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I often get asked how do I get it done in one night? This is my answer: my playlist is Wizards in Winter, on repeat and coke. Lots of coke. That’s how the shit gets done.

Monday, my man. Monday. Be ready.

Hey Joe! (it seems like I’ve heard that song before) I just wanted to give you a quick update. I found my top elf torcedor sitting in the corner giggling and eating Doritos. Turns out he’s been rolling left-handers! So now I’m a few days behind, but don’t worry, I’ve got my second best White...

I was just about to update you this morning....I smoked my last deer turd and had to order some very nice to replace it for you...might not get here till the 12th, so I be happy to update you on shipping when I get the heads up from my elves, or I will reach out to that other fat guy and get...

Nice rack

Jump on in, come one come @all, @Rod is the man that started it all!

I was afraid your wife would shoot them.

Well, those lazy [censored] God [censored] [censored ] [censored] reindeer are on strike again. They do this every.single.year ! @Gator - lucky for you, there's the U.S. Postal service - and neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of...

Merry Christmas! 9505511780714340735128 Hope your tree is up and ready, this should make it down the chimney on Monday!

In the year two thousand, with cigar in hand, Rob lit a spark, saw a need, hatched a plan. The vision was clear, he set the stage, For brothers in smoke, to share and engage. An internet forum, where comradery can grow, Sharing stories and smokes in the comfort of home. With vherfs uniting...

Puff my boy the key to life Is knowing how leverage And so as I sit, a little bit lit Sipping a tasty beverage While another is to come One is on the way Santa has oursourced Cause the els are away USPS 9434611899561591695018

Thanks for the ‘tip’. Haha! @modo22 your package should fly by the end of the week.

@Eqwhipped You seem like the kind of guy who cares more about his family than himself. That’s the Christmas spirit for sure. You family will be taken care of !! But unless you let me know what cigars, libations etc you fancy, Santa will have to resort to his favorites. And I have been on...

Let's see if any of these get your stocking stuffed

'Twas the night before Christmas, stars twinkled so bright, Santa prepped for his journey, beneath the moonlight. But this year was different, a unique kind of cheer, For Santa delivered cigars, spreading warmth and good cheer. He loaded his sleigh with each fragrant roll, Handpicked with care...

Well Acclaim, I can see that I really need to focus my attention on you! I have checked both lists (Naughty and Nice) and you are not on either...Could there have been a mistake made by my elves? I understand the stresses they have at this time of year but MISSING ON BOTH LISTS?? Ill open a...

I am a bit late doing this as your handle was at the bottom of the M list. Most folks have names like Max, Mix, Mex, Mo etc., but then there is you with NMI ( no middle initial. You trying to make this had on an old guy? Well, I have a generous heart and see you have improved your habits and...

@Nate1977 , This is Santa, and I have been hired by the U.S. Government to do a survey. You have been one of the lucky few to be selected to take this survey. Please give as much detailed information as possible. We don't want to elves to have to come down and audit the situation...

Coal sculptures? Now you have me back to the drawing board. I might be able to find you some phalic coal sculptor your man cave before Black Friday deals are over.

@Eqwhipped Ho Ho Ho. We all know you are a busy fellow but Santa needs a bit of help with his questions or on the naughty list you will go