I used to do a lot of international work, setting up factories and what not all across the globe. As a result, I gained a lot of experience dealing with people of different cultures on a long-term basis (it takes 6 months or more to get these factories built and operational). I learned a lot of things. Relavent here:
You would not believe how common using "influence" is in some places. I don't just mean the places you would think (India, Indonesia, China), but places you would think have moved past that (Germany, Japan, New Zealand). I'm not going to use the stronger word "corruption" to describe it, because I don't think the motives are necessarily bad in doing it. But it's pretty common to expect something in return for a gift, as well as to expect a gift before doing something. If you come from a culture where gifts are usually part of a value exchange, you're going to expect that other places are the same, just as you expected that gifts would be seen as altruistic.
I know this stuff goes on in the US as well, but in my experience it's not nearly as common, nor nearly as brazen and open.
Now, I'm going to go off topic...
One thing that I find interesting. In the US, you often here people complain that we just don't value family as much anymore. And it's true: Most people don't think it's their obligation to have their parents move in with them when they retire. They don't have regular meals with the extended family. They don't make a point of stopping in to see a distant cousin when you're vacationing just 50 miles away from where they live. In other cultures, all of these things are done.
But you know what else we don't have as much of? Nepotism (unless you're the president, that is
). We also don't have cousins rigging the hiring process to get their aunts slow son a job. We don't have companies that lose money on some accounts because the buyer in a certain department is the uncle of the salesman at another company. We don't have 15 people show up at our house when they find out that we got a job, expecting either a hand out or for you to get them a job, too. Your aunt won't ask you to steal from your boss, and you wouldn't feel obligated to do it if they asked.
My wife comes from a culture that places a very high value on family. They place that value on the family not because it's respectful, but because it's to their benefit to do so. My mother-in-law could be dropped into any city in the world, and within 72 hours she would've found a relative, borrowed enough money to start a business, and would have her first customers lined up.
Of course, she'd be obligated to do the same thing, as well. And whenever she travels she has to carry an extra suitcase just for all the gifts. Gifts for everyone, no matter how distant a relative, who might be within 100 miles of the place she's visiting. And she'll still be surprised by some relative from Timbuktu who heard she was visiting and decided to drive 200 miles to see her (oh, and to see if she might give them a job for a few months, because they lost a lot of money playing mah jong last month).
Anyway, it's cool that you think enough of your friend to send a gift and expect nothing in return. Not everyone is lucky enough to have that, or even to come from a culture where that's normal.
KevPriest
