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Yankee humor

Devil Doc

Devil Doc

When Death smiles, Corpsmen smile back
Joined
Oct 16, 2005
Messages
11,595
A family of New York Yankee fans headed out one Saturday to shop for the youngest boy's birthday. While in the sports shop the son picks up a Red Sox jersey and says to his older sister, "I've decided to become a Red Sox fan and I would like this Boston Red Sox jersey for my birthday."

His big sister is outraged and promptly whacks him upside his head and says, "Go talk to mother."

Off goes the little lad with the jersey in hand and finds his mother. "Mom?" "Yes, son?" I've decided I'm going to be a Red Sox fan and I would like this jersey for my birthday." The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head and says, Go talk to your father!" Off he goes with the Red Sox jersey in hand and finds his father.

"Dad?" Yes, son?" I've decided I'm going to be a Red Sox fan and I would like this jersey for my birthday." The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son in the back of his head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"

About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says "Son, I hope you've learned something today?"

The son says, "Yes, Dad, I have."

"Good! And what is it you learned?"

The son replies, "I've only been a Red Sox fan for an hour and I already hate you Yankee bastids!"

Doc.
 
86 years between series wins means you only have what...........83 to go :laugh:
 
I didn't think it was very funny, lil' kid was probably a pussy anyway and got his ass kick everyday any how....... :D :sign: :p :thumbs: :cool:
 
Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?"

The man answers, "241."

"That is wonderful!" says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!"

Next, Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?"

The lady answers, "144."

"That is great!", says Albert, "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!".

Albert then goes to another person and asks, "What is your IQ?"

The person answers, "51."

Albert ponders this for a moment, and then smiles and says,"GO YANKEES"!!


Doc.
 
mike0620.gif
 
stogieman said:
I didn't think it was very funny, lil' kid was probably a pussy anyway and got his ass kick everyday any how....... :D :sign: :p :thumbs: :cool:
Click to expand...

I still can't figure out how a guy from Maynard, MA ever became a Yankees fan. :laugh:
 
What's the difference between the Boston Red Sox and the Boston Strangler?





One chokes only in October.
 
There were two men, one was a Red Sox fan and the other was a Yankees fan.

These men were both madly in love with the same woman. So the woman challenged that whichever man does a better job at having sex with her would be her boyfriend.

Both men accepted the challenge.

That night, the woman had sex with the Red Sox fan and then the other night had sex with the Yankees fan. The next day the woman chose the Yankees fan to be her boyfriend.

Shocked and outraged, the Red Sox fan asked why she didn't choose him.

She replied by saying, "You, like your team not only come up short but always finish early!"
 
On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to
her
class
that she is a Yankees fan. She asks her class to raise their
hands
if they are
too. Wanting to impress the teacher, everyone in the class
raises
their hand
except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with
surprise
and says
Janie why didn’t you raise your hand?

Because I’m not a Yankees fan she replied.

The teacher still shocked, asked Well, if your not a Yankees
fan
then who are
you a fan of?
I’m a Red Sox fan and proud of it, Janie replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears.

Janie why are you a Red Sox fan?

Cuz my mom and dad are both sox fans, so I'm a Red Sox fan
too!

*Well* said the teacher in an annoyed tone *that is no reason
for
you to be a
Red Sox fan. You don’t have to be just like your parents all the
time. What if
your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron what would you
be
then?

Then Janie smiled “I’d be a Yankees fan”.


Doc
 
Did you hear the sad news? Bill Buckner tried to kill himself the other day by jumping in front of a bus. Luckily it went right through his legs.
 
A child custody case was held in court. The judge felt that the mother and father were both fit to be parents and therefore couldn't decide who he should grant full custody to. So he asks the little boy, "Would you like to live with your mother?"

"No." said the boy.

"Why not?" said the judge.

"Because she beats me."

The judge says "Okay, then you'll go live with your father."

"Oh No," cried the boy, "He beats me too."

Dumbfounded, the judge asks "Okay who do you want to live with?"

"I want to live with the Boston Red Sox."

"Why?" asks the judge.

"They don't beat anybody!"
 
Three fans are walking to Fenway Park for the Red Sox-Yankees playoff series, when they see a foot sticking out of some bushes.
An inspection revealed a dead-drunk naked woman. One man placed his Orioles baseball cap on her right breast.
The Yankees fan placed his cap on her left breast, and the Red Sox fan put his over her crotch. They then called the police.

The cop lifted up the Orioles cap, and made a few notes. He then lifted the Yankee cap and made more notes.
Then he lifted the Red Sox cap, put it down, lifted it again and put it down. When he lifted it the third time the Red Sox fan said, "What are you doing? Are you some kind of pervert, or what?"

The cop said, I was just confused, usually when I see a Red Sox cap, there's an ass under it."
 
A Red Sox fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Yankees fan he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious NY pinstripe shirt. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them.

One day, while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" "I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest. "Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.

Suddenly, the driver saw a Yankees fan walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time. Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. Not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything.

He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "Sorry, Father, I almost hit that Yankees fan."

"That's OK," replied the priest, "I got him with the door."


Doc
 
Two boys are playing hockey on the Boston Common pond when one is attacked by a vicious rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his hockey stick and scares the dog off, stopping the attack. A reporter who is strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy.

"Young Bruins fan saves friend from vicious animal..." he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Bruins fan," the little boy replies.

"Sorry. Since we're in Boston, I just assumed you were," says the reporter and starts again. "Red Sox fan rescues friend from horrific attack...” he continues writing in his notebook.

"I'm not a Red Sox fan either!" the boy says.

"So, what team do you root for?" the reporter asks.

"I'm a Yankees fan!" the child beams.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes: "Little brat from New York kills beloved family pet."


Doc
 
One foggy night, a Yankees fan was heading north from New York and a Red Sox fan was driving south from Boston. While crossing a narrow bridge they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars. The Red Sox fan manages to climb out of his car and surveys the
damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, “Man, I am lucky to be alive.” Likewise, the Yankees fan gets out of his car uninjured, feeling equally fortunate to have survived. The Red Sox fan walks over to the Yankees fan and says “Hey man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals.” The Yankees fan thinks for a moment and says, “You know, you’re right. We should be friends. In fact, I’m going to see if something else survived the wreck.” The Yankees fan then pops his trunk open and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniels. He says to the Red Sox fan, “I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship” The Red Sox fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, he hands it back to the Yankees fan and says “your turn.” The Yankees fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws it over the bridge into the river and says, “Nah, I think I’ll just wait for the cops to show up.”
 
Never mind, Doc beat me to the punch. :laugh:

Someone sent me the priest one about an hour ago and I remembered this thread from earlier today. :D
 
Q: What do Derek Lowe's pitching and a spiderweb have in common?
A: One hit and they fall apart.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Why is the monster green?
A: Envy from Yankee wins.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Why does Stephen King go to Red Sox Games?
A: He likes horror stories.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What's the difference between the Boston Red Sox and the Boston Strangler?
A: One chokes only in October.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Why can't the Red Sox count backward from 20?
A: They stop after 1918


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What's the free give-away on Ted Williams Day at Fenway?
A: Ice Pops


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Banes of Boston:

Babe
Bucky
Buckner
Boone

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Q: Why did Fenway Park build seats over the Green Monster?
A: So Bucky Dent could find his home run balls.


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Q: Why is a paternity test never necessary for Pedro Martinez's parents?
A: Because everyone knows who "Pedro's Daddy" is.


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Q: What's the difference between a Titanic survivor and an attendee of the last Red Sox World Series win?
A: You may still be able to find a living Titanic survivor.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do Trot Nixon and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: They both wear a glove on their right hand for no apparent reason!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do the Red Sox and lawn furniture have in common?
A: They both fold and end up in the cellar after Labor Day!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What is the difference between a Fenway Frank and a Yankee Frank?
A: You can get a Yankee Frank in October!



Did you hear the Red Sox are moving to the Phillipines?
They are going to be called the Manilla Folders!
 
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