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Strange question, I need help.

CigarStone

CigarStone

For once, knowledge is making me poor!
Joined
Mar 7, 2007
Messages
12,140
Location
Northeast, Ohio
First Name
Jeff
As some may have seen, a very close friend died Saturday of a brain hemorrhage. I was supposed to have a pig roast with him this weekend as he owns a camp close to my sons camp and the holiday weekends are always a blast. There are numerous guys I went to school with, and their sons, who own camps near my son's. I am really struggling! Pat was larger than life!

There isn't much of an obit yet, but here is what I found.
Pat Marron<<<<< Link

@jfields John, you will remember the camp at the corner where I told you how we turned their refrigerator door around as a practical joke? The camp is tight and after we turned the door around it couldn't open more than a few inches.

I will go over to Pa. Wednesday for the viewing and Thursday for the service and I'm sure many of the guys will be at their camps for the weekend. Tears and beers will flow.

Here is where I will need help ..... knowing how hard of a time I am having now, I will be an absolute mess at the services. It's not that I care about showing my emotion, but I don't want to be a blubbering idiot either. I always have a hard time at funerals and I'm not sure how to deal with this one.

Does anyone know any way to keep the emotions under control? Maybe there is a trick like benadryl, a muscle relaxer, or something? Anything?

Thanks! It helps to share with family!
 
Jeff, I am very sorry to hear about your loss. He sounds like a great friend and will surly be missed. I have always felt like the people who show up and are statue's are the ones who will have more to deal with alone. Being able to let yourself cry during the funeral is ok. You will be surrounded by people who share your same pain and passion for that person and can help you thought it. That is the best way to remember him IMO. If you bottle it up until you are alone, you would be creating so much undo stress on yourself. Let it our brother, I'm here if you need to talk anytime!
 
CBoukal said:
Jeff, I am very sorry to hear about your loss. He sounds like a great friend and will surly be missed. I have always felt like the people who show up and are statue's are the ones who will have more to deal with alone. Being able to let yourself cry during the funeral is ok. You will be surrounded by people who share your same pain and passion for that person and can help you thought it. That is the best way to remember him IMO. If you bottle it up until you are alone, you would be creating so much undo stress on yourself. Let it our brother, I'm here if you need to talk anytime!
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TexasTraveler said:
I do agree with Chad, but maybe 1/2 of a Xanax to get you thru the service wouldn't be a bad idea either.
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Thanks!

I never hesitate to show my emotion for a loved one and as an example, I got the news Saturday morning at 8:40AM as I was pulling into the golf course parking lot. A couldn't decide if I even wanted to play, I wasn't sure I could enjoy golfing and it felt disrespectful to just pretend like this didn't exist. I good friend carted up with me and made my golf day fun. Immediately after golf, I lost my shit!

Xanax would probably be a good idea ..... I just have to find it somewhere.:)
 
Sorry for your loss. I’m no expert, but maybe staying drug or alcohol free to get through may be best. If you have never had anti depressants or relaxers, it may be best to be you. I think, sadly, far too often we seek something to repress our emotions. I can only suggest thinking the best and celebrating his life.

Healing prayers.

C
 
There's absolutely nothing wrong with letting it out when needed. However, to answer your question, I always try to focus on the good memories and sharing fun times and stories with the others present. Once a group gets started swapping tales, everyone feels connected and more about celebrating the life lived rather than the loss. Easier said than done, I know, but it does help. Hang in there, brother.
 
Jeff, my condolences. It’s never easy losing someone so close.

If it was me, I’d go with whatever comes out. I’m not one to show much emotion, but when I do, it’s real and I think that’s the only way to go. If you were to mask it with a pill or a drink, you’ll regret it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with crying or showing how much he truly meant to you. You’ll be glad you did. There will be plenty of time to remember your friend, in other ways, after his celebration of life. Keep those two separate for now.

A quote that I use in life a lot is:

“Be who you are and say how you feel. Because those that mind don’t matter and those that matter, don’t mind”
 
Again, sorry to hear about your friend. You are all in my thoughts, Jeff.

I have nothing to offer of any help, so I'll let the others take this one.
 
Wow! Just goes to show you never know. Seemed like a pretty good dude the handful of times I met him. They were pretty hungover those times though. 😂

Same guys you put the sign on the front porch too wasn’t it?

Don’t do anything Jeff. Just let it roll and don’t overthink it.
 
jfields said:
Wow! Just goes to show you never know. Seemed like a pretty good dude the handful of times I met him. They were pretty hungover those times though. 😂

Same guys you put the sign on the front porch too wasn’t it?

Don’t do anything Jeff. Just let it roll and don’t overthink it.
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Yeah, same group of guys.

It's not that I want to mask anything. I have no problem crying over something like this. I am just concerned about totally breaking down and being unable to hang out and communicate with all the guys, and girls, who will be crying with me.

There will probably be 20 people at camp this weekend hanging out around Pat's firepit, laughing, crying, and sharing stories.
 
CigarStone said:
Yeah, same group of guys.

It's not that I want to mask anything. I have no problem crying over something like this. I am just concerned about totally breaking down and being unable to hang out and communicate with all the guys, and girls, who will be crying with me.

There will probably be 20 people at camp this weekend hanging out around Pat's firepit, laughing, crying, and sharing stories.
Click to expand...
Just roll with it! When you said brain hemorrhage, the first person I thought of was Chuck.
 
I agree with not trying to mute it.. lost my best friend since kindergarten when we were both 19.. I was inconsolable. It was part of my grieving and healing process. Looking back now almost 25 years later.. it would have been not good trying to keep it in.

Sounds like you have a good group there. They'll help you through just like your group here.
 
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