Thank you all for the prayers and thoughts. As only City govt can do I got a we will let you know.
Yes they are "that cruel" especially to someone like me who just can't help myself. I see things that need adressing and do it even though I know it will only end badly for me. I'm the eternal pessimist that still screams in my head that problems should be addressed not re-assigned or ignored.
I also don't take my sense of self from my work. I hat what I do and who I do it for. It provides me with health ins and more time off paid than anyone else I know or have met. Therefore it's good for my family. If someone puts that in jeopardy I get very, well, ugly and "inappropriate".
It appears that my job isn't in jeopardy but I'm sure that the other shoe will drop when "they" feel they have left me to twist in the wind long enough.
On a personal note it has occurred to me that I have been this way sense the beginning and I have never fit in anywhere I have been because I have a different view of, we'll I guess life.
Sorry for the long winded post.
Go love your family, wife, kids etc and thank them for all they are and do. My wife is amazing for putting up with a person like me who has a thicker file (personnel file) than pretty much everybody else because I can't keep from expressing my thoughts.