WV Hillbilly drive by

[SamClemmons]

My shop is in a little complex on route 55 (the truckers shortened it to the "double nickel"... okay, so truckers ain't known for being real smart). I wasn't here on Saturday but the guy at a neighboring business was. He said it was kinda foggy on Saturday morning and he was in his shop when he heard this clattering, banging, chunkchunk kinda noise coming out of the mist and getting closer. He stuck his head out the door to see what the hell was going on. What he saw was one of the most unusual things he'd ever seen. A 1940-sunthin' pickup truck with one headlight blazing away came shuttering to a stop in front of my building. White steam was boiling out from under the hood and gray smoke was chuffing out of a tailpipe that looked to have been part of someone's chimney until very recently. He said the truck bed was built up with wood slats and the bed was piled with metal scrap and on top of that was a rocking chair with a mildewy blow-up doll strapped to it and a "Dew Me" sign hanging from its neck. He said a guy in gamey looking winter fatigues got out. The guy had tobacco stained chin whiskers that hung down nearly to his belt and he was spitting and sniggering as he walked up to my shop window. He had a USPS priority box in his hand and he held it against the center of the window and unhooked a tape gun from his belt and pasted strips of tape accross the box to hold it there. Still sniggering and half drooling and spitting tobacco juice all over himself and my front walk he took out a sharpy and wrote "Ninjas is sweet" on it. My neighbor said the guy turned, walked back to his truck and said "We're headin' home now honey" to the blow up doll and got in. As the truck clattered and banged it's way out of the parking lot in a trail of gray and white vapor and smoke, my neighbor saw what was making most of the noise. The right rear tire wasn't a tire at all. It was the drum out of a washing machine and the license plate was hand lettered on a trash can lid and it said, "West-by God-Virginia", and was hung from a chain and dragging the ground. A beer can flew from the passenger window and the truck disappeared into the fog.
Don't come around here no more John.

NA

 

[rbbrock]

My shop is in a little complex on route 55 (the truckers shortened it to the "double nickel"... okay, so truckers ain't known for being real smart). I wasn't here on Saturday but the guy at a neighboring business was. He said it was kinda foggy on Saturday morning and he was in his shop when he heard this clattering, banging, chunkchunk kinda noise coming out of the mist and getting closer. He stuck his head out the door to see what the hell was going on. What he saw was one of the most unusual things he'd ever seen. A 1940-sunthin' pickup truck with one headlight blazing away came shuttering to a stop in front of my building. White steam was boiling out from under the hood and gray smoke was chuffing out of a tailpipe that looked to have been part of someone's chimney until very recently. He said the truck bed was built up with wood slats and the bed was piled with metal scrap and on top of that was a rocking chair with a mildewy blow-up doll strapped to it and a "Dew Me" sign hanging from its neck. He said a guy in gamey looking winter fatigues got out. The guy had tobacco stained chin whiskers that hung down nearly to his belt and he was spitting and sniggering as he walked up to my shop window. He had a USPS priority box in his hand and he held it against the center of the window and unhooked a tape gun from his belt and pasted strips of tape accross the box to hold it there. Still sniggering and half drewling and spitting tobacco juice all over himself and my front walk he took out a sharpy and wrote "Ninjas is sweet" on it. My neighbor said the guy turned, walked back to his truck and said "We're headin' home now honey" to the blow up doll and got in. As the truck clattered and banged it's way out of the parking lot in a trail of gray and white vapor and smoke, my neighbor saw what was making most of the noise. The right rear tire wasn't a tire at all. It was the drum out of a washing machine and the license plate was hand lettered on a trash can lid and it said, "West-by God-Virginia", and was hung from a chain and dragging the ground. A beer can flew from the passenger window and the truck disappeared into the fog.
Don't come around here no more John.

NA

LMAO, what a wonderfully descriptive narrative. Your neighbor can really weave a tale, Neal! :sign:

Edit to add: nice hit, John.

 

[CigarStone]

Outstanding play John! Or was it the WV Santa Clause?

Nice story Neal :thumbs:

 

[cajunblaze]

That is very funny. Did you call the BOMB squad?

Rich

 

[MoeCizlak]

Out-By God-standing!!!! Nice hit and even better narrative.

 

[souldog]

That just made my morning. Neal, you are truly the master!

 

[gtadroptop]

You bought a new truck, John?

 

[jfields]

You misspelled Sharpie.

 

[Infinity]

Holy crap, that is funny. Neal, I think you missed your vocation in life...it's never too late you know.

Nice play John!

Brian

 

[tone-ny]

Nicely done John, Neal wouldn't know a "Sharpie" from Shannon Sharpe!

 

[SamClemmons]

You misspelled Sharpie.

I have a first person eye witness who says that "sharpy" was exactly what was written along the side of that pen aaaand... there was a little winder on it that showed a nekkid sheep when you turned it upside down.

NA

 

[jfields]

You misspelled Sharpie.

I have a first person eye witness who says that "sharpy" was exactly what was written along the side of that pen aaaand... there was a little winder on it that showed a nekkid sheep when you turned it upside down.

NA

Wow! That guys got some purty good eyesight. I'm suprised he didn't say nuthin about the sheep shit all over the top of my Wellingtons.

 

[rbbrock]

You misspelled Sharpie.

I have a first person eye witness who says that "sharpy" was exactly what was written along the side of that pen aaaand... there was a little winder on it that showed a nekkid sheep when you turned it upside down.

NA

Wow! That guys got some purty good eyesight. I'm suprised he didn't say nuthin about the sheep shit all over the top of my Wellingtons.

Stop; stop right there. We don't need to know how exactly that happened.

You know why Wellingtons are loose, right? So you can put the sheep's rear legs in to keep them from running away.

 

[SamClemmons]

You misspelled Sharpie.

I have a first person eye witness who says that "sharpy" was exactly what was written along the side of that pen aaaand... there was a little winder on it that showed a nekkid sheep when you turned it upside down.

NA

Wow! That guys got some purty good eyesight. I'm suprised he didn't say nuthin about the sheep shit all over the top of my Wellingtons.

Wellingtons? That what they call bare feet stained with tobacco juice over yonder?

NA

 

[jfields]

You misspelled Sharpie.

I have a first person eye witness who says that "sharpy" was exactly what was written along the side of that pen aaaand... there was a little winder on it that showed a nekkid sheep when you turned it upside down.

NA

Wow! That guys got some purty good eyesight. I'm suprised he didn't say nuthin about the sheep shit all over the top of my Wellingtons.

Wellingtons? That what they call bare feet stained with tobacco juice over yonder?

NA

Ran out of Duct Tape.

 

[Seanholio]

You misspelled Sharpie.

I have a first person eye witness who says that "sharpy" was exactly what was written along the side of that pen aaaand... there was a little winder on it that showed a nekkid sheep when ewe turned it upside down.

NA

Fixed it for you.

 

[Dr. Marneaus]

Bahaha, I'm sitting here in class laughing at my computer and people are looking at me funny...

 

[Rebel Herfer]

That's just great! Well played gents! :laugh:

 

[ggiese]

Oh, fer cripes sake - would y'all quit encouragin' the ol' coot!!! He gets all kinds of worked up when people feed him nice cigars and such - makes him think people like him and it takes the edge off... :angry:



Nice play, John!!

 

[ChiTown_Huck]

Classic! Nice job John.