OpusXKC
MOΛΩN ΛABE
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2005
- Messages
- 987
So thanks to the “generosity” of Brandon (hojadepuro) and Nick (Razorback) I have been encouraged to perform another one of my famous flavored cigar reviews. I always say, you don't know what it is until you smoke it, but it doesn't mean you have to like it. So here I am. Now remember DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME, let my idiocy be a lesson to you all.
--Storage and Removal--
To make sure that “bad juju” from these smokes didn't leach into the rest of my supply, I had to take extra precautions. Even from within it's own plastic prison the managed to only be stopped by the fail safe bag. Opening the bag and taking a whiff reminded me of plasticy new car smell. Yea, this is going to be a ball. Looks like it is time to smoke this Toyota.
So to at least try and make this bearable I have employed the help of a grape flavor that I find favorable. That my friends will come from a glass of Menage a Trios. Granted it isn't the best, but I mean come on.....
--Prelight Impressions--
After bursting this bubble I was hit hard by the essence of The Tussin. Remember that god awful cough medicine your mom made you take as a kid, well this thing wreaks of it from more than a foot away. A slight tingly burn, like Red Bull also causes me concern
The construction on this cigar is magical. By that I mean, that it seems to have absolutely no seams! Almost as if it was squeezed from a tooth paste tube. What planet do you have to live on to think, "Oh you know what, if I soaked this Safeway paper sack in some grape drink and smoke it, it will be awesome". Guess what, no it isn't!
--Light and Initial Impressions--
With a flick and a spark we start this adventure. Right off the bat I get the distinct impression of cheap blueberry muffins. Looks like the good folks a White Owl let the Pillsbury Dough Boy in on the oral gang bang. After putting the smoke through the nose gentle notes of week old lunch meat show their presence. This type of aging foresight is the product of an excellent blender for sure.
--First Quarter--
Oh my. This is flat as pancake. Weird tainted sweet notes remincent of Grandmas old ribbon candy come through. Also the aroma is similar to that of children's Play-Doh. Almost enticing, but repulsive at the same time. Hell, at least the Play-Doh says “Non Toxic” on it.
--At the Half--
I feel like I am cannibalizing Grimace. If that purple QTip had a flavor I am sure it would be similar.
Maybe this brown log is more of the type of thing he would expel. Yes, that is it, the oh so subtle flavor of McDonald's tainted anus is present.
--Third Quarter--
It is like the Kool Aid man just bitch slapped me. He and that Hawaiian Punch fellow teamed up and helped to flavor this fudge dragon of a cigar. Damn it. At this point I would rather live inside a tire fire. At least that would kill me.
--Ending Notes and Impressions--
Well, that will not be happening again. How you can call such a thing a cigar is beyond me. The ash on this thing peels like an old man with shingles, diseased and falling apart. Typically the color purple has been reserver for the likes of royalty. Well this is the king all right, the
King of CRAP!
Smokem' if you gotem'
-Tony
--Storage and Removal--
To make sure that “bad juju” from these smokes didn't leach into the rest of my supply, I had to take extra precautions. Even from within it's own plastic prison the managed to only be stopped by the fail safe bag. Opening the bag and taking a whiff reminded me of plasticy new car smell. Yea, this is going to be a ball. Looks like it is time to smoke this Toyota.
So to at least try and make this bearable I have employed the help of a grape flavor that I find favorable. That my friends will come from a glass of Menage a Trios. Granted it isn't the best, but I mean come on.....
--Prelight Impressions--
After bursting this bubble I was hit hard by the essence of The Tussin. Remember that god awful cough medicine your mom made you take as a kid, well this thing wreaks of it from more than a foot away. A slight tingly burn, like Red Bull also causes me concern
The construction on this cigar is magical. By that I mean, that it seems to have absolutely no seams! Almost as if it was squeezed from a tooth paste tube. What planet do you have to live on to think, "Oh you know what, if I soaked this Safeway paper sack in some grape drink and smoke it, it will be awesome". Guess what, no it isn't!
--Light and Initial Impressions--
With a flick and a spark we start this adventure. Right off the bat I get the distinct impression of cheap blueberry muffins. Looks like the good folks a White Owl let the Pillsbury Dough Boy in on the oral gang bang. After putting the smoke through the nose gentle notes of week old lunch meat show their presence. This type of aging foresight is the product of an excellent blender for sure.
--First Quarter--
Oh my. This is flat as pancake. Weird tainted sweet notes remincent of Grandmas old ribbon candy come through. Also the aroma is similar to that of children's Play-Doh. Almost enticing, but repulsive at the same time. Hell, at least the Play-Doh says “Non Toxic” on it.
--At the Half--
I feel like I am cannibalizing Grimace. If that purple QTip had a flavor I am sure it would be similar.
Maybe this brown log is more of the type of thing he would expel. Yes, that is it, the oh so subtle flavor of McDonald's tainted anus is present.
--Third Quarter--
It is like the Kool Aid man just bitch slapped me. He and that Hawaiian Punch fellow teamed up and helped to flavor this fudge dragon of a cigar. Damn it. At this point I would rather live inside a tire fire. At least that would kill me.
--Ending Notes and Impressions--
Well, that will not be happening again. How you can call such a thing a cigar is beyond me. The ash on this thing peels like an old man with shingles, diseased and falling apart. Typically the color purple has been reserver for the likes of royalty. Well this is the king all right, the
King of CRAP!
Smokem' if you gotem'
-Tony
