Favorite funny sayings.....

[gaspagoo]

We all have sayings we use that fit the moment. Many we grew up hearing. Some we may have heard for the first time today. Here's a few of my favorites:

~ I could sh-t on a screen door and miss every wire. (Use that one when you have diarrhea)
~ It's hotter than two rats screwin in a wool sock.
~ I'm sweatin like a whore in church.

 

[Yojimbo]

Uglier than a hat full of smashed @$$holes.

Hotter than a freshly fu€ked fox in a forest fire.

Busy as a one armed paper hanger.

 

[ilikefishes]

I am sweating like Mike Tyson in a spelling bee.

 

[beyond the band]

Busier than a one legged man at an ass kicking contest.

 

[wkoti]

Ugly doesn't explain it well enough, dumpster fire is much more accurate.

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

 

[Aussie Shaun]

Flat out like a lizard drinking.
He/She is as useless as an ashtray on a motorbike.
Hotter than a firemans headband.
He/She is as bright as a 5 watt light bulb.

 

[jfields]

Cold as a witch's titty in a brass bra.
Does your pussy hurt? (to a whining male friend)
50 million sperm and you had to make it.
I think my air/shit seperator just broke.
We live in an age where pizza gets to your home before police.

Do farts have lumps?

 

[BlindedByScience]

....can't polish a turd.

 

[duglynukem]

Ugly enough to make a freight train take a dirt road.

 

[Vicster]

Raining like a cow pissin on a flat rock

If I had a dog that looked like you, I' d shave his ass and make him walk backward

 

[broblues]

You are so ugly that if they put a picture of your face and a picture of my ass on the wall, everyone walking by would say "Who's the good looking guy with one eye?"

 

[louich]

He's not the sharpest knife of the drawer...

Only fools dont change their ideas...its because they are too stupid to realize they did!

It was written im the sky (reffring to something obvious)

 

[stevehawk]

My dad is from Georgia... old school Georgia. We call him Pop and he has tons of sayings we call "Pop-isms." Here are a couple -- use a southern drawl for best effect.

• When someone does something stupid and hets hurt: "That'll learn ya."

• When someone complains of a headache: "If I had a head like that and it didn't ache, I'd see a doctor."

 

[Franco593]

" That guy is so lazy , he'd sh!t in bed and kick it out with his feet"

 

[Jonesy]

I'm sweating like a whore on nickel night.

 

[Devil Doc]

Fuggin' know-it-all flatlander.
He's as useless as the tits on a bull
Dumber than a door nail

Doc

 

[LilBastage]

Step on into the cellar and let me help you repair that bindle.

Don't worry, this is going to hurt. A LOT.

You can't get there on the next train. Step into the cellar here and I'll show you the schedule and map.

Sure I can spare a hot meal. Come on in and I'll make you one.

 

[JHolmes763]

You make me want to shit in my hand and rub it in my hair (to someone frustrating you).

 

[stevehawk]

Couple more Pop-isms:

• When someone made a mistake: "That's what you get for thinking when you're not used to it."

• When he was whipping my ass: "Move your hand."

 

[kona1000]

You can't get there from here.