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King for the holidays contest

kink.jpg
 
What do you call Santa's helpers?






Subordinate Clauses


Merry Christmas!
 
Santa and the Easter Bunny found themselves out of work. Both needing to make ends meet they had both applied for the same job at a marketing company. The owner needed a right hand man and made a simple request - who can write a better poem using the word "Timbuktu".

So, Santa and Bunny go into the conference room and write out their poems. After about a 1/2 hr, Easter Bunny comes out standing tall, all proud of his poem, and hands it to the owner.

It reads -

Across the burning sands
Came a sultans caravan
A row of camels two by two
Destination Timbuktu

The owner looks up and told the Easter Bunny - Damn, that was very good!

A few momment later Santa strolled out with poem in hand and had a good chuckle going on.

His read -

Tim and I a hunting went
Found some whores in a tent
They were three, we were two
I buck one - Timbuktu


Have a Merry Chritmas everyone

Lkyman
 
041126_naughtysanta.jpg


A strip club in Latham is drawing a lot of attention, and could face legal action, for putting a suggestive inflatable Santa on top of its roof. Many people said they thought the display was offensive.

The decoration turned a lot of heads Friday morning. Several drivers cruising by Sebastian's on Troy-Schenectady Road couldn't stop staring. A female doll, wearing a T-shirt that says 'I've been naughty,' stands right in front of an inflatable Santa Clause.

Town officials consider the decoration a sign, because of the nature of the business. They said the sign is illegal and they will make sure it is taken down. The owner of the strip club could also face legal action. This is the third time in three weeks that Colonie Town officials have had to deal with the club owner, for what they say are inappropriate decorations.
 
Santa goes to his doctor for his yearly exam, the doc prods and pokes.
He tells santa he'll be right back....
doc returns and says "santa, i am sorry but, you only have 14 orgasims left and then you're going to die!"
so santa returns to the north pole to tell mrs. claus,
she says "we better make a list so you'll know when to use them santa"
santa replies" no need for a list, you're not on it!"

thanks for the contest, Merry Christmas
 
I didn't know I was broken, but my ol' lady just offered to get me fixed for Christmas...


I wonder what she means by that???
 
indyrob said:
I didn't know I was broken, but my ol' lady just offered to get me fixed for Christmas...


I wonder what she means by that???
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Hun by getting ya fixed, she is breaking ya....
 
They call this one "A Cat's Christmas".

'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Not a creature was sturring
not even a mouse.

'Cuz the cat had pounced on him
And tore him apart-
Ate his mousey intestines
And chewed up his heart.

Kitty thought he heard sleigh bells,
which made him take pause-
He stopped daintily licking
The blood from his claws.

Must be Santa thought kitty
(That quite clever cat)
'Cuz nobody else climbs down
The chimney like that.


Indeed it was old Santa
Jolly and fat
With a load of presents
All for the cat.

"Wow the best Christmas ever!"
Kitty thought with a purr,
Then he coughed up a hairball
and shed some more fur.
 
Tons of funny stuff here. Glad I don't have to be the judge. Thanks for the contest Moki and to all for giving me something to do to pass the time today. :D
 
One night as a couple were getting into bed the husband began to rub her arm. His wife says..."Sorry honey, I have a gynecological appointment tomorrow...I want to feel fresh for it."

A few minutes later he rolls over and asks, "Do you have a dential appointment tomorrow?"
 
cigarsarge said:
One night as a couple were getting into bed the husband began to rub her arm. His wife says..."Sorry honey, I have a gynecological appointment tomorrow...I want to feel fresh for it."

A few minutes later he rolls over and asks, "Do you have a dential appointment tomorrow?"
[snapback]266207[/snapback]​
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That's a winner in my book.

Doc
 
There will be no Christmas celebration in Washington, DC
this year. Apparently they could not find three wise men.
 
Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up?
Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!
 
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