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jfields

jfields

Where did all my money go?
Joined
Jan 25, 2007
Messages
16,846
Hope you all are doing well! Been a spell since I’ve been around and miss this place a lot. As much as I do, I needed to take a break to focus on what was going on in John’s world. A lot has been happening. Separated from my wife of 20 years, had to sell my home, and having to face how sexual abuse at the hands of a relative, and stranger as a young child has affected me my entire adult life. Thought I could just be a man, bury that shit, and move on, but evidently not the case. I don’t cry myself to sleep, or have nightmares at night, but it has definitely affected my behavior and decision making over the years I’m learning. I knew my daughter and son smoked pot, and didn’t really care. I even joined in on a handful of occasions. I always felt like there’s far more people dying from the ravages of alcohol, even though marijuana wasn’t my drug of choice. My wife knew I did once in a while and didn’t care. But, I knew she wouldn’t approve of them, or especially me doing it with either of them. She apparently still has that 1970’s it’s a gateway drug mentality, even though she’ll let them have a few beers at home and has always been fine if I partake.
Anyways, around Christmas it came to light that my daughter was struggling with so much more than what I thought was just normal teenager stuff. She was being heavily cyber bullied, suffering from heavy depression, self harm, and drinking a lot. Our own alcohol right under our noses. I/we had no idea. Long story short, I confessed my role in the end, and as you can imagine, it didn’t go over very well. This was a huge breach of trust in her view. I always knew she would be really upset if she found out, but honestly, as open as she is about a lot of things, I didn’t think it would be a marriage killer. Made it clear she just doesn’t trust me.

Has not been an easy three, or so months, but I am getting there. I don’t know if we will reconcile or not, but I know I still love her even after 20 years of marriage. Right now I am sober and working on me, and then maybe we will see where we are.

just wanted to tell you all how much your friendship means! I appreciate all the messages, the texts, and phone calls checking in. Seriously, it helps!
 
Really hate what you are going through. Don’t want to imagine, and can’t, what you are going theough. Just know you have many friends here that will support you. We all reach out for a reason, and that reason is cause we all care. You have a family here and don’t ever forget that. I hope things look to the better, and if they don’t, we will still support you. Just don’t murder anyone cause they have podcasts now and they track that shit. But in all seriousness, glad to see you back on buddy.
 
It is great to see you back, John, even though I hate it that you and your family are going through all of this. Though you've always got family here at CP, your priorities on your family at home are definitely understood and respected. I wish for the best between you and your wife, for sure, but (as the father of an early teenage girl going through some shit, as well), I hope your daughter is healthy and happy as can be. Hang in there, my friend.
 
So glad you trust us with this brother. You are our family and whatever you are going through, we are as well. My mom use to tell me, when you screw up, straighten up, take your medicine, move forward, and be the best man you can be... and “everything” will work out even better than before. I can attest she was right on the money...
 
John, the way you’ve handled this entire ordeal makes me proud to call you my brother. As I read your post I literally felt as if I was sitting beside you talking to you, and it makes it easy for me to say I love you. Your openness and forthright honesty is refreshing in today’s world.

I feel good about you and Donella’s future, be it together or apart, because you are both truly wonderful people and I believe that people get what they deserve; you both deserve the best.

I hope I can be there for both of you, as you were both there for me a couple years ago.

I hope to see you soon!
 
Hope your daughter gets the help she needs and your wife can find it in her heart to at least keep having a dialog. Life is a challenge at best, dealing with our issues sucks. Thank you for sharing. I'm here if you need a shoulder to lean on.
 
CigSid said:
So glad you trust us with this brother. You are our family and whatever you are going through, we are as well. My mom use to tell me, when you screw up, straighten up, take your medicine, move forward, and be the best man you can be... and “everything” will work out even better than before. I can attest she was right on the money...
Click to expand...
^^^this! I couldn’t have said it better.
thank you for sharing John, sharing helps. Glad to see you back and all of us are here for you if you need it!
 
John, although I don't know you as well as others, I and we are always hear to be a listening ear for you... And know that you are not alone in these struggles, we have all been through hard times with family, friends and personal demons, you have nothing to be ashamed about and you will make it through this...
 
Thank you for sharing and being so open. I appreciate that brother. I often feel that there are times we falter as parents and partners to our spouses. That being said. If you need to talk, feel free to shoot me a message. There are some good people out there that could be useful. Healing is part of adulting. True “manning up” is seeking strength and resolution to be able to move forward in a better direction. The weak ones self medicate with toxic things or take their feelings out on others in the form of hate, anger and violence. Breathe, shed tears, it’s all perfectly ok. You can do it. Best wishes on the next steps forward in your journey.

C
 
John so glad to see you posting again. I know how much you love your family and your kids. I don’t think there is such a thing as a perfect husband or a perfect father. We can just try to be as close to that ideal as possible.
It’s great that you decided to share the ordeal that you are going through. Everyone here loves you and cares a lot. Don’t ever hesitate to reach out and share , vent, ask for help. I think these things properly channeled make you stronger and a better person
 
Thank you for trusting us as family to share with us. I can't imagine how hard that must have been to share. We are all here in case you need to talk further. If you want a great night of belly laughs and uncontrolled nonsense, the Saturday night vherfs are a great place to sit and listen or join in the mayhem. More than a few people have said it helps a great deal to escape from reality for a while.
 
Sometimes when you realize your life just turned into a bucket of shit.....and you find the handle of that bucket stuck on the inside you need to dig deep. Obviously, reading this post, you've taken the steps necessary to grab that handle! You're doing the right thing by talking it out and taking care of yourself. You can't help others heal until you've healed some yourself. My prayers are with you John.
 
I understand the PM more now. If you still love her, I hope it works out for you. I've screwed some things up myself.
 
Not much for me to add that already hasn't been expressed. I'm damn sorry you and the family are going through this rough patch. I know you have a good head on your shoulders and seems you are taking the right steps to work on things. We're all here if you need to talk. I'm sure we've all been through some seriously rough points in life, myself included. If you ever need to chat, know that I and the other brothers on CP are always here to listen.
 
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