A man, a VSG Robusto, and a Rat-Bastard Gnome

[Tony Bones]

After one heck of a day at the office all I really wanted was a good cigar. My commute was hell, my day was worse, and gas prices are just out of control. Bah!

Upon arriving home and heading toward my domicile I caught a whiff of something. Tobacco. Cigar Tobacco. Good cigar tobacco. My cigar tobacco! Son of a bee-atch.

While rounding the corner and entering my patio I saw the culprit. Oh, say it ain't so. My trusty garden gnome Norvil sat glaring at me from the fence post, half-smoked VSG Robusto in hand. "Bastard! And to think I confided in your sorry, monkey-gnome ass and trusted you. How dare you snipe my only VSG!"

The gnome mumbled something while taking a long pull off the Robusto. Something about first class construction and a very nice finish.

"Oh, it's on you 10 inch tall little son of a bitch! Your mamma' was a midget and your daddy was that ugly Leprechaun on the Frosted Lucky Charms box."

Long story short: Things got a little unruly, the gnome talked some smack (something about pictures of me with his dwarf girlfriend), and I worked him over pretty good. Notice the missing arm and busted up hat.

Let this be a lesson to all of you. Keep your gnomes away from me and my cigars! You don't want none of this.

What little I got to smoke of the cigar was quite good. A very pleasant smoke. If someone has a full one they'd like to send for a better review, my address can be found in my profile. Just let me know it's coming so I can lock the damn gnome up on arrival day.

 

[moki]

Let's see... porno-angle shots of Tony sucking on a "stick" then pictures of a gnome with the same "stick" poking out of his genital area. Freud wouldn't even break a sweat figuring this one out...

 

[Tony Bones]

Let's see... porno-angle shots of Tony sucking on a "stick" then pictures of a gnome with the same "stick" poking out of his genital area. Freud wouldn't even break a sweat figuring this one out...

Guard your cigars funny man.

Laura just called and said she has a mystery charge on her credit card for a plane ticket to Rochester, signed by one N. Gnome. She also found a print-out of a Yahoomaps direction sheet w/ your home address on it.

Lock your doors.

 

[Kryo]

oh no.... the cigar thieving traveling garden gnome??!?!?!

I really hope the Dept. of Homeland Security can stop this atrocity from going cross-country.

 

[emodx]

That was f'ing awesome! I loved it. Thanks for taking the time to write it up. Maybe you could make it a series?

 

[emodx]

oh no.... the cigar thieving traveling garden gnome??!?!?!

I really hope the Dept. of Homeland Security can stop this atrocity from going cross-country.

I'll brief the admiral of the Coast Guard tomorrow.

Emo

 

[wam79]

Never trust gnomes. They are sneaky :sneaky:

 

[gatorsmg]

LMAO!

That was awsome! Of course it could have been worse....I hear there is a herd (or is it a gaggle) of cigar bandit Garden Gnomes that just crossed the Mexican border. Watch out all of you Western CPers!! I already had my own run in with a band of cigar stealing aliens about a month ago Watch out for these aliens

Good luck with your Gnome Tony

 

[gkpk]

Your lucky you finished off your gnome before he got in your house and raided your humi.
Then the sh%^ would've really hit the fan. :0

 

[Beefcube]

I just saw a yard jockey and a mexican with a burro buying crazy glue at the store. When they get to fix that gnome your in for an ol' fashion asskickin'

 

[Tony Bones]

I just saw a yard jockey and a mexican with a burro buying crazy glue at the store. When they get to fix that gnome your in for an ol' fashion asskickin'

I had a run-in w/ one of those damn lawn jockey's a while back. I'm missing the Montecristos to prove it. He's still missing his horse though...that's got to be emabarassing.