all,
As many of you know, I have a home-based business - DWF Computers. As a member of my local Chamber of Commerce, I have been given the opportunity to place an ad in the 2004 Local Businesses Directory. It will be delivered to approximately 20,000 people and businesses in and around the town of Lombard. I'm able to get a 1/2 page ad for $600 (well actually $595 - but you know it's really $600). I've come up with something that I think will work pretty well, but I figure another dozen or so pairs of eyes certainly won't hurt. It's in Adobe PDF format.

Let me know what you all think!

Here's The Ad

Dave ;)
 
Looks good Dave. I see you got a stand-in for the photo! ;) :D
 
You're not going to like this, but you asked for it. My suggestion to you would be that you hire a graphic artist to take care of the ad layout, graphic design, etc. Seriously. I'd also suggest that you have this person design a logo for your company, so you can start effectively branding from day one.

Your ad is exactly what it'd look like if I laid out an ad for my company: it needs work. Please don't take that personally, I couldn't make anything better myself, which is why I recommend hiring someone to not only design you a nice ad, but also provide your company with a good effective logo.

Please take my suggestion, assuming you find a good graphic designer, you will not regret it.
 
moki said:
You're not going to like this, but you asked for it. My suggestion to you would be that you hire a graphic artist to take care of the ad layout, graphic design, etc. Seriously. I'd also suggest that you have this person design a logo for your company, so you can start effectively branding from day one.

Your ad is exactly what it'd look like if I laid out an ad for my company: it needs work. Please don't take that personally, I couldn't make anything better myself, which is why I recommend hiring someone to not only design you a nice ad, but also provide your company with a good effective logo.

Please take my suggestion, assuming you find a good graphic designer, you will not regret it.
Click to expand...
Yeah, but all that costs money - and I'm kinda short on that right now. I'm going to just about drain the company funds to place the ad as it is.

Dave
 
Could it be more fancy and dressed up? Sure... but based on my experience with advertising/marketing/etc. for my clients, the ad is efficient. It's simple and the layout makes it easy to read. The bottom line is conveying what the business has to offer. As long as that part is done effectively, bells and whistles are just extra (and often times, a detriment). Besides, Dave's not about smoke and mirrors... it's all about QUALITY!

:thumbs:
 
I think it's pretty good. I like "Your own personal computer nerd,
just a phone call away!"

Anyways moki has a point if you're a big company. But you're just one person. No disrespect to either side but DWF computers is no Ambrosia software.

I say keep it and keep moki's suggestion for down the road when you've got a few employees and revenues are in the 6 digits and you are expanding beyond your immediate area.
 
Okay... but for what it's worth, I had a logo for my company while I was still in college (and we're still a very small company now, with only 7 employees) -- but I got lucky and had a friend who designed it for not a whole lot of money. Still, one of the first things you will learn when obtaining your MBA is the importance of branding.

If you want people to treat you professionally, everything about your company has to be professional. Perhaps you have a friend who does graphic design who would do the ad for you in return for computer services? It's a good way to start...
 
Is "webhosting" one word or should it be "web hosting"?

I couldn't open the whole thing 'cause my computer here at "work" didn't have the latest Adobe updates so the page kept sticking. I'll look at it when I get home later tonight.
 
Are you offering "Unexplained System Slowdowns"? Everything else you list is something you offer.
 
Dave send me a PM if you would like some help... I happen to have experience and a bit of knowledge in this stuff and if you would like an alternative I would be happy to help you - after all I do owe you LOL.

There is nothing wrong with your ad - but it does come across as generic and doesn't have much eye appeal (I think it might have to do with that ugly stand-in guy you have in there :p ) and I think if we can make it a little more eye-catching while maintaining the information you want to come across we can come up with something that will catch ya some customers ;)

Sam
 
SamGuss said:
There is nothing wrong with your ad - but it does come across as generic and doesn't have much eye appeal (I think it might have to do with that ugly stand-in guy you have in there :p ) and I think if we can make it a little more eye-catching while maintaining the information you want to come across we can come up with something that will catch ya some customers ;)
Click to expand...
Agreed, Sam... and way to come through to help a BOTL! :D
 
Dave,

I am a 1-man business also, though I do use subs. I have read your response about the budget thing, and not using a professional to do the layout. I think you will be okay with that. However, based on personal experience, I would delete the personal photograph of yourself in the ad. It's not that I am ugly, nor that you are ugly, but potential clients react differently when they see an individual photograph in a static advertisement, though when they meet the person live, they don't care what they look like. There was a fashion for a while to put individual photos on business cards, that died out quickly too.

Also, emphasize your low cost for providing these services.

Good luck.

4A
 
You know, come to think of it..... What's wrong with my logo??

I spent a long time putting that together :angry:
 
Four Aces said:
Dave,

I am a 1-man business also, though I do use subs. I have read your response about the budget thing, and not using a professional to do the layout. I think you will be okay with that. However, based on personal experience, I would delete the personal photograph of yourself in the ad. It's not that I am ugly, nor that you are ugly, but potential clients react differently when they see an individual photograph in a static advertisement, though when they meet the person live, they don't care what they look like. There was a fashion for a while to put individual photos on business cards, that died out quickly too.

Also, emphasize your low cost for providing these services.

Good luck.

4A
Click to expand...
So then the question is, what would be put up in that corner?
 
I must agree:

I don't like the pic...perhaps you could put in a mockup of your website homepage that is in the background...

the "unexplained system slowdowns" made me stop for a minute to understand what you were saying...I would try to re-word it.

I like your logo just fine and I love the computer nerd line.

Another idea for the pic could be a cartoon of a computer nerd, subdued, but for a little relaxed comic (is it "affect" or "effect").

Anyhoo, overall, I like it, just a couple of things mentioned above.
 
I don't think it's that bad, and I'm no graphics design maven......BUT

It seems cluttered. You have your company name in three different boxes, in 3 different typefaces. I would have put the slogan either in with the logo, or with the address. Also, you have your web address in 2 different places, with 2 different typefaces. I'm also not crazy about the 6 different colors in 6 boxes (Seven, counting the add itself. In the words of Thoreau: "Simplify, simplify." Personally, I'm a big B&W fan, with layout and typefaces for impact.

Maybe also combine some of your services under a single heading instead of the
10 separate items. Now there's a chance for different typefaces.

I know you're selling a service, not a single product, so it can't be as simple as the latest Kettl Vodka ads.

OK, well, I guess that'll be the last time Dave asks my opinion....... :D
 
DaveWF said:
You know, come to think of it..... What's wrong with my logo??

I spent a long time putting that together :angry:
Click to expand...
What is wrong with it is that it isn't a logo, it's some type with a drop-shadow. A graphic designer would come up with a nice stylized image for you to associate with your company, or at the least, they would combine the type in an interesting way to make a visually attractive logo.

Please don't take it personally -- we all have different skills. I think a graphic designer could come up with something great for you.
 
I think it will be pretty effective the way it is but some of the suggestions here have been pretty good so you should probably take them.

My suggestion: replace your pic with one of a naked chick! That would get my business :D
 
Alright, I've said a general critique, and I still do think you should work with a graphic designer on this, especially if you're laying out the bucks to get it published. Anyway, here's my specific critique:

Logo:

-- It's a few letters in a standard typeface, with a drop-shadow, and a gradient running through it
-- The drop-shadow is a bit too exaggerated, IMHO
-- There is no drop shadow on the word "computers" which makes it not seem like a cohesive logo, with one source of light projecting on it
-- The gradient and shadow will both make printing a bit more expensive for business cards, because subtle shadows require high quality printing to come out well, and you're committing yourself to color printing, unless you're ok with it appearing in b/w
-- It isn't memorable. If you had a nice stylized image associated with it, people would recognize it visually; no one is going to remember 3 letters other than by rote memorization
-- The kerning on the "DWF" is not tight enough -- it should be pulled in, especially between the D and W (too much space)
-- If you don't want to go with a visual logo, you could at least have a graphic designer combine the letters into an interesting design. The stem of the F could be shared with the 3rd vertical stroke of the W, and the 1st vertical stroke of the W could be slightly curved, integrating the right bulge of the D into it. It would then be stylistically unique.

Ad:

-- There's no tag line; no large headline drawing you in. Something like "Let us take care of your computer" in large type would tell people loudly what you will do for them. In an ad, your biggest struggle is getting people to read your ad in the first place
-- There's no visual focus to the ad (tying in with what I said above). I look at it briefly, and I'm not sure what to read first, so my eyes glaze over, and I move on to something else in the magazine
-- There are too many colors in the add, separated by unattractive blue lines; there's no color scheme to the ad, no visual theme
-- It's very rigid and boxed in; if I saw it in a magazine, it wouldn't stand out and make me want to read it
-- The design of the ad is very haphazard, with some areas being very crowded, and the prime middle are of the ad is mostly white space (or orange-ish space, in this case)
-- Decide on one message you want to get across. Focus first on making the ad eye-catching and visually appealing. Now that you have the person's attention, give them one nice easy to understand message to read. Then provide the details.

Hope this is helpful.
 
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