Blue Dragon
Can't Re-Member
Many of you I consider good friends, and some of you know what I have embarked on. I loved my wife and never wanted to get a divorce. I had in my profile that one of my favorite things was to kiss my wife. She approached me a while ago and told me she made a terrible mistake. I was trying to move on with my life. I made the analogy that I had lost my leg. I wasn't going to roll over and die, but I had to come to terms with the fact that I lost my leg and figure out how I was going to live my life moving forward. I was working with that in mind when she told me she made a mistake. It took me quite a while to let myself fell those emotions again and to trust that we might have another chance. I spoke with people who had been through a divorce and then recovered with their wife. I decided to give it a chance. And I knew that I had to give it 100% if it was to have any chance.
So I closed off all ties with other women I was dating. I told my family and close friends that I was giving us another chance. Everyone who I talked to told me they respected that I was going to give it another chance. To try to make amends, and move forward with her in a new way that would not cause the issues we had in the past. I have been showing patience, trying to respect where she is at, and for us to move forward, even if it is slow. I set my boundaries and opened my heart. I have been willing to do whatever it would take.
Today I got an uneasy feeling. My gut didn't feel right. So I had to put my mind at ease. I had to see for myself that what I presumed. It would give me a credible instance that my fears were unfounded. She was going to _possibly_ meet me out tonight, but would call me and let me know either way if she would make it or not. I didn't hear from her, and thought she may have just fallen asleep. But my gut wouldn't let me rest.
I drove over to her house to see if she was out with her friends and forgot or if she just fell asleep. When I got there, I saw her car and felt a sense of relief; she probably just fell asleep. But most of the lights were on in the house. And there was a car in the front that I was unfamiliar with. So I snuck around and peeked in the window. I see her doing dishes with some guy. I wonder if it is just a friend or if something else is going on. So I sit and wait to see what happens. The lights go off in the kitchen and noone leaves. Then I hear him in her bedroom. And I loose it. I went around to the front door and knocked and rang the door bell repeatedly. She called my phone and ... needless to say I was not very calm.
However, I am very surprised at my current state. One thing that has proven true over and over in my life is that if I am willing to give something 100% and do all the footwork required that things become very clear on the path that I am to take. And tonight has sealed a chapter on my life.
So I sit on my deck, with a fire going, smoking a Siglo VI (one of my absolute favorite cigars) and drinking some Green Spot. Tonight is difficult. But I know that I can move forward without something in the back of my mind wondering if I did everything I could. I know that I can give myself fully to the next chapter of my life. It has been almost a year exactly since things started blowing up with my wife, and they have ended tonight in cataclysmic failure.
All I can say to anyone reading this is, if you find something you want, seize it. Do everything you can to attain it. And if it alludes you, then you know that the outcome has nothing to do with your efforts. Experience in other things has shown me that there are other things around the corner of life. And hopefully they will be better.
I have learned a lot about myself in the last year, concerning what I want out of life, what I value, what I need, what I desire. So I toast with my cigar and my whiskey to the nest chapter of my life. Tonight is a night to be celebrated. It is not often that the road ahead seems clear. I do not know what lies ahead, but I know that I will be OK. I have hope that something wonderful is around the corner.
Gentlemen, smoke a cigar in honor of what you cherish and seize it. Smoke a cigar in a toast to fulfilling your life and your dreams. Smoke a cigar to the next chapter of your life. My friends, this is a good cigar. And I am looking forward to being a fully invested participant in the next chapter of my life.
So I closed off all ties with other women I was dating. I told my family and close friends that I was giving us another chance. Everyone who I talked to told me they respected that I was going to give it another chance. To try to make amends, and move forward with her in a new way that would not cause the issues we had in the past. I have been showing patience, trying to respect where she is at, and for us to move forward, even if it is slow. I set my boundaries and opened my heart. I have been willing to do whatever it would take.
Today I got an uneasy feeling. My gut didn't feel right. So I had to put my mind at ease. I had to see for myself that what I presumed. It would give me a credible instance that my fears were unfounded. She was going to _possibly_ meet me out tonight, but would call me and let me know either way if she would make it or not. I didn't hear from her, and thought she may have just fallen asleep. But my gut wouldn't let me rest.
I drove over to her house to see if she was out with her friends and forgot or if she just fell asleep. When I got there, I saw her car and felt a sense of relief; she probably just fell asleep. But most of the lights were on in the house. And there was a car in the front that I was unfamiliar with. So I snuck around and peeked in the window. I see her doing dishes with some guy. I wonder if it is just a friend or if something else is going on. So I sit and wait to see what happens. The lights go off in the kitchen and noone leaves. Then I hear him in her bedroom. And I loose it. I went around to the front door and knocked and rang the door bell repeatedly. She called my phone and ... needless to say I was not very calm.
However, I am very surprised at my current state. One thing that has proven true over and over in my life is that if I am willing to give something 100% and do all the footwork required that things become very clear on the path that I am to take. And tonight has sealed a chapter on my life.
So I sit on my deck, with a fire going, smoking a Siglo VI (one of my absolute favorite cigars) and drinking some Green Spot. Tonight is difficult. But I know that I can move forward without something in the back of my mind wondering if I did everything I could. I know that I can give myself fully to the next chapter of my life. It has been almost a year exactly since things started blowing up with my wife, and they have ended tonight in cataclysmic failure.
All I can say to anyone reading this is, if you find something you want, seize it. Do everything you can to attain it. And if it alludes you, then you know that the outcome has nothing to do with your efforts. Experience in other things has shown me that there are other things around the corner of life. And hopefully they will be better.
I have learned a lot about myself in the last year, concerning what I want out of life, what I value, what I need, what I desire. So I toast with my cigar and my whiskey to the nest chapter of my life. Tonight is a night to be celebrated. It is not often that the road ahead seems clear. I do not know what lies ahead, but I know that I will be OK. I have hope that something wonderful is around the corner.
Gentlemen, smoke a cigar in honor of what you cherish and seize it. Smoke a cigar in a toast to fulfilling your life and your dreams. Smoke a cigar to the next chapter of your life. My friends, this is a good cigar. And I am looking forward to being a fully invested participant in the next chapter of my life.
