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A few thoughts about the "friendliest" cigar forum

MX said:
But when the post only says, F-you or this F'n guy again, or things along those lines.....there is no message, there is no help....that is what is bothering me right now.
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That's it in a nutshell right there Tim. You could liken it to, 'Get out the popcorn' (or posting a popcorn pic)....'This should be good'....'Wait until an FOG reads this'....etc. What you're talking about is the creation of an expectation of an impending train wreck...and those types of comments could empower the members that follow to make sure that happens. That's something none of us should be proud of.

BUT, what negativity we focus on only gets worse. There is so much good here at CP that these types of incidents are very few and far between the last 5-6 years. When we stick to cigars, booze, food, and friendship...this place is an oasis in the desert of Life. That's the part we usually focus on in spades!
 
ironpeddler said:
That's it in a nutshell right there Tim. You could liken it to, 'Get out the popcorn' (or posting a popcorn pic)....'This should be good'....'Wait until an FOG reads this'....etc. What you're talking about is the creation of an expectation of an impending train wreck...and those types of comments could empower the members that follow to make sure that happens. That's something none of us should be proud of.

BUT, what negativity we focus on only gets worse. There is so much good here at CP that these types of incidents are very few and far between the last 5-6 years. When we stick to cigars, booze, food, and friendship...this place is an oasis in the desert of Life. That's the part we usually focus on in spades!
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Dammit, I wanted to say this :(

I've only been here about 4 1/2 years, but I have accepted a lot of you into my heart, and thus into my life... This is a very special place to me, and sometimes I might get a little overly protective... But you all are right... and I need to have a bit more patience, but at the same time, don't mess with my family...
 
Thanks for posting this, Tim.

I PMed the newb in question, and did my best over a few days to guide him to an understanding of what was being asked for, which to my mind was primarily an indication that he had heard the criticism, and an indication that he would put forth effort towards fixing the problem. I think if the response from him was, ‘I’m sorry, I’ll work on it,’ the community is far gentler.

I don’t think I was terribly effective, and I eventually gave up.

I think we could be friendlier, and I think the reasons we’re not are legitimate.
 
MX said:
Well, if nothing else, we have had a good discussion
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Twice during the evolution of this thread I started to add a comment and twice I backspaced through my thoughts and waited. I heard, firsthand, Tim's concerns on Saturday at a mini-herf. I was initially concerned that the forum was not getting the message and I wanted to chime in and clean things up. But, as is true most of the time at this great place, wisdom won. A great discussion was had and we are a better forum for it.
 
MX said:
Well, if nothing else, we have had a good discussion
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Tim, it's more than just a discussion, this topic needs to be brought up periodically....and thank you for doing so. I was feeling the exact same way as you after reading through a bunch of threads over the last few weeks and just shook my head as I read. Then it happened in a thread I started and got derailed....then I had had enough and lashed out out of frustration.

The piling on is always a bad play, to the point of embarrassment in a forum of like minded people brought together under the guise of enjoyment. But at the same time...and I'm sure we can all agree, we don't want to turn this place into a snowflake pussy hangout either. It's the senseless Facebook type, social media hammering that needs to be curtailed.

In the 10 years I'm here, when I see someone come off the rails, I'm not the guy to handle it because I know there are many wise voices that came before me who know CP better than me that will straighten this person out. Just because a member has a few years under their belt doesn't give them the 'FOG power' to negatively comment on someone else's wrongdoing. We need to trust in the seniority system set forth by Rod. There's a definitive pecking order here that has to be observed and RESPECTED when an instant like this pops up. We all need to be confident in the fact that it will be handled and done so in a timely manner.

Patience. Tolerance. Respect. ;)
 
ironpeddler said:
Tim, it's more than just a discussion, this topic needs to be brought up periodically....and thank you for doing so. I was feeling the exact same way as you after reading through a bunch of threads over the last few weeks and just shook my head as I read. Then it happened in a thread I started and got derailed....then I had had enough and lashed out out of frustration.

The piling on is always a bad play, to the point of embarrassment in a forum of like minded people brought together under the guise of enjoyment. But at the same time...and I'm sure we can all agree, we don't want to turn this place into a snowflake pussy hangout either. It's the senseless Facebook type, social media hammering that needs to be curtailed.

In the 10 years I'm here, when I see someone come off the rails, I'm not the guy to handle it because I know there are many wise voices that came before me who know CP better than me that will straighten this person out. Just because a member has a few years under their belt doesn't give them the 'FOG power' to negatively comment on someone else's wrongdoing. We need to trust in the seniority system set forth by Rod. There's a definitive pecking order here that has to be observed and RESPECTED when an instant like this pops up. We all need to be confident in the fact that it will be handled and done so in a timely manner.

Patience. Tolerance. Respect. ;)
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Same here. Over the few years that I have been a member of CP, and as far as I can remember, I have never been "confrontational" with anyone here. I was never a "know it all" or posted my opinions on things that I didn't know anything about, heck, I think most of my posts are about food. And as my first post suggested, I was still subjected to some of the things that this member was being subjected to (which is the very reason I set myself up as an example), but I chose to be the bigger man and not get into it. So yes, if a new member is acting like a know it all, breaking the rules, not taking the advice of others into consideration and such, members need to step in and set him/her straight, but I believe that this wasn't the only thing being done here.

I'm glad that this issue was brought up and that I wasn't the only one thinking about these things. I love this place and there is a reason that this is the only forum I visit.

And Gary, I already respected you, but you have gained another level of respect from me Sir.
 
SurfnSafari joined CPass on May 7, 2018 , the same day as his buddy Coincrazed1916. Coincrazed1916 made friends quickly with “rude asshole” Bsneed51 (May 18th) and “jackass” Devil Doc (May 19th), before last posting on May 29th.

I am not at all surprised by the extra attention given to SurfnSafari , considering the circumstances with his “buddy” Coincrazed1916.
 
Furthermore..........my honest and friendly attempt to let SurfnSafari know it was hard to read his posts were met with an unfavorable comparison of my mental acuity to a child. That was really not appreciated by me, but did I fire back an explicative laced, name calling post? No, just explained and expressed displeasure in a civilized manner.

Reference The Cigar Forum Guide (pinned on the first page of this forum) where it spells out "Tips and Advice", specifically saying:

"Type like an adult
Let's be honest, cigar smokers tend to be an older group overall. Don't make posts that look like text messages from a 13-year-old. Use proper grammar, capitalization, and punctuation."

No one cares about a few typos and grammatical faux pas's which occur occasionally, we all do it. But it was systemic in the posts making it difficult to read. Perhaps we should change the above to read something like this..."Please at least attempt to try and use proper grammar, capitalization and punctuation. We understand if you are trying and just aren't capable of hitting the mark but the fact you are trying is really what counts. Proper grammar, capitalization and punctuation simply make it so much more delightful for the reader. Post thoughts which are written in such a manner as to make them clear, after all you are taking your time to post thoughts and information for the members of the board to contemplate, laugh (with) and or learn something. If you believe it's worth the time to post it, then also make it worth the other member's time to read it."

Let's be honest, there have been times in the past where members have responded poorly to newbies, we all know it. Yes, we can be more welcoming sometimes. Is everyone always "friendly", not here and not in life outside the board. Personally, I do not like name calling and try to keep explicative laced language to a minimum. Could the board be more a more welcoming place for new members, probably. For a period of time CP seemed be slowed down with far less activity than what it was in the past. For me it is good to see it active again and good, new members are part of the deal. CP has a lot to offer and I believe the community will continue to grow and be a fun part of the cigar hobby we all seem to enjoy.

Oh and maybe we should adopt an official CP song something like this....


LOL
 
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ironpeddler said:
That's it in a nutshell right there Tim. You could liken it to, 'Get out the popcorn' (or posting a popcorn pic)....'This should be good'....'Wait until an FOG reads this'....etc.
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I've been here long enough to remember when Rod had to pick up the banhammer threateningly over the popcorn pics. :D

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I've been on social media a long time, clear back to the old email list, Network 54 bbs, and Yahoo groups days, and still get hammered sometimes for what my friends charitably refer to as my "sparkling bluntness." Sometimes I have to put people on ignore until MY snark goes away, and sometimes I find myself looking at my own posts going "Rude? That wasn't rude! Where was I rude? WTF?" :rolleyes:

We all who we are. When in doubt, remember: It's Just A Ride.


~Boar
 
Bsneed51 said:
I guess I'm the asshole being discussed. Maybe my time here has run its course.
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Actually it was not you that prompted me to start this discussion
 
For me, I just figure if you want to be treated like an adult, you should communicate like one. If you type like a child, I will treat you like one.

Of course, I give far more slack to those where English is not their first language.
 
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